To think that adults that were spoilt as children still get indulged by all and sundry as adults?

[LittleLuLu]

I know a couple of women who were clearly very spoilt by their parents as children, and even now as adults are totally spoilt and indulged by them.

I have noticed that the spoilt behaviour carries on into adulthood and because they expect everyone to indulge them and give them their own way, then that is exactly what happens, and it's quite sickening!

One of the spoilt people that I know is a colleague. She is loud, demanding, pushy, and basically the whole workplace revolves around her just because everyone is so terrified of upsetting her. In everything, from getting the best sales leads passed to her by our bosses, to insisting on having the biggest desk and comfiest chair, and moving them to the best location in the office, she gets her own way! She also talks constantly about herself so the whole office has to revolve around her and everyone has to listen to her all the time. She gets people to go out to the local shops to get her food and drink as she 'can't be bothered'. Basically everyone is terrified of upsetting her and goes out of their way to keep her happy. She has kicked off at people a few times when things have not gone her way and it was not pretty! She also is very dominating of the office, doing things like hogging the kitchen to cook things, and turning a corner of the office into a play area for her kids for when/if she pops in on her days off (when she does this she expects others to watch her kids and make her cups of coffee whilst she goes and chats to the boss).

The other spoilt person is in a big group of friends that I see socially. I am not keen on her but I do like the others in the group so I can't cut contact with her. She too is incredibly self absorbed and lots of our meet ups involve her talking about herself and everyone has no choice but to listen. Things have to always suit her; if she can't make something then it has to be rearranged as she insists that it is, or if she suddenly decides that she doesn't want to go to X restaurant or Y Pub then we all have to change plans and follow suit.

What bugs me is that people are so happy to facilitate spoilt child behaviour in adults? These women are both complete bitches, yet they sail through life, expecting everything to fall into place for them, and it does!

[StealthPolarBear]

I can't say I've ever seen anything so obvious now!

[StealthPolarBear]

No not now

[GetAHaircutCarl]

I dunno OP, the woman I know who behaves like you describe wasn't spoilt by her parents.

Her father is horrendously domineering and the family danced to his tune. Now, as an adult she likes everyone to dance to her tune.

I'm not sure why others tolerate it. I see very little of her and grit my teeth when I do as I can't stand the drama that ensues when she's challenged.

Her DH is lovely but has a dog's life.

[curren]

I have seen it go both ways. Some People spoilt as children continue to have people pander to them. Some people, who were spoilt as children, have not been able to handle the real world at all and can't quiet understand why they don't grey their own way just because. Some people, who were spoilt, turn out lovely.

People like you describe, hate me. Because I don't pander and do call people out on poor behaviour, if it impacts me.

However I don't have time to people who do pander and or turn a blind eye then moan about them behind their back. Not meaning you OP. But I noticed that people generally don't like this sort of person and bitch about them, but still continue to enable them.

[Believeitornot]

How do you know they were spoilt as children?

You don't from the sounds of it.

It could be that they were incredible insecure and treated like shit by their parents so have ended up this way....

So stop judging their childhood.

You do have a choice to listen to people, you can always socialise in smaller groups with other people. You could choose not to look after your colleagues kids etc etc.

Don't rise to it basically! You can't change them.

[LagunaBubbles]

No idea if it links to being spoiled as a child but people only get away with their behaviour if others let them. Why do people go and get her lunch for example, who cares if she "kicks off"?

[LittleLuLu]

That's my point, Laguna, why the heck do people indulge them?

Believeitornot, they are both still spoilt by their parents now; colleague's mum does school runs for her most days even when she is off work as she can't be bothered, buys all her childrens' clothing, has the children overnight at weekends. Her parents never say no to her.

The other woman is very spoilt by her parents too even in adulthood, they just do stuff for her constantly and never say no, even though she talks to them like crap and expects them to do stuff.

[WorraLiberty]

I disagree really.

Mainly because when I read both of your examples, I immediately 'blamed' the other people for indulging them.

You can't be spoilt unless the people around you are willing to spoil/indulge you, so imo it's really them who cause the problem.

'Terrified' of upsetting her?

Everyone 'has' to listen?

She 'gets' people to run around after her?

These are all adults who for whatever reason, are happy to indulge her behaviour so that's their own choice.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Yes, what actual power does she have over others - is she the boss? If not and she starts sending people out to lunch, just laugh and say 'I think its your turn to go out for lunches, I'll have a cheese salad please'.

[Makesomethingupyouprick]

You're just facilitating the behaviour too though aren't you? Yes, you're right if everyone goes along with it, it'll continue but your post suggests you're doing just that!.

Ask work why she gets the best leads and has people running round after her/gets what she wants. Don't just sit there and listen when someone rambles on about themselves for too long, just interrupt and say 'Oh I heard/read/saw this the other day' and carry on.

Don't rearrange social events for the sake of one other person who you don't even like anyway!

[Ifiwasabadger]

How do you know this colleague was spoilt as a child....did you know her then?

[FamousSeamus]

If you didn't know them as children, you can't possibly have any idea whether they were 'spoilt'. Yes, both these women sound spectacularly annoying, but other people, including you, are facilitating their behaviour now.

basically the whole workplace revolves around her just because everyone is so terrified of upsetting her.

she expects others to watch her kids and make her cups of coffee whilst she goes and chats to the boss

I am not keen on her but I do like the others in the group so I can't cut contact with her.

lots of our meet ups involve her talking about herself and everyone has no choice but to listen

if she suddenly decides that she doesn't want to go to X restaurant or Y Pub then we all have to change plans and follow suit.

No, you don't. You have a choice. You cannot contorl other people's behaviour, only your own response to it. The fact is that no one is forcing you at gunpoint to look after someone else's children during your work day or to listen to a bore or to switch plans arbitrarily to suit someone else.

You and your colleagues and friends are choosing to facilitate these people's behaviour and actively reinforcing the message that it's acceptable. What you should be asking yourself is not why the self-entitled women are doing it, but why you are choosing to facilitate their behaviour, and then whingeing about it on the internet.

[LittleLuLu]

That's exactly my point, Worra! Because they are/were spoilt as children then they expect to be indulged and spoilt as adults too, and I don't understand why people are happy to go along with this. I am guessing it is because of said spoilt adult's expectation that the world will revolve around them.

To clarify, I don't indulge these women! I don't make coffee, or look after her children, or go out and buy her lunch for her. And I did complain to our boss about her getting the best desk and chair and best location (who basically told me to suck it up; he is terrified of rocking the boat with her too!!).

When I go out in a group with the other woman it is a little harder not to listen to her when everyone else is, and of course if others say we are changing things because this woman wants to then I can't say 'Well I'm not coming' as they'd then think I was the petty one and I'd miss out on a social life!

[WorraLiberty]

Also, sometimes it has nothing to do with childhood.

Some people are just naturally popular, friendly, charismatic and other people enjoy being around them and doing them favours, because it makes them feel better.

I've known a few people like that over the years and occasionally it has caused silent seething and resentment from the odd person, who wishes they could be like them, or have the same amount of support from family WRT childcare etc.

It still doesn't make it the popular person's fault though.

[LittleLuLu]

Like I said though, FamousSeamus, it's hard in a group situation when the others have decided to go along with what this woman wants. I'd just end up with no social life!

[SaucyJack]

I dunno.

I know a couple of people who on the face of it would meet your description, but on closer inspection their own parents are quite controlling, infantilising types who enjoy having their adult children convinced that they cannot cope without their constant help/interference especially with regards to the grandchildren.

I don't know any confident, happy people who would throw a paddy because they had to go and buy their own lunch from the supermarket.

Don't feel sorry for the parents. 99/100 the situation is entirely of their own manipulation.

[WorraLiberty]

X posted

But how do you know it was anything to do with their childhoods?

Some people are just popular and sometimes that doesn't happen until later in life.

[LidikaLikes]

I know people like this, and they're all women. No clue why my sample size is all female, but it doesn't do any favours to the idea of sisterhood.

I don't put up with any of it, and am not popular because of it with these people. >shrugs

[LittleLuLu]

Oh I'm not the only one seething about these women, Worra. Everyone at work (and I mean everyone!) moans about work colleague yet they all do as she says. Many of them really do not like her!

With regards to the woman in the group of friends, others do moan about her and the fact that we always have to do as she wants, but they are happy to go along with things.

[LittleLuLu]

LidikaLikes, what kinds of things do you do/say to these women when you don't put up with it? I need some ideas!

[StealthPolarBear]

Well there yiu go. They might on the face of it have nice things but no one actually likes them.
does make you wonder why people don't take the opportunity, if she can't make a day to go out, why swap it!

[FamousSeamus]

Oh I'm not the only one seething about these women, Worra. Everyone at work (and I mean everyone!) moans about work colleague yet they all do as she says. Many of them really do not like her!

With regards to the woman in the group of friends, others do moan about her and the fact that we always have to do as she wants, but they are happy to go along with things

Again, everyone is making a choice to actively facilitate the situation while moaning privately, which is exactly what you are doing. There is clearly something to be gained from the status quo. You've said yourself that if you refused to alter restaurant plans because Alpha Friend wants to, you would have no social life, so you choose to facilitate her - presumably the rest of the group feel the same. Basically, everyone has made the choice that the status quo is better for them than the alternative.

[NoSpamPam]

I think that people who grew up spoilt don't consider themselves to be spoilt and grow up with the sense of entitlement so they are not afraid of asking for what they want. They may demand it even. It just doesn't occur to them that it is spoilt behaviour.
And when they are adults and demand things.. it works because 1. don't ask don't get and 2. most people don't know how to say no or/and 3. other adults just want an easier life or be liked.

It's equally unhealthy when you grow up feeling that you don't deserve anything.

If it annoys you, just be assertive and set your boundaries. you can't change people you can change how you react to them.

[Onlyicanclean10]

I do know one woman like this.

She only really is interested in herself and was and still is indulged by her parents and older sisters.

However she knows it and laughs T herself and is great company.

You couldn't rely on her but she's good for a night out.

I would t give either of those women the time of day op as I think k you are describing bullies.

[LittleLuLu]

FamousSeamus but if I said 'Oh no, that doesn't suit me, I don't want to go to that restaurant', the others would just say 'Oh ok' and go there anyway and it would just be accepted that I couldn't go/didn't want to go. Believe me I have tried that in the past!