Hi there, long time lurker, first post. I know IANBU but I also know there are plenty of woman on aibu who can help me.
I have a ds, my first, 14mo. I love him to bits he's my world. I also have a dp, he's fantastic, great dad, works hard for us etc etc. I was in maternity leave until January 16 then left my job as I was unable to get shifts that would fit in with childcare etc. Dh works two jobs. He says he is happy to at the moment, he did this even before we were ttc. I appreciate this greatly. Just trying to paint a picture of my life.
Anyway, I have huge anxiety and stress. I worry about everything. I snap at dp and get annoyed at ds if I get stressed. I hate myself for it. I worry about ds, I worry about money, I have lay in bed crying worrying about bills etc. I constantly have a sharp pain in my chest which I imagine is related to the stress.
I have always been an anxious person and it has got far worse since I had ds.
Some days I don't want to get out of bed. I feel so lousy and I know I am a crap mum on those days. I feed and dress ds and cuddle him but I know I am not doing my best.
I also have really bad OCD. I check things umpteen times a day. It takes me so long to do anything because I spend so long checking everything. Drawers, cupboards, the fridge, everything! It wares me down and drives Dp crazy.
Dp has begged me to go to the Drs, but I am so scared they will declare me unfit to keep ds and take him, or tell Dp he has to take ds away from me.
I have shouted at ds when he was screaming and I am tired. But then I started crying and just kept hugging him I felt so bad. When I feel stressed I put him in his cot and walk away, I know this is the best thing to do. But I hate feeling like this. I am exhausted. I hate feeling anxious every single fucking day. I want to feel normal again. Can anyone tell me how to make this better. I just want to be a good mummy again. 
AIBU?
To ask for your help?
LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin · 13/05/2016 09:26
Oh OP, I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time of it at the moment!
The GP absolutely will not think you are unfit to look after your son, they will just want to support you. I really would urge you to go and chat to them and see about getting some help with your anxiety, you really don't need to feel like this my lovely, they can help you feel yourself again.
As for the shouting, we have all been there! DD2 is really trying my patience at the moment and like you, if it gets too much I just walk away and take a moment to calm myself before going back to her.
ALL parents get wound up at times, children are hard work and know exactly how to push our buttons, but you are handling it the right way, and it will get easier!
Please make an appointment, you won't regret it 
Phone the gp now, make an appointment and when you go show her what you've written here. Nobody is going to take your baby away. You are not a bad mum. You need some help and your gp can give it to you. I promise you it's OK to tell your gp how you're feeling. You are far from the only mum who is struggling.
Flying is right, you are definitely not the only one! I'm so stressed about having DC3 when DD2 us so challenging that I am crying a lot and not sleeping or eating properly.
Like you, I need some help with this and plan on calling my doctor today to make an appointment.
Showing the GP this thread is a great idea, and you might find that talking about how your feeling with someone impartial might actually feel like a relief!
You can do it OP, we'll hold your hand
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