Just that really normally have really bad depression and anxiety. I work with dh and he went away on a trip yesterday . At work I could talk to people without him having a go at me. I had a nice relaxed journey home and then had a relaxed evening with no one moaning I hadn't done something or shouting because he lost a game or the kids were loud etc
I feel incredibly guilty that I have enjoyed the day and felt so relaxed! AIBU to think that emotionally at least it is easier without dh ?
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AIBU to think in a way it's easier without dh
135 replies
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 04:03
OP posts:
mylittlearmy ·
12/05/2016 04:20
An example would be at work something (tiny) spilled on his desk he told me to clean it up - I was busy so I just told him where the cloth was.
He switched the Internet off to my computer and refused to put it back on until I had cleaned up the spill 
and just behaving ridiculously I work with all men and even they stepped in like WTF clean it up yourself.
Or I have posted on relationships about him sulking to get his way regarding when we have sex etc. (I won't link to this as I see my name change didn't work for this post
)
OP posts:
wannabehippyandcrazycatlover ·
12/05/2016 05:23
op...he sounds like an utter twat so you have my condolences.
I would start getting a plan to leave together if I were you- can you start to squirrel away some money?!
Janecc ·
12/05/2016 05:48
He sounds awful. I could never live with a man like this. You have one life. What sort of message are you sending to your children about the way men treat women?
So the business is in joint names is that definitely correct? And you have 6 children with him. You work there but you don't get paid for it, are you sure about that? The tax rules changed recently that's why I'm querying it. If the business is in joint names, you own half the business and it doesn't matter if you're a silent partner or work there full time, it's half yours legally. To live, he pays himself a salary. He will probably also take money out in dividends for both you and him as this is a good way of getting money out of the business (although the rules have changed on this too). This will also be stated on your tax returns.
I'm only asking because if you do decider to separate, there may be more money than you think. And if you discover that the business actually isn't legally in your name, you've got longevity in this relationship and effectively what's his is yours. In cases such as these, I'd say get shot, divorce and take as much money as you can as you are a sahm (if you have no salary) and have 6 dependants. The business is his livelihood so you won't be able to take him for everything otherwise he won't be able to provide for you. This leads on to my next question. Does the business definitely make a good profit? It's just you say you're renting and haven't bought your home and I was wondering why.
In any case, I would get all of the financial information copied and filed in a very safe place: tax returns, his pay slips and p60 for the last 3 years, any shares he holds either in the company or elsewhere, savings, other investments, pension plan. He sounds like a right pig and if you do decide to split I think you'll be in for a fight. Doing this now and continuing to get copies of his financial information (as well as yours) will give you the chance to get all the information without him suspecting. Leave it till later and you may never get the chance especially if everything is in the office.
I'm sorry to hear you live with such a cruel man.
mylittlearmy ·
12/05/2016 06:18
The business is defiantly half mine but it doesn't make much profit. It runs and keeps us but that's it. I have a loan in my name of about £12000 that I put into saving the business when I started Going in. so there's that I owe as well.
We could no afford to buy a house, we don't struggle with the rent but the profit if the company is low and when we asked about a mortgage we were only offered enough to buy a really small flat which obviously is no good .
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Zippidydoodah ·
12/05/2016 06:28
I can't offer any useful advice, but I second the idea that your anxiety and depression is caused by this man, no two ways about it. I understand it would be hard to leave, but you can't carry on being treated like this. 
whatdoIget ·
12/05/2016 06:32
I'm so sorry you have to put up with this childish aresehole
I would think that he is the cause of your anxiety and depression 
Who the fuck does he think he is to treat you like this? You need to get angry. He's emotionally abusing you, and from the sounds of it also maybe financially?
What a sad little man. What do you love about him? From personal experience, you will regret wasting time on someone who doesn't deserve you snd treats you like a piece of shit. He's made you feel worthless but you're not and you can get away from him and live your own life.
Start googling and find out what you'd be entitled to if you left him eh tax credits etc. I assume he wouldn't want the children to live with him? How old are they?
mylittlearmy ·
12/05/2016 06:37
What - I have no idea what he would do about the children. When I got pregnant with dc6 (his fault) he threatened to leave me and spent days crying in the shower because I wouldn't have an abortion 
. I don't think he has ever looked after all 6 alone.
The oldest is 11 the youngest is 6 months. That's part of the reason I'm worried about making a fuss is just that I tend to go through phases of feeling like this then phases of being ok I'll try to link to another post I made which would explain that.
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