AIBU to be really annoyed by a friend's child

(18 Posts)
donna20 Wed 11-May-16 15:57:08

My ds is friend's in school with a friend's son and they usually rub alone quite nicely together however over the past week I have noticed a real change in the way that my friends son talks to my ds who are both aged 5 .
My friend's son has been refusing to share his sweets etc with my ds however is happy to share with other children, has called my ds a slow coach,stupid and a loser but always out of ear shot of his mum and always when he thinks noone is listening even though I have heard him.My child doesn't seem bothered by it but it is really annoying me and am wondering if I should say something to his mum as don't want to cause conflict or upset anyone.
Just gets my goat when a so called friend is rude to my ds just because he has now befriended another child.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-May-16 16:04:46

I think you need to watch the secret life of 5 year olds. It basically tells you that all this social tussling are kids learning social skills and testing behaviours. I think watching it might put your mind at ease. There's 4-6 year olds on 4od at the mo

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes Wed 11-May-16 16:10:21

I occasionally have this with my friends dd who is 7. They walk to school together. My dd was rushing to tell her something exciting (to her obviously) and my friends dd went "So?! That's lame. " She wasn't aware that I could hear every word and I called out that it wasn't lame and not to be rude. Another time she instructed dd not to speak to her about boring stuff. I said "That's not very nice." in a stern voice. That's just two incidents. Her mum will usually pull her up if she hears her. If not I just say to her what I'd say to my own child.

Hissy Wed 11-May-16 16:11:13

I have a very quiet, low key "I think you might like to know, I know I would" Conversation with his mum.

donna20 Wed 11-May-16 16:13:40

Thank you,I have watched it before and I know that this sounds really silly but it is only my ds that he seemed to have the problem with and it looks like he is singling my ds out just to be mean to him.
Might just be me being an overprotective mother, just seems really sly how he checks to make sure mum is out of earshot and then says things.
Sorry rant over and breathe.

donna20 Wed 11-May-16 16:17:04

Thanks all think I might have to speak to mum as it really is grating on me or tell the other child not to be unkind and rude as if it was my ds I would hope someone would say something to me or him.

Hissy Wed 11-May-16 16:21:30

Yeah, I'd want to know if my ds was being mean.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-May-16 16:25:07

I would talk to the mum in a tactful way. It's not an easy one to hear but I just wanted you to know that kids just go through this stuff

Cabrinha Wed 11-May-16 16:27:13

Why didn't you tell him off when you heard it?

MadamDeathstare Wed 11-May-16 16:33:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donna20 Wed 11-May-16 16:33:46

I was so shocked at first didn't know what to say and it was in the middle of the school playground so ds was pulling my arm to leave and didn't think until afterwards how unkind he had been and it's been brewing ever since.

confusedandemployed Wed 11-May-16 16:37:24

My DD is only 3 but I have no problem pulling up my friends' DC if there is any nastiness. Likewise I come down on DD just the same. I would DEFINITELY want to know if my DD is a burgeoning bully.

donna20 Wed 11-May-16 16:46:03

Thanks all.I am going to have to broach the subject in a delicate manner with other child's mum I think as it really had bothered me and if it happens again then I will definitely pull the other child up on it as would hate it if my ds did anything like this to another child.

Lymmmummy Wed 11-May-16 16:48:15

I feel for you - it's hard as a parent hearing that type of thing even if your DS is not bothered

If the friend is a good friend you could mention it but I would do it in a "sure X doesn't know what he is really saying but he has said X or y and it has upset my son - sure it's nothing intentional but wanted to let you know"

Other complimentary strategy encourage your DS friendships with other kids perhaps take a risk and invite other friends for tea - let your son build another circle of friends in addition to your friends DS

Btw one of my DS wider group friends said he hated my DS - my DS v upset as currently he is an only child and never had heard anything like it - but truth was the lad was jealous of my DS and his growing friendship with this lads current best friend - the boy. also had older siblings who perhaps bandy about terms like I hate you. Funnily now my DS and the one who supposedly hated him are fairly good friends.

So all this kind of nonsense very common

RiverTam Wed 11-May-16 16:50:50

A. I would pull him up on it and B. I would mention it to his mum. Excluding in this way can be bullying. I would want to know it DD was behaving like that.

Kungfupandaworksout16 Wed 11-May-16 17:16:28

Definitley speak to the mum about it I would want too know if that was my DC. Not to sure on pulling the child yourself because i personally wouldn't be impressed if a parent pulled my DC , I'm there parent come to me and I'll sort it.

Andbabymakesthree Wed 11-May-16 17:25:08

If it's happening at school its a school issue. Speak to teacher. Personally I think mum won't appreciate quiet word.

Also you can discipline other people's children by showing them what's acceptable in a very subtle way. We don't use unkind words like that or that's a really hurtful things to say.

MrsLupo Wed 11-May-16 18:22:12

Don't think I'd bother raising it with the mum, myself. It's all very well to think she'd/you'd want to know but the reality is that most of us would feel pretty put on the spot by such a conversation. It all sounds very normal stuff to me, too, so not something she needs to know about, imo. But I would challenge the child - nothing heavy, just a brisk 'that's not a very nice thing to say' - if it happens again, and I would say the same to my child if the boot were on the other foot. It sounds as though the child is well aware that he's crossing the lines so he probably won't bat an eyelid at being told off in just the same way he'd expect his own mum to do.

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