To go a different route to preschool......

[MissPunnyMany]

I'm half joking, but on the way to nursery today we passed a very overweight mum whom we often see. She was there with her little boy walking along. DD says loudly as we pass 'But mummy what has that lady got in her tummy?'

I've got several pg friends at the moment so I think that's what was going through her head. I did that thing where you pretend to think they've said something completely different and replied with a 'yes they're going to school too' type comment before remarking on a snail or a bird or something

I felt horrible. I know it's what kids do i.e. Say what they see, but as someone who has had a lot of ishoos around my own appearance, I felt bad knowing DD has just inadvertently made someone no doubt already self-conscious feel much worse. She's only 3, it can't be helped, but AIBU to feel so guilty about it?

[inlovewithhubby]

Good time to have a very gentle word about how we try not to make loud comments about what people look like? I started around that age for similar reasons, it's very normal but does open the door to important discussions.

Don't change your route. Give that person some eye contact and a big smile when you see her next. If she did hear, she'll appreciate the gesture I'm sure.

[NynaevesSister]

She'll know that it wasn't harshly meant. It is only a 3 year old. Just smile and be friendly when you see her.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

DD 'says'?

Once is obviously understandable, but if this is a repeat pattern you need to tell your DD not to do it. I'm surprised you haven't already to be honest.

[Voodooloolooshithead]

You're wrong to say it can't be helped, she's only three. It can be helped, by you, having a lighthearted chat about making remarks on appearance.
She's just the right age to introduce this to her. Just drop it into conversation.
You'd be unreasonable to change you're route. Smile at the lady and walk on by.

[Voodooloolooshithead]

Your not you're

[NynaevesSister]

Oh wait forgot the proper British response. You will now have to move. Sorry it is the law. Proper etiquette means you should also change your name and if you still
bump into her again pretend it is amazing there is someone who
Looks just like you. Then talk about the weather.

[MissPunnyMany]

What a super idea nynaeves.

Kate it should have read 'DD said' not DD 'says', was typing one armed with a sleeping toddler on me.

Yep, definitely time to have the chat about personal remarks.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

:) That's good.

[FishWithABicycle]

Speaking as someone very overweight who has been asked by numerous 3 and 4 year olds if I have a baby in my tummy - it's OK. We know that 3 and 4 year olds don't yet know how to be polite and they aren't being deliberately body-shaming they are just learning. If they ask I always just reply "no, no baby in there, that's just the shape my tummy is".

Bright cheery smiles and when your DD says something like this just say loud and clear "people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and it's not usually any of our business, so we don't make remarks on other people's bodies, it's not kind" - which is also my stock phrase when asked why that man has only one leg or no arms or whatever.

[MissPunnyMany]

That's a brilliant response fish, thank you! I think that's what I was worried it would feel like i.e. Body shaming. Thinking about it we have been talking to her about not calling people fat as she tells me / DH we have fat tummys (we don't, just a spare tyre) and we had a chat then about how that could make somebody feel really sad. I'm going to reiterate the point though. I still haven't forgotten being mortified as a teenager with acne when a child asked loudly if I had chicken pox!