With my wedding next month?

(75 Posts)
IloveCliveBixby Tue 10-May-16 10:57:01

After all the wedding threads on here, I want to just make sure I'm not pissing my guests off with my own wedding next month!

We are getting married in a large city a couple of hours drive from our home. Most people coming to the wedding have to travel anyway, so they'd have to find accommodation even if we had it at home.

We aren't having a wedding party, no best men or bridesmaids to buy outfits for.

We are feeding people only once. I'm a bit worried about this. Wedding is at 4 and We sit down for dinner (3 course meal) at 6pm. The venue closes at midnight. Do you think this is okay or do we need to put on an evening buffet? We aren't having extra evening or reception guests. Everyone coming will go to the whole thing. My rationale is, I wouldn't want to eat that much on a night out! And there's always cake.

We aren't putting money behind the bar. Should we tell guests this in advance? We are putting wine on the table and champagne for toasts and can't afford to have a free bar.

The registry office is one mile away from the reception venue. Should we pay for transport for everyone? Would you expect to be transported?

On the invitations we said we didn't need anything and "your presence at our celebration is enough of a gift". But one person has already ignored this and sent a gift. So should we have a card box at the reception in case anyone else ignores us? Or will it look like we were still expecting stuff? (I'm really not, promise!)

We paid for everything ourselves, do you think we still need to give gifts to our parents?

I've been to one wedding in my life and I can't even remember much of it. (they had a free bar grin)

Am willing to be told IABU if I am, so I can quickly try and fix it before the day!

BadLad Tue 10-May-16 10:59:56

If you are having a 3-course meal at 6:00 I don't think a subsequent "evening buffet" will be expected.

Bar arrangements sound fine to me.

No idea about presents though.

lanbro Tue 10-May-16 11:00:31

Coach between registry office and venue, cheese, biscuits and pickles in the evening. No free bar is fine, wine and fizz totally acceptable. Put a card box out, everyone will bring a card at least.

Happy wedding!

DerelictMyBalls Tue 10-May-16 11:02:02

The meal starting at 6 will probably go on til 8 or 9 so you won't need to feed people again.

Penfold007 Tue 10-May-16 11:02:18

Can you afford to make any changes? I think it looks fine the only thing I might add if and only if I could budget for it would be a light buffet around 9pm. As you've funded your own event I'd only give a gift to parents if you really want to such as a nice photo frame for each set so they can put a wedding photo in it. Enjoy your day flowers

1AngelicFruitCake Tue 10-May-16 11:02:58

My friend did this and fed us one. Absolutely fine. Would not expect you to put on transport.

WiIdfire Tue 10-May-16 11:03:11

Food sounds fine, do you have dessert PLUS cake? Or is cake the dessert? If you serve the cake a bit later that is perfect. Yes make sure you tell people there is a paid bar so they dont get a surprise after they've put their order in, but it's perfectly fine to have one.

I would still have a card box - I would give a card even if I wasn't giving a gift, it's different!

WiIdfire Tue 10-May-16 11:04:49

Transport - I would be happy to walk but I think plenty wouldn't. Is there a local taxi company that could send two or three cars and ferry people back and forward? Or even a couple of family members with cars? It doesn't need to be fancy transport and it can be done in relays as it is so close.

BadLad Tue 10-May-16 11:04:53

a light buffet around 9pm

Really? Just an hour or so after a three-course meal finishes?

MillionToOneChances Tue 10-May-16 11:06:54

Maybe nibbles near the bar in the evening - a few bowls of nuts and crisps. That would be plenty.

IloveCliveBixby Tue 10-May-16 11:06:56

Yes we are having dessert plus cake. We have little boxes so people can take cake away with them too.

A coach won't be possible due to the location. Busy city centre! Could get some cabs though?

IloveCliveBixby Tue 10-May-16 11:07:31

million Never thought of that. That would do surely!

TheCrumpettyTree Tue 10-May-16 11:09:59

I've only ever been to one wedding with a free bar and thats because the father of the bride was well off. I would never expect it so don't worry. I wouldn't expect transport to be provided either. It's only a mile. However it's useful to provide taxi, transport and parking info in the invitations.

I would have a table for cards at least as guests are likely to bring them anyway.

MillionToOneChances Tue 10-May-16 11:10:57

If it's a mile across the city centre then I would expect guests to make their own way - they can decide whether to walk for 20 minutes or get a cab.

Puffinity Tue 10-May-16 11:12:01

Sounds lovely - we're doing something similar. I would arrange transport for people between venues though, especially if they have mobility problems or are unfamiliar with the city. We are having the party at my parents' house so there will be a free 'bar'. However, we also have a wedding gift list so I guess it balances out. I wouldn't worry about people buying you presents even though you said you don't want any - we've already received gifts from people we didn't even invite! It's a special occasion and some people want to mark that with a gift. Accept gracefullysmile

Bonywasawarriorwayayix Tue 10-May-16 11:13:27

We had the same timings as you and no reception only guests. The snacks we provided later were barely touched.
I would tell people in advance about the bar if you have time. Either way it would be fine so long as they can get to a cash point easily.
Wouldn't bother with transport. I presume I have to sort myself out unless told otherwise and a mile isn't far.
Have your parents helped with organising or anything? If not, I don't see the point.
Have a great day flowers

grannytomine Tue 10-May-16 11:15:22

Poor you, it is all such a minefield isn't it. It all sounds lovely to me, I think the only thing I would like is a cup of coffee with my cake but most bars seem to do that so I would be happy to get one at the bar and enjoy my cake after the meal had settled.

I have been to a wedding with a timetable like yours and they brought the cake out about 10 pm and did serve tea and coffee with it for those who wanted it which I did appreciate.

Will people have their own transport with them if they are travelling to the wedding? If so most people will probably get a lift if they haven't got a car.

Hope you enjoy your day.

inlovewithhubby Tue 10-May-16 11:18:39

I love the sound of your wedding!

Ok - food sounds absolutely plenty - full meal at 6 plus cake is loads. No one will eat a 10pm buffet after a 6pm meal.

Pay bar is quite usual ime? Wine and bubbles good though, gets the ball rolling.

We had no pressie rule too. A few people did bring gifts and left on a random table. If you want things informal, which it sounds like you do, then let people find a sensible place themselves and others will follow with cards etc. Most venues have random tables dotted about. I don't like post boxes personally as they tend to appear at weddings with cash requests so i tend to associate them with that, but if you fancy one then do it.

As long as you tell people where venues are they can make their own way. Unless it's tipping it down, a mile is easily walkable or a short cab/bus ride which people will happily sort out themselves I reckon? We've done this loads and feels very normal.

I don't think your family sounds like one which would expect gifts so i don't think you need to buy your parents anything. Ours paid for ours but we kept presents for bridesmaids, best man etc. Our parents were just over the moon to see us get hitched and didn't want anything else. They were beaming all day as I'm sure yours will be.

I think you sound quite the antithesis of unreasonable - have a bloody lovely wedding.

Alanna1 Tue 10-May-16 11:18:48

I think your wedding sounds lovely. I'd just make clear to people what is happening, so they know, including that its a cash bar afterwards (so they know to being money).

Also I always bring gifts. I want too! Weddings are important to me to mark. If you really don't want one, I've been to weddings that have a charitable account instead - one lovely one used the oxfam good gifts option but I've seen a variety. Or make that very very clear on the invitations. But then I had a friend who did that, but then actually was a bit hurt by how few of her close friends even bought her little gifts.

lem73 Tue 10-May-16 11:23:08

I think that sounds great. I guess you could add crisps/nuts at the bar and MAYBE buy the first round of drinks at the bar, depending on your budget. Most importantly you are a thoughtful host who cares about her guests which is what will make the day a success. Have a lovely day.

JapanNextYear Tue 10-May-16 11:27:38

I think a lot of it is about letting people know what to expect. I'd be fine with a mile walk but I have friends who couldn't manage it so would want to know in advance so could pre book a taxi or work out how to get there. I wouldn't put on a bus or anything though for that distance. If it's a city centre where there's loads of cabs then let people let them now.

I wouldn't expect fed again, but some crisps on the bar would go down well!

Pay bar, fine - especially if there's been some wine on the table.

RapidlyOscillating Tue 10-May-16 11:28:01

All sounds perfect, especially as no evening only guests. Numbers etc for reliable cab firm the only obligation re transport imo unless you have any disabled or elderly guests, in which case, contact them individually to discuss maybe?

nmg85 Tue 10-May-16 11:37:28

Sounds fine to me. One meal at 6pm should be fine.
I wouldn't expect more then wine with food if at all.
The mile thing could be an issue for older people / women in heels but they can sort it out if they want, maybe have a number handy.
People may bring a card for you even if no gift so I would maybe have a plan of somewhere to put them.
The gifts for parents is up to you. We gave my in laws something and they had done nothing mainly as I didn't want them to feel left out when we gave gifts to ours. We did flowers for mums and a beer / cider 'BRO-quet' for the men.

wigglesrock Tue 10-May-16 11:39:24

It sounds lovely - very like my sisters wedding, with slightly less distance between the registry office and reception. I don't think you need to lay on transport but have a couple of taxi numbers handy incase people don't fancy the walk or its pissing down. Your food is grand - no need to lay anything more on but I'd serve your cake a little later in the evening and see if I could stretch to some coffee or if you're serving coffee with the dessert I'd see if you could switch and have coffee/tea later with the cake.

The pay bar is fine - although I'd buy a drink for everyone when they arrive at the reception but that's just how it's been done at weddings I've been to. I've never been to a wedding where I haven't brought a gift/voucher/ card/money, so I'd have a bag/box to put cards or gifts in but I wouldn't leave it out. Most people hand the gift/card to you so it's handy to have a place to put them.

I'd go with gifts/flowers for parents but to up to you whether you want to give them at the reception. I hope all goes well and you have the day you want grin. I love weddings - I know I can be a bit in the minority grin

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Tue 10-May-16 11:40:27

We did exactly this OP - married at 4pm, 3 course meal at 6pm. We paid for wine at the table, and champagne on arrival. We didn't put money behind the bar, although I think both DH and my dad made sure they bought everyone a drink at the bar. We didn't do an evening buffet - I don't think we'd finished eating/speeches till about 8.30pm.

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