Aibu to expect party guests not to bring uninvited friends?

(38 Posts)
Mummyme1987 Sun 08-May-16 23:39:02

Aibu? I haven't thrown a party for an adult for many years. So I'm not sure what is the norm now. So invited 100 odd guests 60 rsvped, the rest didn't even bother. Tried Facebook event thing so all they had to do is click a button, still most didn't bother. I think that's very rude, but is this the way of things now? Also had two guests turn up with someone we didn't know, that also wasn't their partner (they had their partner and kids there). One didn't even come at the same time as the invited guest. Just walked in an hour later. I was a bit shock. I am so out of date but in my party days you replied and didn't invite guests yourself. I asked the person whose party it was if they knew who it was, they didn't, they went over and they got introduced. I wanted to ask them to leave but my dh said leave it. About 10 people just turned up without rsvping. Am I just a dinosaur? Or am I right to think it's rude?

Crispbutty Sun 08-May-16 23:41:30

suppose it would depend if its a free bar or in your own home then it is rude, otherwise maybe not as rude when so many people are there anyway

Mummyme1987 Sun 08-May-16 23:45:44

It was at a venue that that was catered paid per head. Bar was paid for your own. But we had only ordered food for the people that we expected. venue had to add food to buffet.

Mummyme1987 Sun 08-May-16 23:46:59

And yes they counted how many were there as they went up for food.

mrsdoughnut Sun 08-May-16 23:47:53

It's rude.

Crispbutty Sun 08-May-16 23:48:10

Then I think its rude if they didnt check if it was ok with you.

Mummyme1987 Sun 08-May-16 23:49:32

No just walked in, no asking before hand.

Mummyme1987 Sun 08-May-16 23:53:40

I mentioned it to another guest and they seemed to just think that was ok.

wallybantersjunkbox Sun 08-May-16 23:54:03

Yanbu very rude if they knew it was catered.

Mummyme1987 Sun 08-May-16 23:57:54

We didn't mention it was catered in the invite but my point to my do was what if everyone brought someone. We had fire regs limits in the contract we had to sign.

Mummyme1987 Sun 08-May-16 23:58:25

To my dh even

BackforGood Sun 08-May-16 23:59:34

Of course it's rude.
Sadly, the not RSVPing, or replying very, very late does seem to have become more common. Never come across anyone so rude as to bring other people though, or turn up to a party hosted by someone who hasn't invited them.

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:03:10

I was shock at one person doing it but angry at two doing it.

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:06:31

I was busy getting my dd sorted with food, etc. So to start with I wasn't sure. But I asked the party person about it , and they went over to investigate as the person who just walked in could have been a gatecrasher.

Tartyflette Mon 09-May-16 00:11:53

Was the person for whom the party was held an older teenager or young adult, OP? Because if so i think all bets are off!

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:16:42

No was a milestone with a 0 on the end party.

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:19:22

I had a list of all invited people and the gatecrashers were both over 40!
If it had been a teen party then all bets would have been off!

BeckyWithTheMediocreHair Mon 09-May-16 00:26:01

They were rude, but Facebook invitations have become so ubiquitous that it's quite a casual way to issue invitations.

I posted proper invitations for a recent milestone birthday and for DD's baptism and got a good return of accurate RSVPs. Personalised email and services like paperless post are also helpful because they convey a sense of 'reality' to guests. I am invited to all sorts of events via Facebook. They are often scattergun in their approach (there is a button to allow you to invite all of your friends in one click) and consequentially I'm afraid that I pay them less regard than personalised invitations.

BillSykesDog Mon 09-May-16 00:32:48

Facebook invites are a terrible way of inviting people. Firstly, people don't really know that you are actually inviting them personally, they may well just think that you're spamming everyone on your friend list. They might well think they've had the invite but you don't actually particularly want them there, you've just sent it out to everyone, and you would be a bit hmm if they actually turned up.

Secondly, it does give the impression that it's a bit of a free for all, again because a lot of people will just assume that you've sent it out to your whole friend list and it's a come one come all type event. FB gives more of the impression of the type of less formal thing that extras can be added to.

Much better IMO to have a formal personalised invite posted, with a note that a FB thing is to follow.

Still, I hope you had a nice party, and if you did, really not worth worrying about. Unless one of the uninvited guests trashed your house or nicked your silver.

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:32:57

We did proper paper and send invites, then we messenger people then we did a Facebook event page with invites. So three invites each really, though not all guests are on fb.

BillSykesDog Mon 09-May-16 00:34:43

That's rude. They could have had the decency to phone and ask. But as long as the party went well I wouldn't worry too much.

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:36:53

Yes we did enjoy the party just annoyed I had to pay out for strangers! They didn't even buy us a drink!

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:38:11

I wouldn't have the brass neck to do that at a strangers party.

Mummyme1987 Mon 09-May-16 00:40:05

Do people turn up at weddings univited too I wonder? I'm not going to throw another party for quite sometime, well unless it involve my kids.

Iflyaway Mon 09-May-16 00:40:58

Yes, rude. But you shouldn't have announced it on Facebook...

Like Angela Merkel... everyone will turn up.

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