To think it's a bit weird when men get over protective about their DDs having boyfriends?

(332 Posts)
PinkyOfPie Sun 08-May-16 15:11:16

BIL has a thing about his DD getting a boyfriend (she's only 5!) and keeps saying things like he'll wait at home with a baseball bat when she goes on her first date and tells her she can't have a boyfriend until she's 21. Apparently he "knows what lads that age are like and how they treat girls" hmm He doesn't do it in a jokey way either has no sense of humour.

This isn't the first time I've encountered this over protective attitude, and it's often portrayed on TV/films too. AIBU to think it's ridiculous and unhealthy? My dad was always fine with me having BFs as a teen, as long as they were treating me right.i think it's rather unfair to assume all boys are shitheads to girls.

ghostyslovesheep Sun 08-May-16 15:14:22

it's macho bullshit really - all about policing girls behaviour whilst letting 'boys be boys' hmm

it's bollox

JonSnowsBeardClippings Sun 08-May-16 15:14:58

Of course it is. It's pure misogyny. Young women can't have sexual agency, they are all victims of rapacious boys and need to be protected. It's male ownership of their female offspring.

ghostyslovesheep Sun 08-May-16 15:15:02

buy and wear this! a.abcnews.go.com/images/Lifestyle/ht_feminist_father_kb_140619_16x9_992.jpg

Beeziekn33ze Sun 08-May-16 15:15:42

They get like that because they remember what they were like as teenage boys in many cases!

Sparklingbrook Sun 08-May-16 15:16:51

As the parent of two teen boys I find it all very hmm

misssmithx Sun 08-May-16 15:17:45

Lets be realistic. He's not going to bat anyone. He just cares about his DD

WorraLiberty Sun 08-May-16 15:18:56

It's all just blah blah blah....look how much I love my daughter bollocks.

Half of the men saying it couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag.

But in this area, it seems to be the 'done thing' to say that shit.

VulcanWoman Sun 08-May-16 15:20:32

Agree, it's idiotic and ridiculous.

BillBrysonsBeard Sun 08-May-16 15:21:17

It's ridiculous, what a way to make his daughter rebel and probably do worse things she wouldn't have otherwise.. She just needs to be taught to have confidence to say "No" and not do anything she doesn't want to. If he thinks like this then does he wish the dads of teen girls he fooled around with got involved back then? No bet he doesn't. We all have to make our own way through being a teen..

Felyne Sun 08-May-16 15:21:58

I fully agree, it's gross. This article is good:
goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/

potoftea Sun 08-May-16 15:24:15

It angers me when men carry on like that. Firstly I take it as an insult to young men like my dss and their friends.
And secondly it says a lot about the type of teenager the dad must have been if he's admitting that a boy like him would be bad news around his dd.
And lastly it shows a lack of trust in his daughter's ability to pick friends, and disregard for her choices.

vienna1981 Sun 08-May-16 15:25:18

Pinky. Your BIL is a prick and I feel for his daughter.

AnyFucker Sun 08-May-16 15:34:05

Pure idiotic, proprietary sexism at best and creepy misogyny at worst

I expect he'll be saying "get in there lad" when his 11yo son gets caught watching pornography

Some people haven't the brains they were born with

Bogeyface Sun 08-May-16 15:34:33

Apparently he "knows what lads that age are like and how they treat girls"

Judging all lads by his own standards then?

May I suggest you say to him that you are sure she is sensible enough to pick someone totally unlike her father and so she should be fine grin

witsender Sun 08-May-16 15:35:20

Yup, gross.

KoalaDownUnder Sun 08-May-16 15:35:36

It's pathetic posturing. YANBU.

ShebaShimmyShake Sun 08-May-16 15:37:12

My father tried to police my sexuality. He refused to allow boyfriends to stay even when I was in my 20, and despite having been enormously promiscuous Hines (naturally he looked down on women doing the same). So we just did it when he was out, sometimes on his bed, and sometimes in public. Nice one, Dad.

She'll do the same.

Piemernator Sun 08-May-16 15:38:33

Well yes probably with all the macho posturing crap but when you look at the thread recently asking how many women have been molested maybe their actual actions are purely to protect.

Catmuffin Sun 08-May-16 15:42:07

Good t shirt Ghosty

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff Sun 08-May-16 15:42:43

I think there is an element of men remembering their own misdeeds as teens. But my DH says things like that about DD1 (she's 12) and admits it's more he can't bear the thought of his baby growing up.
I think it's sweet personally

DoinItFine Sun 08-May-16 15:43:37

It's the same nasty sexist fuckers staking claim to their female property in thie way that do the molesting of other men's female objects.

Yuck.

This is "protection" like forcing women to wear burgas is protection.

Grim as all fuck.

ShebaShimmyShake Sun 08-May-16 15:44:35

It's not sweet, Flumps. It's possessive, selfish and patronising.

AskBasil Sun 08-May-16 15:45:39

YANBU.

It's more than weird, it's misogynist bell-endry.

I think it reveals either a revolting feeling of ownership of their girl children, which means that she can't be allowed to exercise any sexual agency, or that they are man-haters who believe all young men are rapists, who need to be kept away from their little girl.

If they believe that all young men are rapists, it makes me wonder if they are telling us all that they were rapists when they were young. If they believe girls and women aren't entitled to sexual agency, they're sexist shits.

Either way, it says nothing good about the men who chat shit like this.

TheFuckersBitingMe Sun 08-May-16 15:46:01

There's a thing on Facebook where people think it's hilarious to post those "Rules if you're dating my son/daughter/cat" where they threaten pain and suffering on anyone who hurts their child's feelings. I have two sons and rather than write lists of demands for future partners, would hope that I'm raising them to not choose utter dicks for lovers. And if they do (as so many of us have done before them) then we'll smile nicely and say "never mind, kiddo" when their hearts get broken.

This whole thing of people owning their children is bollocks. You absolutely do not. You protect and nurture and love and cherish and occasionally dislike them, but they don't belong to you. They're on loan til they no longer need you. And if you act like that, it'll come sooner rather than later.

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