to hope for more from grandparents

(85 Posts)
cornishglos Fri 06-May-16 21:51:41

If your parents live 4+ hours away and have other grandchildren, how much would you hope to see them?
I have the feeling mine aren't that interested in my kids.
We have always got on fine.
Thanks

Pisssssedofff Fri 06-May-16 21:53:49

I would not have wrote this 10 years ago but I've got a feeling I'm going to be the worse granny in the world. I cannot imagine having any interest at all in driving four hours to see a kid that's not mine. I'll take mine out shopping/lunch etc to give her a break from kid but having raised your own ...

Oysterbabe Fri 06-May-16 21:54:55

Mine live 4 hours away. We see them 3 or 4 times a year.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Fri 06-May-16 21:55:33

so you expect them to travel to you?

3boys3dogshelp Fri 06-May-16 21:57:00

We probably see gps who are that far away 3/4 times a year.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 21:57:05

This depends on sooooo many things. Age, fitness, commitments, ability to travel, space to stay etc

I think being so vague it's hard to comment on what to expect in your situation.

My parents are 3 hrs away and mum comes to stay every couple of months (more if I'm struggling) and dad for big occasions. We go there a couple of times a year. Both are retired, able bodied and have cars. We do FaceTime most days though.

edwinbear Fri 06-May-16 21:57:11

My in laws live 5 hrs away, we see them 3-4 times a year.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 21:58:09

Oh and no other DC yet but my only sibling's mil is very "involved" so they expect when that happens they won't get to see that DC very often

Muskateersmummy Fri 06-May-16 21:58:22

I don't expect anything from any of dd's grandparents but it's not surprising to me that the one we see least (once every few months) is the one who lives over 3 hours away. When people are that far away it seems a tad unfair to expect much. We often meet half way, and we go down to visit during the holidays. I wouldn't expect them to make special journeys up to see us

PaulAnkaTheDog Fri 06-May-16 21:59:32

How often do you make the effort to see them? We need more information.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 22:00:15

Yeah, none of this is expected, just how it pans out and they want to see DD as much as possible (very doted on)

wizzywig Fri 06-May-16 22:01:30

Were you hoping we would all say they visit every month despite being 4hrs drive away?

Pisssssedofff Fri 06-May-16 22:03:35

Listen my mother lived 5 minutes Roy do the corner and visited twice a year, they can either be arsed or they can't it's that simple

donkir Fri 06-May-16 22:05:20

Both sets of gp's are an 1hr and a half away. My parents FaceTime everyday and try to see them at least once a month my dp's parents though don't bother and have seen their gs 4 times in his 15 months of life the last being 31 Jan. They don't text or call either to see how he is.

LikeAbatOutOfHell Fri 06-May-16 22:07:09

My grandchildren live 2 hours away, I get upset if I don't see them every month. I expect to travel to see them as they have dance classes ect at weekend so easier for us to travel

HeffalumpHistory Fri 06-May-16 22:10:25

Parents are 6hours away. Mum comes here maybe 3x per year & we go to mum & dads prob twice a year. Skype maybe 5x per week with kids & call after kids are in bed for a proper chat at least once a week.
I consider us close despite the distance.
I have nieces & nephews that live streets away from parents & my children are adored as equally as the other grandchildren

APotterWithAHappyAtmosphere Fri 06-May-16 22:11:35

DS's GPs live about 4 hrs travelling time away and we probably see them 6-8 times a year. We go and stay for a few weekends and they visit 3-4 times and stay with us, often helping with childcare. They ring a couple of times and month and stay in touch via email and cards. DS is very close to them in spite of the distance.

BrandNewAndImproved Fri 06-May-16 22:11:42

My dm moved 2.5 hours away when I told her I was pregnant. We didn't have the best relationship anyway. When I got pregnant again she moved back and although we used to have a rocky relationship we're now really good friends. She babysits 9 x out of 10 whenever I ask. She also takes days off of work to have my dc if they have an inset day as I can't take days off from work as I work term time only.

I used to have friends who dumped their dc every weekend Friday till Sunday on their parents and I did feel envious as whilst my dm might have had my kids for a weekend it would be for a reason like a night out or a mini break. Now though I hardly ever ask her to have them as I love my weekends with just the three of us and feel very detached from my almost ex friends who are still raving and getting faded every weekend.

LogicalThinking Fri 06-May-16 22:15:06

4 hours away, 1-2 times per year.
But there are lots of relevant factors.

NewLife4Me Fri 06-May-16 22:16:51

We used to see ils twice a year if we were lucky, they had a child and both worked.
My parents visited once a year, and dh dad and dw visited us twice in 12 years .

They all had kids and/or were working, so we didn't really expect them to visit.
We used to travel twice a year and visit them all.

Mandatorymongoose Fri 06-May-16 22:19:48

Pil live about 2 / 2.5 hrs away. They come here once a year, twice at most.

They visit (childless) sil who lives slightly further away more often.

I don't care, their loss really!

Originalfoogirl Fri 06-May-16 22:26:03

My parents live 3-4 hours away, we see them about once a month, we go there or they come here. Same with my sister. My BILs live thirty minutes away, we barely see them.

It's more about who thinks it's worth making the journey.

BestZebbie Fri 06-May-16 22:26:13

Maybe every 6 weeks - them travelling about 2/3 of the time, not always both of them on every visit. So - 8 times a year, including christmas/other family occasions?

PeppermintPasty Fri 06-May-16 22:31:51

My mum lives in London, I live in Cornwall. We go to her about three times a year, she never comes to us. She also looks after my DC in the summer hols in London for 2-3 weeks so I can work.

My ex's parents live three miles away from me and they only visit on birthdays and at Christmas to drop off presents because they are emotionally deficient and utterly twattish, like the ex (who never sees his children at all despite living in the same village).

rednsparkley Fri 06-May-16 22:40:17

My parents live 7hrs away and see the children every half term and longer in the summer break. We go to them as they have the room to host us and infrequently they have been to us.

the PIL live 150metres from us and see the children on birthdays and christmas as they are crap.

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