Post-wedding message thread - I'm worried now ...

(35 Posts)
RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Fri 06-May-16 14:15:59

I'm in a similar situation in that I'm about to attend a wedding of an old colleague. She's lovely and I'm really looking forward to it. She has also asked for cash contributions rather than presents which is totally fair enough.

But I was going to send £50 and I'm now worried this is stingy in light of the other thread.

This isn't a wind-up btw, I'd really appreciate any thoughts on what the correct amount is for this type of thing.

gabsdot Fri 06-May-16 14:19:43

Normal people will be grateful for any amount however big or small. £50 is a very suitable and generous amount IMO

x2boys Fri 06-May-16 14:21:14

Have not read the other thread but £50 seems reasonable give what you can afford surely ,when my cousin got married a few yrs ago they wanted money ,I could only afford £30 so that's what they got .

RuskBaby Fri 06-May-16 14:23:50

For our wedding last year we were simply happy people came. A few didn't bring cards and that upset me not in a grabby way but in that I have kept a box with them in to read through each year as the messages were beautiful. £50 is a LOT of money!

Dizzydodo Fri 06-May-16 14:24:55

We asked for money instead of gifts as we had already set up home but made it clear what we really wanted was people to celebrate with us, if they wanted to get us something money towards our honeymoon would be lovely. Most people gave £20-50, when I have been to weddings with a similar 'gift' request I'd stick below £50.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 14:25:05

No I say £30 to £50, if you can afford more and are very close then sure but I would be uncomfortable taking more from people I'm not related to or extremely close to

Chlobee87 Fri 06-May-16 14:25:45

We got married last summer and I don't think we received more than £50 from anybody who wasn't a very close friend or a family member. People we are not as close to (neighbours, friends of the family etc.) tended to give in the region of £25/£30 or a gift like wine glasses, mugs etc. We thought that our guests were very generous indeed.

Only a proper pair of Grabby McGee's would take issue with a £50 cheque from anybody!

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 14:26:29

Obviously if you can't afford a present then none at all to! Didn't mean people have to give at least £30

RNBrie Fri 06-May-16 14:28:09

I don't give cash to people as a gift for this exact reason, it's weird to ask people for money to attend an event (sorry to the people who have done this!!) and you end up feeling judged for how much you can afford.

If you do want to give cash then £50 is entirely reasonable.

That other thread is a one off, anyone that reacts like that to a gift of any size is no friend at all!!

brassbrass Fri 06-May-16 14:28:40

I went to a wedding of a colleague and gave £30 based on only being invited to the evening do and there was no plus one so I went on my own (although there were other colleagues there so I wasn't bored or lonely)

HTH as a guide.

MrsJoeyMaynard Fri 06-May-16 14:30:11

I would expect any normal person to be grateful for any amount given. £50 sounds absolutely fine to me.

Thinking of the wedding presents (including vouchers and cash) we got, £50 would have been a bit more than the average value we received.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Fri 06-May-16 14:30:57

Cheers all - I can send it with a happy heart now!

Threesquids Fri 06-May-16 14:32:28

I am getting married very soon and have asked for money towards a holiday. I would not expect anyone to put £50! £10-£20 if they did wish to contribute.
I would also not 'expect' anyone to even do it!

ratspeaker Fri 06-May-16 14:37:35

Normal, non grabby, non rude people say thank you for any amount.
They do not try and shame guests into giving more by asking for " adjustments" ( as quoted in other thread)

Imho people dont have weddings and invite guests with a view to making a profit.

MadHattersWineParty Fri 06-May-16 14:39:04

I said to my partner last night that I would genuinely, hand on heart be over the moon by having our friends and family enjoy the day with us. He wholeheartedly agrees. We plan to make the wedding pretty convenient location wise and there's some space to stay with family if anyone struggles for accommodation, but I'm under no illusion that it will still cost people money to attend. So If anyone wanted to give us some money towards a honeymoon, well, lovely and we shall be grateful but there'll certainly be no totting up of who gave, who gave more than who etc etc. The thought of doing that the day after my wedding makes me a bit sad to be honest!

StillDrSethHazlittMD Fri 06-May-16 14:39:47

I've only been to two weddings where money was requested.

One of those I was only invited to an evening do, with no plus one, and I'd only met the bride four times and the groom never (I was a friend of the bride's parents and I think was invited for them). I think they got £20.

The other wedding is in a couple of months. I'm there all day, but no plus one, and I don't really know them terribly well (I've never met the bride). I shall probably do around £30.

Really good friends or family I would do £50 but not more. An old colleague certainly wouldn't be getting £50 unless I was well off. Which I'm not.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Fri 06-May-16 14:41:19

I was told that you should give thirty per meal eaten because this is what it cost the hosts to have you as a guest. The whole thing is crackers. I would have preferred no gifts and random donations to a charity. Definitely not more than thirty.

ExitPursuedByABear Fri 06-May-16 14:44:24

I was always under the impression that you only sent a card to a wedding if you were not attending.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 14:46:45

thirty per meal eaten never heard that one. That sounds like someone trying to sound knowledgeable.
We just want people to come to our wedding but some have money and gifts anyway. I didn't have a baby shower either because it feels like expecting gifts for my life decisions.

jamhot Fri 06-May-16 14:57:16

I got married 2 weeks ago. The gifts (we asked for cash and vouchers) ranged from 0 to £100 per person. Around £15-20 per adult attending was around the average gift. I thought this was generous. I would have been delighted to receive your £50.

jamhot Fri 06-May-16 15:01:37

For reference, it cost us £63 per full day person (which all were except 2 guests) for food alone, and I would never expect to transfer that cost to a guest! Our wedding, our cost.

WhatchaMaCalllit Fri 06-May-16 15:05:19

Give what you want. Don't pay any heed to whatever amounts are being thrown about in the other thread.
Give them a toaster (this used to be the done thing - i.e. give an actual gift as the B&G would usually be setting up home together for the first time). Whatever you do, have a great time at the wedding smile

Pseudo341 Fri 06-May-16 15:05:22

£50 is perfectly generous, it's about what I'd expect to spend on a present in normal circumstances. If I thought someone was going to be miffed at not getting enough money from me I wouldn't want to go to their wedding.

frieda909 Fri 06-May-16 15:08:29

I used to earn an above-the-national-average salary. I wasn't rolling in it, by any means, but I was fairly comfortable. At all the weddings I got invited to during that time I gave about £50, or bought a gift of around that amount, and it never would have occurred to me that this might be seen as stingy.

I then went back to uni to retrain and now earn around half what I used to, and live in a much more expensive city. Money is really tight and I can't usually afford to spend more than £20 on a wedding gift. Recently a very good friend got married at a really difficult time for me financially. I had agreed to make a cake for the wedding reception (not a full-on wedding cake, just a nice carrot cake) but I really couldn't stretch to a present as well. I sent my friend a grovelling emailing saying as much, and I got the loveliest reply saying that the cake was more than enough and that I wasn't to worry about it for another second.

However much you give, though, the only response it is EVER acceptable to give when receiving a gift of ANY value is 'thank you'!

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 15:09:01

If someone was then they are a greedy, ungrateful twat who doesn't deserve more.

No idea about what is being said on another thread to make you feel that it's not much

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