I feel reckless and need help

[cjt110]

I have an obessive/addictive personality and can often go off the rails when things go awry. I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I have been feeling quite shit lately and have spent a small fortune on new clothes. (A small fortune to me anyway) and ended up spending half of my "spends" from my wages before I even had it. As such I have about half of my monthly spends to last til payday.

I have been feeling very itchy and not right lately. Nothing to put my finger on but not quite right.

We got some bad news yesterday that my aunt has cancer. I am not particularly close to this aunt but am fiercely protective of my Mum due to issues that arose around the time of my grandma's death with her siblings. Those feelings have arisen again and I am really in a "I dont give a fuck what you think mood" and am liable to explode should anyone upset my Mum. I am finding this is making my vciew on the whole thing quite.... numb and distanced. I am extremely close to my Mum and would hate my feelings to upset her in any way. I have said to her this morning I am here 100% if she needs me but I don't "get" the sibling feeling as I don't have any. She said she understands and that it is just hard for her to get her head around because her sister is poorly.

I really don't know what to do. I feel all fidgety, itchy and almost buzzing lately.... Help.

[SeriousCreativeBlock]

Could you be Bipolar? That sounds like one of my manic episodes. Mania isn't all extreme happiness. It's also anxiety, irritability and overspending among many other symptoms.

[CaptainCrunch]

I worked very closely with someone who is bipolar, this sounds incredibly familiar to when she had a manic episode.

[AdrenalineFudge]

What meds are you on for depression and anxiety?

[cjt110]

I have wondered if it could be but never asked the GP. Is it worth asking?

[cjt110]

AdrenalineFudge 30mg of citalopram a day

[CaptainCrunch]

Citalopram is an SSRI, I don't think that would be effective for a bipolar disorder. My colleague was on lithium but that was 20 years ago.

You need to go to the doctor and be very honest about your symptoms.

[cjt110]

I went not all that long back as I had been very panicky, quite angry, exhausted etc. My citalopram was upped from 20mg to 30mg. I was also referred for a stress course which I have now completed and have been referred for counselling too.

Could it be just one of those phases and not something like Bipolar?

[SeriousCreativeBlock]

You'd do better on mood stabilisers I suspect rather than anti depressants.

[cjt110]

I had been feeling better than I had. It's just Ive woken up today with that buzzy itchy fidgetty feeling.

[AdrenalineFudge]

I think a trip back to your GP is in order regardless. Thing is, a cancer diagnosis isn't just a bad day or a rough patch, it can knock even the most resilient of us so I do think you'll need more support. I am also protective over my mother and I can see how you might be more worried about your mum's reaction rather than the aunt with the cancer.
I think you'll need to review your current meds with a GP, 30mg of citalopram in my view at least is quite a mild dosage for such pervasive feelings.

[cjt110]

I'm hoping it passes. I think I need to get onto my counselling ASAP as I have quite a few deep rooted things I need to talk about and get out there but I believe the waiting time is 3m.