This will end up being long sorry.
Long time lurker (which hasn't helped with my decision making at all btw, made it harder if anything)
Background: I have amenorrhea but have never had fertility tests due to previously not wanting kids.
Been with my now DH for five years. Was only 20 when we met but at the time i didn't want kids. DH is 13 years older, no kids, no exes to speak of, no interest in kids. We purchased our house two years ago using a mixture of inheritance, saving and a small loan. Married two years. Husband has always said the ball is in my court regarding children. He doesn't want them but says he loves me and whatever I want he will ultimately be okay with whatever I decide. We have discussed it a few times over the years and it always ends the same - he says it's up to me and I say no I'm fine without. It's never really brought up by us it's always part of a wider conversation.
I have no real desire currently for kids. I don't know if I ever will. I do know that I am young and have time but I also know that I am going to need a diagnosis and help which will take a long time. I am also very put off by my husband's age. He's 38 now, which is fine and a great age to be a dad. But if I change my mind in ten years be will be 48 years old when he started ttc and 50+ potentially before babies arrived. I think because I had going parents (My dad is only 48) this seems crazy to me and not really like a valid option.
It's kind of striking me as a now or never situation, and has been for about a year hence all the lurking - and I'm no closer to a decision. I'm worried if I do it I will regret it and I'm worried If I don't I will regret it.
I'm also worried that despite my DH saying it's up to me he has made his feelings clear and worry if I do change my mind I'd be forcing my desires on him which isn't fair.
I'm the high earner in our house (high being a relative term) so other than maternity leave it would be him that did the most childcare (another reason him being 50+ at birth seems crazy to me) ..... Although our house will be paid off in 7 years so I could take a step back career wise but I don't think I like that idea! I work hard now because I want to retire young.
I guess what I want to know is what would you do? Do you have any experience of having or being an older father? And would IBU to put my desire to have kids above his preference to not if if came to it?
If you've made it this far you deserve a medal and thank you!
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AIBU?
Aibu to think this might end up being my biggest regret (having kids)
17 replies
WhereIsMyGabriel · 05/05/2016 23:08
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