To borderline despise my MIL

(19 Posts)
NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:24:53

Don't get me wrong, she can be a lovely lady, but she continually puts other people down about their weight, I've seen and read that this is quite often the case and is not uncommon, but she told my daughter on a family holiday in 2014 (when I was pregnant) that she was getting to be fat like me. I was disgusted and outraged. She was 12 at the time and keeps being told by said Grandmother that's fat. We're also going through a few issues with Dd's weight concerns at the moment (see AIBU to ban my 14 yo from dieting) Is there something wrong with me for hating MiL for this, or am I completely justified in disliking the woman?

puglife15 Thu 05-May-16 18:27:05

That's bloody horrendous. It's the sort of thing that can result in eating disorders. I'd be furious and would have to say something, minimise contact and warn her if she says anything like it again you'll be forced to keep DD away from her.

Absofrigginlootly Thu 05-May-16 18:28:25

What puglife said!!!!!

What a cow!

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:28:31

Hi puglife I mentioned on my other post about banning my kids from seeing her until she sorts her head out, would that be unreasonable? Dd2 is only 8months but I don't want her growing up with her Grandmother telling her she's fat

MetalMidget Thu 05-May-16 18:29:14

No, completely justified - she's potentially lining your daughter up for a lifelong complex and eating disorder, especially if her self esteem is taking a battering from bullies at school. I speak from personal experience (although in my case it was my mother, not grandmother, with the comments).

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:29:28

Thank you Abso I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking she's a cow (well even husband thinks she's way out of line but we can't really do much about it)

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:30:01

Midget I'm sorry to hear your mother was like that, hope everything's fine now xx

puglife15 Thu 05-May-16 18:32:09

YANVU to cut her out, just read your other thread - your poor DD

noisyrice Thu 05-May-16 18:34:29

Keep the MIL away.

My grandmother commented how I was getting chubby when I was about 10. Secondary school was when the bullying started, despite the fact I was underweight, I could just see the 'fat' the bullies laughed about. I had anorexia from ages 11-15 then lived with both bulimia and anorexia for another two years. I'm stable now and 'recovered' but I'm still suffering from depression. Please don't let her go into a downward spiral, but I wouldn't keep telling her that she's not fat (she isn't) but don't concentrate on her appearance, inspire her and tell her how much you and all the family appreciate her for her and the joy she brings to you and the world.

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:35:02

It's a tough one puglife but (not sure how much you've read) seeing as dd is staying at other Grandma's she's not talking to me, and hasn't spoken to me for 3 days, so it'll be tough to talk to her about the subject, and it will be hard to cut MIL out of loop because we are so family centred, even my parents mix with dh's mother and siblings, we are all very close

Absofrigginlootly Thu 05-May-16 18:35:33

You can't stop her being a cow no, if that's who she is.

But you can make it clear to her that as an adult she has the ability to watch what she says and if she doesn't then she just won't see DDs.

If your DD is being bullied too then this really is a recipe for disaster in terms of developing an eating disorder.

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:38:22

Abso I will keep a lookout for any signs and watch what she eats closely

Absofrigginlootly Thu 05-May-16 18:39:57

But you're not cutting MIL out, she'd be cutting herself out if warned that if she doesn't shut her trap she won't see DD, if she doesn't shut it!

If you're family centered then put your child at the center. Why is DD not talking to you?

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:40:26

noisy I do constantly tell her how much she means to me, as does dh. DD volunteers a lot locally and gets a lot of respect from neighbours and people she volunteers for/with. Re keeping MiL away, that will be hard as we are very family centred, even my parents mix with dh's motber and siblings, and we are (although a very big) close family and it will be hard to just cut her out of the loop

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:41:04

Oops repost

Absofrigginlootly Thu 05-May-16 18:41:44

Well if you're going to "watch what she eats closely" don't make it obvious for gods sake!!!!!!!!! shock

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:43:53

Abso We did warn her, and we did stop family get-togethers for a short time, but dd got upset that she wasn't with family, although she hates her Grandmother for calling her fat, she just loves her family in general and hates to be away from them, it's tough because we'lol upset dd either way, but it's more important that's she's healthy rather than not estranged from her grandma

NamelessAndShameless Thu 05-May-16 18:45:25

I won't make it obvious!! I cook, so I know what goes into her food, I make her lunch, she comes straight home after school apart from if I take her shopping or if she volunteers, and if she goes riding, I'll go with her, so I always know what is eaten in our family

BitOutOfPractice Thu 05-May-16 19:00:07

My exMiL said similar to my DD2. I went absolutely fucking ballistic. In fairness when my exH found out he demanded she apologise. I told him that if she didn't STFU about it I would make sure she didn't see her again. She apologised and hasn't said a word about it

BTW my DD2 is FAR from fat

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