To want closure for dd?

(5 Posts)
Amy214 Mon 02-May-16 18:57:57

Sorry its long but didnt want to drip feed.

Dd is 2 years old. I split up with her dad when pregnant, he didnt want her and tried to force me to get an abortion (i admit i said i would think about it and do more research just to shut him up as he was really upsetting/stressing me out) a day later i said i couldnt do it and i wanted to keep the baby (my original decision anyway) he soon changed his mind when i had a scan. All throughout my pregnancy he was always getting drunk and taking drugs and then phoning me and throwing up whilst i was on the phone angry he would repeatedly contact me and verbally abuse me (saying he was going to set my house on fire, purposely crash into me if he seen me driving and telling me i was only pregnant for so long) Anyway its a very looong story, i had to be induced as i had pre eclampsia due to the stress and never ending abuse and dd arrived early. Apparently i said whilst in labour that dd wasnt his hmm but my mum was there and can confirm i never even spoke to him. After dd was born i suffered a hemorrhage and refused to hold dd as i felt ill. I held her afterwards when i felt much stronger and i still feel guilty today that i didnt immediately hold her. He had no contact with her for 4-5 months (his decision) since then he has had hardly any contact with her . He will see her for 3-4 weekends in a row then drop off for 2 months at a time, every time dd sees him she is terrified she literally screams if i leave to use the bathroom (i try to avoid leaving) he doesnt show any interest when she is there hes more interested in his phone or fixing his precious car. He said 2 months ago he said he wanted to see her on a regular basis and have her overnight, i agreed to more contact but to work towards overnight stays as dd was unsure of him. During the 2 year period she has also had some contact with his mum (a lot more regular than him but that drops off a lot aswell) she is begging for overnights but i dont trust them to even feed her proper meals or to even listen to my requests, they think im a rubbish mum but say dd is coming on well and her speech is amazing? I just cant be bothered with the arguments and i want the contact to stop but would it be unreasonable or too far? I feel as though its all pointless as they go away for so long dd forgets who they are and we are back at square 1. And if you think i shouldnt stop contact how do we come to a better agreement without going to court?
Sorry its so long and thank you for reading smile

Amy214 Mon 02-May-16 18:59:38

Forgot to add i recently found out he was stabbed one weekend following an argument. And he has driving convictions so trusting him with dd in the car is never going to happen.

3littlefrogs Mon 02-May-16 19:03:33

I would stop initiating any contact at all. He is dangerous and abusive.

His mum has no rights at all. Your DD is not a toy for them to play with.

Don't make it easy for them. I think you need advice from someone who knows the legal side of this better than me. I am sure someone will be along in a minute.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 02-May-16 19:07:19

Under no circumstances should this worthless piece of shit have contact ever again. Nor should his mother. Record his texts and phone calls and when you've got two threats to kill, report him to the police.

Amy214 Mon 02-May-16 19:13:58

I have reported him before but it got recorded as a domestic and it never got teken any further. He isnt on the birth certificate so i know he has no rights either

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