I feel like a horrible ungrateful cow. But here it goes.
My whole family lives overseas. They don't speak English. I get on really well with all of them - DParents, sisters and their husbands. They come over as couples/small groups once/twice a year. DH and I visit them once/twice a year. We always put them up here when they visit, and they do the same. All good.
I'm expecting my first DC in the summer. First grandchild and niece/nephew for them all so it's a big deal. Also we're from a culture where family is very tight/intense (southern Europe). I've lived in the UK for ages and I find that attitude a little suffocating now.
AIBU to dread their visits when the baby is here? I had to have a chat with my mum to make her see that it's not ok to book a flight for a few days before the baby is born. That could mean they're here for 2-3 weeks before the baby is here. Or the baby could be early and it would be bad timing altogether. Also I want some peace and quiet for the last few days before I give birth, and DH and I want some family time before they descend on us. They've now said they'll come over as soon as the baby is born - hopefully I'll be able to say I need a couple of days to recover. I can't expect them to fly up for 2-3 days only - it'll be a minimum of a week, I expect. We used to have 2 spare rooms but one is now the nursery, so we can only comfortably host 2 of them, plus 2 on an inflatable in the lounge. They might all come at different times which could mean 3 x 1 week. DH doesn't speak a word of our language. I get quite stressed when they visit as I spend all my time translating. I never manage to enjoy my meals or whatever we're doing as I'm doing all the talking/explaining/negotiating culture differences. Also we live rurally and unless they rent a car, DH and I have to do all the driving.
Normally I just put up with it and overall I enjoy their visits, although I'm knackered when they leave. I can see I will get really stressed with a newborn in the mix.
AIBU to wish they booked the B&B down the road and perhaps got a hire car? I really don't know how I can suggest this without them taking offence. I feel so ungrateful as well - I'm pretty sure DM will be a huge help both with the baby and household chores. DSis is a nursery nurse. DDad is getting on a bit and finds this country a tad confusing but he's wonderful with DDog, for example - one less thing for me to do when they're here.
Shall I try and focus on the positives? Is there a way I can make my life easier in this scenario? I will of course grit my teeth through it all. It's my family and they've supported me throughout my life. The very least I can do is offer a bed for them to see their first grandchild when he/she's a few days old. I just wish it wasn't so intense and 24/7.
Any advice welcome. Sorry for the essay!
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AIBU?
To not want a house full of guests with a newborn?
44 replies
strandedabroad · 02/05/2016 18:39
OP posts:
KondoAttitude ·
02/05/2016 20:16
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