To feel undermined by MIL

(135 Posts)
Shouldwebeworried Mon 02-May-16 17:47:21

Ok, this may well sound silly but just want some genuine perspective.
I am fairly particular about how I dress my DD (almost 3), as in I don't want her covered in pink and "girly" stuff all the time. I have no objection to some of this but hate the idea that she should always be in pink and butterflies (or whatever) just because she is a girl. I want her to like whatever she likes because she likes it, not because she "ought to" 'cause she's a girl.
MIL appears to be of the complete opposite opinion and despite the fact we never dress DD in a super girly way, continually buys those exact type of clothes for her. E.g today she has given DD a pair of velcro sandals which are pink and glittery "because all little girls love that stuff" !
Also a coat that is pink and a cardi, skirt and hoody that are super pink and frilly and girly she showed me that are for impending birthday.
I am grateful she buys DD stuff (I kmow prob not sounding so right now) and it's very generous however, I do feel that as we never dress DD like this and mine and DH's frequent comments that we don't like the over girly stuff or too much pink that MIL is being a little bit underminey? Like she knows best because she had 2 kids 30 yrs ago ffs. Am I just being over sensitive or would anyone else be peeved?

Afreshstartplease Mon 02-May-16 17:49:10

Just mix her pink items with non pink items. Or dress her in the whole outfit and let her play in the mud

FuriousFate Mon 02-May-16 17:49:27

I'd be peeved that it sounds like she's deliberately gone out of her way to buy a colour she knows you don't like DD in. That does strike me as manipulative. Why would she do that? There are plenty of clothes for girls that are not pink!

WorraLiberty Mon 02-May-16 17:50:45

They're just clothes. I think you're making a bit of a bigger issue out of this than necessary.

It's not like she has to wear your MIL's gifts 7 days a week, is it?

FuriousFate Mon 02-May-16 17:50:56

Send her a link to this:

princess-awesome.com/pages/about-us

iklboo Mon 02-May-16 17:51:16

To this day I have an aversion to gingham because my every bloody dress my nana used to buy me was gingham in one colour or another. I think at one point I had about 15 gingham sodding dresses. I hated wearing dresses as well!

Lovemylittlebears Mon 02-May-16 17:53:25

Nope this wouldn't bother me. Id be grateful for the clothes smile if she said something like I wasn't dressing child appropriately or made hints about not putting child in nice clothes yes that's offensive but I think it's ok that she wants to buy girlie things even if it's not to your taste.

redskytonight Mon 02-May-16 17:54:50

What does DD want to wear?

WorraLiberty Mon 02-May-16 17:59:19

I'm a bit confused because you say you have no objection to some of it, but then go on to say you never dress her like that?

Headofthehive55 Mon 02-May-16 18:01:26

I think if someone buys some clothes for your child, it's nice for them to have the pleasure of choosing them. Maybe she just had boys so wants to be able to buy something very different for a change.

Does your DD like them though? That's the most important thing!

Eva50 Mon 02-May-16 18:02:46

Just dress her in it when she's with your MIL otherwise dress her as you please.

Or

Get DH to speak to MIL asking her if she could change the clothes for different colours as neither of you like pink and she's not likely to wear it much.

hazelangell Mon 02-May-16 18:03:13

Does your daughter like the items though? if she does then why would you withhold them from her because you deem them to be too girly?
I agree on the whole that girls don't have to wear pink and boys don't have to wear blue, I dislike gender stereotypes, but some girls DO like girly things.

sizeofalentil Mon 02-May-16 18:04:29

Maybe you could warn her against buying clothes for the time being saying that she's going through a growth spurt and suggesting she'd rather have an activity-based gift like a day out at the zoo or a membership to an attraction that they can enjoy together?

liquidrevolution Mon 02-May-16 18:04:43

I either exchage or give pink items back to MiL. After 21 months I think she is finally getting it. Just keep on at it. If she is not listening thats her problem.

Don't dress your dd in pink frills if you don't want to. (Its perfectly acceptable to ignore advice suggesting you mix the pink into her wardrobe too.)

For what it's worth my dd looks awful in pink.

superwormissuperstrong Mon 02-May-16 18:05:58

Just swap the clothes - most shops will let you exchange for something else without a receipt.

Ledkr Mon 02-May-16 18:06:29

Gosh what a total bastard.

RaeSkywalker Mon 02-May-16 18:10:12

I guess it depends how much it bothers you- is it worth upsetting MIL over if you make it crystal clear that your DD won't be wearing the clothes?

I'd put DD in it to play outside. If it gets ruined you won't be upset. Th option would be just keeping them to visits to her grandmother's- but that might mean that more clothes get bought.

RaeSkywalker Mon 02-May-16 18:10:25

That should be "the other option"

Tfoot75 Mon 02-May-16 18:10:59

I think you're probably on borrowed time being particular about what she wears in any case, as my nearly 3yo chooses what she wears every day and would never put something on if she didn't like it! I don't intervene apart from making sure it's weather appropriate and the odd suggestion! Either dress her in the clothes, or don't, or let her choose what she wants to wear herself, as is inevitable! I'm sure before you know it she won't tolerate either you or mil choosing her clothes wink

Headofthehive55 Mon 02-May-16 18:13:16

I think you have to offer different choices to your DD. She can choose then!

SmallBee Mon 02-May-16 18:15:59

At 2.5 I let DD choose her own clothes most days. I didn't want her in super pink sparkling things either but annoyingly this is genuinely what she wants to wear at the moment. But the important thing with this is I'm giving DD the choice and not forcing pink on her just because she's a girl.
Can you do something similar and see what your DD chooses? If she doesn't like the pink stuff then your MIL will have to accept that and make the choice as to whether or not she keeps on buying it all.
If your DD does choose pink then at least she is happy.

MTPurse Mon 02-May-16 18:19:01

Are You a 'Crunchy' Parent?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 02-May-16 18:24:58

Meh. If this is the only thing she does I wouldn't sweat it.

You do realise that by being particular about what your DD wears and moaning about the pink frills, you are choosing the thing she will use for rebellion? If pink girly clothes wind you up so easily, expect Made in Essex teenage years.

mygrandchildrenrock Mon 02-May-16 18:25:40

MTPurse grin

Didiusfalco Mon 02-May-16 18:27:45

Is there more background with mil, because by itself this doesn't sound that bad? I get what you mean about the pink, i feel the same about my dd but im sure if its mixed in with other things you buy her it will be fine. If clothes are pink and a bargain in the sale i would still get them. It seems to be reaching a bit to find an insult in your child being bought some clothes. Try not to sweat the small stuff.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now