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AIBU?

AIBU to be really cross and a bit worried!

48 replies

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 14:35

My 11 year old son has just started walking home from school on his own (I still collect his 8 year old sister). I've now started leaving him home alone now and again while I pop to the shop. I never leave my 8 year old with him because I would feel bad.

Agreed to look after my friends 9 and 6 year old girls. Had to pop out to the shop so let my 11 year old stay at home to tell them I would be back in a few minute when their grandparents dropped them off. Came back to discover that grandparents had just let these girls with my 11 year old. Worse still, a lady I have sold a garden slide came to collect it and my son and these girls answered the door telling her "mummy isn't home". Thankfully she was still waiting when I got back, so she took the slide and off she said. Didn't say anything.

AIBU to feel really upset about this and a bit worried? What of this stranger phones Social Services on me for what she saw: An 11 year old, 9 and 6 year old home alone? She saw it was a quick shopping trip and I had a child with me. But I don't know what the law is and what she would think. I so cross and actually a bit worried! Not least when I've never left my 11 year old in charge of my daughter. I take her with me!

OP posts:

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JustABigBearAlan · 01/05/2016 14:38

Don't panic. You weren't gone long, and years ago this was totally normal. I really doubt anyone would report you.

CaptainCrunch · 01/05/2016 14:41

You're being melodramatic. There's no actual law against leaving children home alone. Social services would have zero interest in the very unlikely event anyone reported you.

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 14:49

Im just so cross because that decision was taken out of my hands when the grandparents dropped those girls off with my son. There is no way I would of consented to him looking after them. They aren't his responsibility and I don't even leave MY child with him. I feel like I've been made to look like a neglectful parent because they were too lazy to sat there and wait for 5 minutes!

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UpWithPup · 01/05/2016 14:53

But no one told the grandparents you weren't happy. Your message was you'd be back in a few minutes. That could easily be interpreted as it's fine to leave them because you'll be back soon.

Doinmummy · 01/05/2016 14:54

If I knew the girls were being dropped off I wouldn't have gone out, but no harm has been done. This wouldn't even register on SS radar.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2016 14:56

Hold on a minute.

If you were expecting the grandparents to drop the kids off, you should have either put off the trip to the shop until they arrived, or rang your friend to tell her what was happening.

It's not the grandparents fault that you decided to go out when you were expecting children to be dropped off.

I would be annoyed at myself for not waiting/phoning friend and annoyed at my child for opening the door to a stranger, but not annoyed at the grandparents who probably felt awkward and didn't know what to do for the best.

Having said that, I agree that you're being a bit melodramatic and no-one's going to report you to SS.

Just don't worry about it.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/05/2016 14:57

So they came to drop them off and you were already out? Sorry but confused by op.

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 15:00

Surely when the kids are 6 and 9, you would check. Hopefully this women will have just thought nothing of it, older kids mum quickly popped to the shop, but I'm cross that I've been put in that position.

Be honest, if you were her, what would you have thought?

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GraysAnalogy · 01/05/2016 15:00

I'm not sure why you didn't just wait to go to the shop

ThisWasCrownjewel · 01/05/2016 15:02

As they were grandparents (perhaps in their 50s or older), chances are they would consider it entirely normal for a 11-yr old to watch a 9- and a 6-yr old for ten minutes, as it was so common up until a few years ago - from the age of about 10, I used to be at home in charge of my 8-yr old DB every day in the school holidays while my mum was at work, albeit a 10-minute walk from home, and we knew to knock on a neighbour's door if there was ever an emergency.

CaptainCrunch · 01/05/2016 15:02

I would think you'd just nipped out. Why are you so determined to make a big deal of this?

Doinmummy · 01/05/2016 15:03

Did you know what time the girls were being dropped off? If so it's your fault for going out.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/05/2016 15:03

If they had places to be, what were they meant to do? They prob thought "well if they think he's OK to be in charge of the house on his own, 5 mins with these two might be ok"

ThisWasCrownjewel · 01/05/2016 15:05

I should add that I'm in my early 30s so I'm talking about 20yrs ago, my mum is now a grandparent and would think nothing of leaving older kids at home while she popped out, or toddlers in the car while she quickly ran into the shop for a loaf.

Doinmummy · 01/05/2016 15:06

I'm not sure why you're in such a lather about it

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 15:07

They just gave me a rough time and I told my friend I had to pop out and that my son would tell them I'd be back. I assumed they would hang on. Wrong to assume I suppose. As for the slide lady, she didn't text me so I had no idea she would turn up on the rare occasion I'm not there. I'm pregnant and didn't want to drag three girls to get heavy shopping on foot. :(. Glad thr consensus is that I'm worrying over nothing though.

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Skittlesss · 01/05/2016 15:09

I find it really weird that you arranged for the children to be dropped off and for the lady to pick the slide up, then went to the shop during those times!

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 15:10

I just don't know what the law is with kids being left and I'm paranoid about it. Actually hearing so many of you telling me I'm getting in a fuss over nothing has really calmed down. Thank you mumsnetters!

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Skittlesss · 01/05/2016 15:10

Sorry cross post, makes sense now!! Don't worry about it. You're really over thinking it!

BertrandRussell · 01/05/2016 15:10

I would have sent the 11 year old to the shop and waited in for the other to to be dropped off at your house. Simple.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2016 15:11

Be honest, if you were her, what would you have thought?

I would have thought you'd left you kids home alone while you went to the shop.

I would have thought your kids shouldn't be answering the door to strangers.

I would have thought they'd forgotten to never tell anyone that Mum is out, and to pretend she's in the bath or something instead.

But I wouldn't ever have thought about phoning SS

MiddleClassProblem · 01/05/2016 15:11

You were out long enough for two lots of people to come and go not over lapping...

Was it a real emergency must get urgent shop?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 01/05/2016 15:12

I would have thought you'd popped out, and thought nothing more of it to be totally honest. You are being quite hysterical.

Hippocraticloaf · 01/05/2016 15:12

Were you expecting your eleven year old son to pass on the message that you will be back soon and would they (the grandparents) wait for you to get back home as you (his mother) didn't want him to be responsible for two girls aged 6 and 9? seems a bit unreasonable to leave him in charge of all of that plus the possibility of having to deal with a stranger collecting a garden slide in your absence...
Strange timing on your part I think

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 15:13

I didn't arrange for the slide lady to come then. She was meant to phone when she was in the area. The time was rough and I let my friend know I had to pop put before they came. I'm pregnant with a knackered back and can't take a load of kids and shopping on foot. Ran out of water and am only drinking bottled while pregnant as tap makes me vom at the taste.

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