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AIBU?

...to expect a week's holiday to be just that?

19 replies

OopsThereItIs · 01/05/2016 00:13

Just coming to the end of a week's annual leave.

Have had a really stressful few months - elderly parents needing a lot of support re health issues/medical appointments, DH and I have had a rough patch and that's had a knock on effect on DD. Job role has changed so work load increased by about a third and needing to learn lots of new procedures/systems on the job. Am currently seeing a counsellor for anxiety & panic attacks and on anti-depressants.

I told DH when I booked this holiday a few weeks ago that I really needed a break and whilst I might do some jobs aound the house if I got the urge, don't expect me to spend the time spring cleaning and doing DIY, which he seemed to understand, but since Wednesday he's basically been in a strop because I 'haven't been doing anything'.

I've had a couple of days pottering at home and caught up with a few (3) friends for lunches/coffee.

I've also done the food shopping, all the packed lunches, school runs, pet care, cooked every dinner and cleared up afterwards, cleaned the bathroom & loos and the kitchen, kept up with the laundry (he's done a bit of that too), done internet banking and other paperwork (and a couple of hours freelance work) and sorted out some issues we were having with various printers/laptop.

The house needs decluttering admittedly, but if I'd started I would have spent the whole week doing it and I just needed a break (to the extent I was physically I'll with stress the week before my leave).

I've had 3 days of sulking and snarky comments now and its obvious DH resents me having had this time off.

AIB so UR to have just kept on top of things and taken some time for myself?

OP posts:

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gleam · 01/05/2016 00:45

YANBU. 💐

TendonQueen · 01/05/2016 00:54

YANBU. Tell him again it was time off.

VenusRising · 01/05/2016 00:58

Oops id be thinking of a longer holiday from your DH than a week.

Talk as long as you like suiting yourself, looks like he doesn't suit you at all.

I hope you are feeling much better and relaxed soon.
Looking after elderly relatives is so draining, because they don't grow up and leave home, if anything they need more and more as time goes on. On top of that you have a dd who needs your care, and a dismissive and sulky man child who's jealous and nasty.

Look after yourself, and I'm sorry your DH isn't there for you.

Can you get signed off work for another week? Sounds like you need a good break. Leave your DH to declutter and look after your dd.

Hippocraticloaf · 01/05/2016 01:04

Jeezaloo. Yanbu. Tell everyone you're having a week's holiday and tough shit boo sucks to anyone who objects.

bloodyteenagers · 01/05/2016 01:12

Well if the house needs
Decluttering and diy needed, then clearly when he takes al he does nothing. At a guess I would say on his al he doesn't cook, do washing, schools run etc.

OopsThereItIs · 01/05/2016 08:21

He is very hot on laundry and does do other housework and school runs tbf.

I'm not the tidiest person in the world, I have clutter inducing hobbies (although don't have time for them at the moment so that stuff isn't out), and DD seems to take after me.

However, we have busy lives and I do my best, it just never seems to be enough. Surely everyone needs to be cut some slack sometimes ?

OP posts:

missymayhemsmum · 01/05/2016 19:45

Has your DH been off too? Is he disappointed because your week off hasn't included any romantic time for the pair of you? Or just because he was expecting to come home to an immaculate home. Either way, no, YANBU. You booked a rest, you needed a rest, you have a rest.

Lilaclily · 01/05/2016 19:47

Is he able to use a weeks leave just for him though or does he have to save leave for childcare etc?

Griphook · 01/05/2016 20:10

I'm not the tidiest person in the world, I have clutter inducing hobbies you do need to tidy up after yourself, it's hard to live with other people clutter. I bet it's worse than you realise

BillSykesDog · 01/05/2016 20:18

I have to say I have a bit of sympathy with your DH. I suspect that if a woman had posted on here that her husband had a week off work and had spent several days relaxing but that there was a lot which needed doing in the house, much due to his untidiness; well, I think the responses would be very, very different.

If you're not helping with these jobs now, when do you intend to help with them? Perhaps if you could give him a plan of action for sorting it out at another time he might feel happier about you spending the rest of your holiday relaxing?

redskytonight · 01/05/2016 20:46

When do you/DH normally take A/L? Only in this household it's always in school holidays. so a week off in term time (so no children underfoot) sounds pretty indulgent tbh. although it sounds like a long list, I bet everything on your list is what you normally fit round your job? So I can see from DH's point of view that whilst you've kept up with normal stuff and he didn't expect you not to have any break - he actually did expect you to do "something" - especially if by your own account a lot of the clutter is your own. Sounds like still had agood break?

redskytonight · 01/05/2016 20:48

Lost half my last sentence ... should have read "you could have done an hour of decluttering a day, made a real impact and still had a good break".

OopsThereItIs · 01/05/2016 23:05

We both work term time only so have 13 weeks a year off together and he gets a further 4 weeks at home when I'm working as he works in the private sector.

I also work a day a week during the holidays which enables me to take a certain amount of term time leave - this is the first I've taken in 7 months.

I do appreciate that for a tidy person (and I have to say he was no tidier than me in the early years of our relationship) clutter must be a pita, but as I said I haven't had time for any of my clutter inducing hobbies this year! There are some colouring/sketch books and notepads and a few tubs of pens at one end of the living room, most of my 'crap' as he calls it is in the relevant cupboards, stashed in the loft or boxed up in the study (which he doesn't use, other than for storing his sports gear).

I absolutely agree that regularly taking time off purely for indulgent purposes would be taking the piss, but under the current circumstances I think he could have been more understanding, particularly as I spent a week of the last holidays decorating DD's bedroom with very little input from him at all, so its really not the case that he spends his spare time doing domestic stuff while I sit on my arse eating toffees!

OP posts:

80schild · 01/05/2016 23:15

Next time you want a break maybe book yourself into a spa for a couple of days. It will help him appreciate you more.

VenusRising · 04/05/2016 17:47

Can you get signed off work?
Looking after elderly relatives, working ft in a new job, and having a child to look after as well as having anxiety and panic attacks and being on anti depressants sound like a long slog.

""Have had a really stressful few months - elderly parents needing a lot of support re health issues/medical appointments, DH and I have had a rough patch and that's had a knock on effect on DD. Job role has changed so work load increased by about a third and needing to learn lots of new procedures/systems on the job. Am currently seeing a counsellor for anxiety & panic attacks and on anti-depressants.""

To the pp poster who thought the op should have done more, and has messy crafting hobbies, read the OP's post. She's overwhelmed and needs a break- so, why don't we give her one? Or is that too rad?

Hope you're feeling better soon OP - you are where a lot of us are heading- being carers to two generations. Last thing you need is a bitching teammate.

YonicTrowel · 04/05/2016 18:10

YANBU OP.

expatinscotland · 04/05/2016 18:12

'Next time you want a break maybe book yourself into a spa for a couple of days.'

Spas are expensive, and a lot of people really don't like them. It's hardly a good solution to having a frank discussion with your spouse.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 04/05/2016 18:12

YANBU. I take annual leave for a holiday not to pick up all the shitty jobs that don't get done normally.

That compounded with the other issues, YA def NBU. Your husband is. He can do the DIY if he's so bothered.

YonicTrowel · 04/05/2016 18:23

DH and I both take time off for ourselves. I often go out for a day trip (even if just to a cafe etc) as off not I would end up only doing chores. You deserve a break.

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