To expect to be able to attend my partners graduation

(34 Posts)
LouBlue1507 Sat 30-Apr-16 15:17:31

Hi Ladies, Just look for some opinions...

My partner and I have been together for nearly 3 years and in November he will be graduating after doing his teacher training and PGCE. It has been a difficult year for us and I'm going to be so proud of him! I really want to be there and see him receive his 'masters'.

The problem I'm facing is that OH has said only two people are allowed in the actual ceremony on the day, which put us in a dilemma as there is me, his mum and his dad (separated and remarried).

AIBU to be one of those attending the ceremony to watch my partner graduate? His parents were able to see him graduate for his degree already. I do feel a bit of entitlement as I'm the one whose supported him through this year.

I gave up my home and business to move where we are now so that my partner can get onto the course he's on, after me encouraging him to go for teaching in the first place. I've also spent hours helping him with his work and preparing resources for his teaching.

I really want to see my OH graduate, I can't wait for it! I just feel bad that if I go he'll have to choose between his mum and dad (he'll pick his mum). But I do feel like I should be there (tbf oh agrees) we just don't want to upset anyone.

We're expecting out first baby in July and feel like that I am just as much closer part of his family now as his mum and dad.

Thanks

Couchpotato3 Sat 30-Apr-16 15:20:01

Definitely agree that you should be there, because you have supported him through this degree etc. and his parents have seen him graduate once already. Is there anyone else who could take the other place apart from his parents e.g. a sibling or best friend? Alternatively he doesn't have to use the second ticket......

Wheelerdeeler Sat 30-Apr-16 15:20:02

Surely his parents will expect that you will be attending?

MyMurphy Sat 30-Apr-16 15:33:28

Yes, you should be there, his parents attended his first degree (which they will surely view as the significant one) Your partner may be able to ask for an extra ticket though if they are made available x

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Apr-16 15:36:52

A PGCE isn't a Masters but yes, you should go.

Elllicam Sat 30-Apr-16 15:38:44

You can generally apply for extra tickets.

queenoftheworld93 Sat 30-Apr-16 15:40:36

I know what a PGCE entails and the effect it has on a partner. Therefore YADNBU! You should be there.

BlueRaptor Sat 30-Apr-16 15:42:29

I have literally just posted a thread on this too! It's really difficult to choose I think sad I think partners are always the obvious choice but it makes it so difficult for parents! Do universities not see this problem, surely allocating 3 would make more sense?

lazarusb Sat 30-Apr-16 15:45:29

I graduated in 2014 (first time) and could only invite 2 people. (A huge amount of students in my subject area). My parents are long divorced and I have 3 children so I took my dh and my brother. Saved having to choose between parents or children! Everyone else met in the Cathedral grounds afterwards and we had a big family lunch together.

Inertia Sat 30-Apr-16 15:48:27

You can usually apply for a third ticket- and yes, you should definitely go.

expatinscotland Sat 30-Apr-16 15:50:40

Apply for extra tickets.

DoctorDoctor Sat 30-Apr-16 15:50:59

You should certainly go, but there are other options too. First, request an extra ticket - most places let you ask, though there's no guarantee of success. Second, many universities now also stream the graduation ceremonies live in one or more large lecture halls so that other family members can watch from there (it can even mean a better view depending on what seats those attending get) and then it's easy for everyone to meet at the end and go for drinks or a meal together. I'd pursue those options.

oneowlgirl Sat 30-Apr-16 15:54:51

YANBU

Out2pasture Sat 30-Apr-16 15:55:26

Does your partner want his parents to attend and not you?
His parents may have supported him in many other ways over the decades and been a driving force to reach this milestone.
In the end it's his ceremony his choice.

booklooker Sat 30-Apr-16 15:57:40

rock, paper, scissors with his parents?

19lottie82 Sat 30-Apr-16 16:00:02

As already mentioned, you will usually get a third of you apply. Do that first before working yourself into a tizzy.

Headofthehive55 Sat 30-Apr-16 16:03:02

If his parents have already seen him once then perhaps it's your turn!
We did DH: first and second time his parents, third and fourth we were married so me and his mum.
Mine, first my parents, second didn't go as not offered! third him and offspring.

I think his parents would accept and expect you to go and baby too! Have a lovely day! You can always meet for lunch together.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity Sat 30-Apr-16 16:04:14

I agree with both applying for more tickets, and looking into any additional screening. The actual ceremony works out as a small part of the day, I have always preferred seeing my course mates and family during all the other stuff than the ceremony itself.

When you get to post grad or are a mature student it is hard and far less obvious who should get in, I know. I wish it was easier.

squiggleirl Sat 30-Apr-16 16:07:57

I would say apply for a 3rd ticket. You may or may not get one.

That said, it wouldn't bother me if I saw DH graduate. He and I met whilst doing our postgrads. We got married a few months before graduation. We both agreed that if it came down to us only having 2 tickets for each ceremony, it would be parents who would go, and the other would wait outside.

I really wouldn't get into a who is closer/more important discussion on this. The ceremony will be videoed, streamed to another area, etc, so you will get to see it, and at the distance you'll be from him even if you are in the conferring hall, it won't be a huge distance to see it from another area.

Wizzles Sat 30-Apr-16 16:12:16

I supported my DH through a 4 year full-time degree and it was the hardest 4 years of our lives . At graduation, we both agreed that I was having one of the seats and his mum, dad & sister could fight it out between them for the other one. As it happened he applied for extra seats & got them so we all went.

You are the one who has been there for him every day while he's been doing this, so you have more right than anyone else to see him graduate. Especially as you're having a baby, you are his family now.

Worse case scenario, if you can't get extra seats, whichever parent doesn't come with you can always come along and do all the fun/posing for photos/celebrating before & after, & just miss the actual handing over the piece of paper. At DH's graduation my whole family came too & did this. His university did a live streaming in another venue so they watched there. That might be a possibility for you too.

Floggingmolly Sat 30-Apr-16 16:19:09

Who has he actually chosen? Has he given you any reason to suspect he may not choose you?

Laura812 Sat 30-Apr-16 16:23:15

You can usually get more tickets. At university with my older 3 Iwanted to bring the 4 other chidlren and me - so 5 tickets. We could either order more in advance or turn up on the day and collect some extras as they said there were normally lots of free seats on the day. Even if that did not work I had a backup plan that 3 of them would wait outside and then we'd all meet up and go to lunch after to celebrate.

LouBlue1507 Sat 30-Apr-16 16:25:13

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for your opinions!

OH does want me there, we just don't want to hurt anyone. I just needed reassurance that I wasn't being unreasonable by expecting to be there! I feel better now! We will apply for extra tickets and if we don't get any they can just fight it out grin

MyMurphy Sat 30-Apr-16 16:29:34

You may even find that his parents aren't bothered about going! (It can be a bit boring, sorry grin)

BackforGood Sat 30-Apr-16 16:30:30

You can very often get extra tickets, as others have said, but, in truth, graduation ceremonies are very dull and boring, so, if his parents have already been to one, they probably won't be too upset to miss a second one wink.
You can still all meet up for photos and go for a meal afterwards so everyone is included, surely?

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