My DD4 has just outed me - What have your DC said or done that made you want a black hole to swallow you up?

(299 Posts)
SweetAngels Fri 29-Apr-16 17:17:10

Was shopping with my DD4 this morning, decided to stop by a cafe for lunch and drop her straight to nursery after - ordered food and drinks. I asked for a cappuccino with soya milk as I have a dairy intolerance.

I am convinced that the lady used normal milk as within 30min I needed the loo badly (sorry tmi I know) 😳😳😳 so had to stop by the house to use the bathroom. This kind of scenario has happened a few times before when eating out and it gets my goat in a big way

We were 30min late for nursery and as we walked in one of the ladies asked DD if she was OK as she was in late, to which DD casually replied we're only ever late when mummy has to go home for a poo 😱😱😱😳😳😳

I was absolutely mortified - I wanted the ground to swallow me up and I did the decent thing and asked a friend to pick her up this afternoon so I don't have to face them!

So in light of this thought I would ask how any of your little darlings have outed you and how you dealt with it?

SweetAngels Fri 29-Apr-16 17:18:05

Title meant to say DC not DD - oops, not my day

[We've edited that for you now, OP! smile MNHQ]

neolara Fri 29-Apr-16 17:20:30

My dd informed my friends that "mummy combed my hair once and I didn't have nits".

HappyGoLuckyGirl Fri 29-Apr-16 17:21:02

LOL.

Mine is too little to be outing me yet but I did read or hear of a Mumsnetter being outed by her child to a police officer for not wearing her seatbelt. grin

something like:

Police officer: you weren't wearing your seatbelt
Mumsnetter: oh I defintely was, I always put it on
Child: no you don't mummy, you only put it on when we stopped the car

HAHAHA

WorraLiberty Fri 29-Apr-16 17:28:00

We were at parent's evening once, waiting in a packed corridor.

I admired some work on the wall and my DS (4 at the time) said, "Oh yes Mummy, David drew that".

I said, "David"?

He said yes, "You know David. He's the boy whose Mum you don't like".

I turned around to see David's Mum standing right behind me, with a quizzical look on her face! shock

I wouldn't bloody mind but I'd never even spoken to her and have no idea to this day, why he thought I didn't like her confused hmm

SweetAngels Fri 29-Apr-16 17:28:01

Love it - friend just said her DD told the nursery teacher that she saw daddy bouncing on mummy this morning grin

NoCapes Fri 29-Apr-16 17:32:15

DS to my mum - "Nannie, Mummy said I was being a shit before but told me not to tell you grin"

hmm subtle as ever DS

chunkymum1 Fri 29-Apr-16 17:36:01

DH is constantly asking me where things are that a) belong to him, so are his responsibility and b) he could easily open his eyes and look for as they are rarely hidden. This irritates me and I have been known to reply 'up your arse'. Never in front of the DC though- or so I thought.

Went to a supermarket the other day and they had changed the layout around slightly. DC and I were in a chatting away and I said something along the lines of 'Oh, where are the carrots now' DC replied (loudly and clearly) 'Up your arse I think mum'.

The young lads topping up the veg shelves turned away from me but I could see their shoulders shaking. I have not dared to go back to that shop yet. And am now incredibly careful what I say when DC are in the house (even if not in the same room/asleep as I genuinely have no idea how I was overheard).

dilemmaforme Fri 29-Apr-16 17:36:13

My ds answered the door to the window cleaner once and said he'd about mummy but she was just having her afternoon Poo!
He's like a Diet Coke man too blush

CoodleMoodle Fri 29-Apr-16 17:37:24

My DD (2) was/is in that stage where they describe everyone literally. DH was 'big Daddy' for awhile because he's quite tall and... well, yes, he has a bit of a tummy. But it's mostly because he's bigger than she is.

We were leaving a charity shop one day and as I opened the door, she turned and shouted to the man at the counter: "BYE BYE BIG MAN!!!!!!" blush He wasn't that big, just bigger than her!

CombineBananaFister Fri 29-Apr-16 17:38:05

Ds does it all the time, I should learn to keep my mouth shut.

He outed me to another mum in front of the teacher. Her Ds had gone home with my Ds bookbag and water btl on a Monday but hadn't noticed for 5 days in which time I'd had to buy new because we'd looked high and low and thought it was lost. She txted Friday to say her Ds had it and would bring it in Monday. I think I'd said something like her being a bloody idiot and how did she not notice when it was labelled in massive letters.

Monday morning teacher/other mum calls me over to say she's brought it in and Ds tells teacher I'd called the other mum an idiot for not noticing sooner. Teacher, all flustered said am sure thats not what your mummy said, but Ds grasses me up even more by saying I definately did 'cos she said she cant read either' in my same sarcastic tone. Awesome blush

He told my inlaws we didn't meet them for lunch because they drink too much mucky beer and argue and it was a restaurant mummy would like to go back to. I luffs my Ds.

pieceofpurplesky Fri 29-Apr-16 17:41:08

My dad has a bald head and niece used to tap him on top and call it a boiled egg (?). He would laugh and joke and they would pretend to crack it.
The poor bloke she did it to walking out of a shop was mortified ... But not as much as her mum!!

TheUnsullied Fri 29-Apr-16 17:41:24

DD is already quite gobby at just turned 2 so I dread to think how many things like this I'll have to endure. Right now though, I'm just laughing at you lot grin

snorepatrol Fri 29-Apr-16 17:44:05

I was getting changed in a changing room with both dc.

My ds did the biggest fart ever and dd (2) gasped then said 'oooooo' in a really shocked high pitched voice and said 'mummy you pood'

I could hear people chuckling behind their curtains and said 'no dd your brother has trumped because he's a baby' to which she said
'No my (db's name) is a good baby, YOU did a stinky poopoo mummy'

I was so embarrassed!

I also remember me and my dsis we little came out of school one day I was 6 she would have been 5.

My mum had just had a perm done, that day while we were at school, my dsis screamed at her from the school doorway 'what have you done to your hair ugly? You look like a nasty witch' shock

She was normally a really well behaved polite child and actually turned out to be a nice adult! But I don't know where that came from! Everyone in the playground just watched open mouthed while my mum tried to brazen it out grin while my sister stood with her teacher and cried because my mum looked so 'ugly'

My poor mum she dried it straight everyday until the perm grew out it was back in the day before GHD's!

RickOShay Fri 29-Apr-16 17:44:11

My sister told my granny that my mum had said that she had the meanest mouth she'd ever seen grin - granny was mum's mil.

EponasWildDaughter Fri 29-Apr-16 17:46:44

At the door to collect a parcel, preg with DD2, DD1 (about 3 at the time) joins me at the door and coyly tells postie that mummy has a baby growing.

''That's nice'', says postie.

''Yes'', says DD1, ''UP THERE!'' and flings my skirt up, giving the poor bloke an eye full of my drawers shockblush

MooseBeTimeForSnow Fri 29-Apr-16 17:46:55

DS regularly likes to report back to DH what I've been eating.

He also once said out loud "mummy, why has that man got funny hair?" I explained that he had an Afro and it looked cool. I was mortified but they exchanged high fives and all was good.

Slutbucket Fri 29-Apr-16 17:47:15

My brother and SIL did warn us not to say things in front of the kids. My nephew went up to the mum of his friend and said..... "My mum doesn't know where you get your money from." Ouch...

Comingfoccacia Fri 29-Apr-16 17:50:39

Picking up prescription in a large supermarket for urine infection when ds (then about 4) piped up loudly "is that for your bum mummy?"

BolshierAryaStark Fri 29-Apr-16 17:53:33

DD told DH to open the car window to let his trump out, just like mummy does.

thumb3lina Fri 29-Apr-16 17:54:22

When I was 3, according to my mum who is still mortified I told the HV that my mum gave me red wine every night to help me sleep.

baggyleggings Fri 29-Apr-16 17:56:22

DD (2.5) said to her friend at swimming yesterday, 'Look, my mummy's got uppy boobies and your granny's got downy boobies.' blush

So embarrassing but I could have come out of it far worse - there are some bloody perky looking mummies in that swimming class!

MrsGuyOfGisbo Fri 29-Apr-16 17:56:56

Love these! We have had so many.
Some in primary school diary, several, eg
'We went to X barbecue and stayed all night [till about 7pm]. Mum drank a lot of wine and fell off (elder brother's) scooter on the way home [uneven pavement!]
A few week later at School Xmas Fair - piping voice, right next to Head Teacher 'Mum, shall we meet you by the Mulled Wine stall so you can have another one?'

Melfish Fri 29-Apr-16 17:58:53

DD had the hump about something, think she was about 3 at the time. We were walking past some shops and there were a couple of builders in a doorway. One saw DD and said 'Hello!'. DD fixed him with a beady eye, and sounding like she was about 70, squawked 'Go away!'. Builder's friend collapsed in hysterics, I was mortified!
I used to dread the running commentary, usually on a quiet bus, at Brian Blessed volume: 'Why is that man/lady doing/wearing x y z etc.'

Ratbagcatbag Fri 29-Apr-16 18:00:07

Oh god. In the toilets. On the loo having a wee. Dd queries "mummy are you doing a poo". No dd I'm
Not. "Mummy are you sure, you normally do huuuuugggggeee smelly poos".
Cue much sniggering from other cubicles. I just brazen it out.

Another one. We thought dd was saying "fuckin" so we kept trying to convince her she meant "freakin" from blaze and the monster machines. Out in public she declared loudly. Like top volume. No mummy not freakin, FUCKIN!!! She's 3 blush

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