To think exes plans are mad?

(9 Posts)
Fanfeck Fri 29-Apr-16 11:28:40

Ex left 9 months ago, completely out of the blue leaving me and DD (4) in an awful state.
Luckily we're absolutely fine now though lately her behaviour has been uncharacteristically bad.

(I found out a few weeks ago that he left for the woman in work that never stopped texting him, making little digs and nasty comments about me, tried to get him to go to a festival instead of DDs birthday last year when we were still a family)

We were on the phone the other morning discussing DD and her behaviour, all very civil and we managed to have a bit of a laugh about it but I was aware he was in his girlfriends so kept it short etc.

Then two hours later he texts to say he wants to introduce the two, I said that I didn't think it was great timing because of her recent behaviour and that he should start by telling her he has a girlfriend in the first place and getting her used to the idea, so he did that immediately then within an hour of the first message he tells me his plans are for the three of them to go away "possibly abroad" next month for the girlfriends birthday.
DD hasn't even agreed to meeting her yet, she's still so raw and so young I just think this idea is barmy!

Obviously my opinion is skewed, I'm okay with them meeting but he has never taken DD anywhere and I think something purely for the girlfriends birthday could be horrible for DD, she is really shy too and it takes her a while to warm to new people.

I don't want to run the risk of being a control freak or a dictator but AIBU to think this is just too much too soon?

BeautyQueenFromMars Fri 29-Apr-16 11:36:23

I agree with you and think you should point it out to him, emphasising that it wouldn't be good for your daughter.
But he is her dad, and has as much right to make decisions as you do, so if he decides to go ahead and do it anyway, you'll unfortunately just have to suck it up, as awful as that will be sad.
However, I'm not sure the girlfriend would be thrilled with the idea of taking a 4 year old away with them on her birthday, so it might come to nothing.

AriaTloak Fri 29-Apr-16 11:36:41

YANBU.
You'll no doubt get told he's her daughter too & what he does with her is none of your business.

Fuck that, I'll get flamed and I don't even care, there is no way I'd let an ex take our daughter away abroad with the woman he left me for, much less when she's going through a rough behavioural patch and it's for the girlfriends birthday.
She hasn't even met this woman and he wants to whisk them all away?

Nope, no way!

70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 29-Apr-16 12:38:36

Whoa he's running before he can walk shock

This is the woman who wanted your Ex to miss his child's birthday to go to a Festival.
Has the Birthdat Trip idea come from her or him?
She would realise that it's way too soon to make holiday plans with a child she hasn't even met ?

He left, he doesn't get to call the shots.
They'd need to have days out, time together and would they do a weekend in the UK rather than abroad?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 29-Apr-16 12:41:42

Way too soon.

HermioneJeanGranger Fri 29-Apr-16 12:41:48

Unfortunately, in legal terms he can do what he wants on his own time. BUT he does need your written permission to take her abroad, so if you want, you can stop that - although there is nothing stopping him taking her away for a break in the UK.

All you can do is tell him how it'll affect DD and let him make his own decisions. Unless he or the new girlfriend are a danger to DD, it's extremely unlikely that a judge will agree to limit contact on the basis that she'll be around.

Katiepoes Fri 29-Apr-16 12:59:11

I don't agree he has the right to make decisions the same as the OP. He chose to leave, chose to mess up a four year old's life and now expects her to just go off on holiday with a stranger? Not this time mate, he needs reminding that she is four. I don't mean he has no rights, but he has to understand his actions and choices have hurt people and he needs to deal with the consequences.

The girlfriend sounds charming - tried to make him skip her birthday? No, I would not agree to this at all. Meeting yes, but very short and with plenty of discussion.

Pootles2010 Fri 29-Apr-16 13:27:17

I agree with you entirely. If I were you, I'd try to gently suggest that you'd hate for DD's behaviour to get worse on the trip, thus souring his tart girlfriend's lovely birthday treat.

Birdsgottafly Fri 29-Apr-16 13:43:57

If you feel that the other parent is going to make a decision that will in some way harm, your child, you can put a block on it.

It's all too much, too soon and if done wrongly, it could cause your DD to never be ok with either of you having future partners.

You should point out that It might make her hate his current partner, through displaced anger and hurt, at your split.

He does need to tell her about his GF, but meeting and being around her, shouldn't be at a time, such as a Birthday, were, naturally the focus will be on her.

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