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AIBU?

To tell him to stick his offer

67 replies

Iwantmymaidennameback · 28/04/2016 22:55

In the middle of a getting very nasty divorce and would really like to know if IABU.
Married 16 years with 3 DCs. Always been a SAHM with DH quite happy with this as it meant no childcare costs and he never had to worry about having someone to look after DCs whilst he buggered off every week to play his sports.
When DCs started school he agreed to me looking for work, but only on condition that it wasn't weekends, evenings, or school holidays as he wasn't prepared to either step up and do some childcare himself or help pay towards cost of outside childcare.
Anyway, I decided to end the marriage, got divorce started, tried to live in family home during the process, but just couldn't stick it any longer, so moved out. Me and DCs now living in private rented house with 2 bedrooms, no garden and miles from DCs schools. DH meanwhile is still in 4 bed detached house with garden, local park, near schools, etc, and refuses to sell house.
My solicitor has contacted me today to inform me that DH refuses to sell "His" house as I have put no money into it, so it will have to go to court.
He has offered me £10,000.
Honestly, IABU to push for more or has he put me down so often over the past 16 years that I am starting to think he has a point and I put no money in so should get no money out of the divorce.
DCs have settled in quite well TBH but this place is nothing compared to their family home, where their father is now living as a single person.

OP posts:

Report

novemberchild · 28/04/2016 22:57

Ha! You've facilitated his career by raising his children. Tell him to do one.

LogicalThinking · 28/04/2016 23:00

Not a chance!
Go to court - his £10k offer is insulting

NoMudNoLotus · 28/04/2016 23:03

Without a shadow of a doubt court and I don't often say that.

Judge will laugh him out of that house.

Enkopkaffetak · 28/04/2016 23:03

Go to court Tell him to stop being so insulting and suggest something sensible.

KindDogsTail · 28/04/2016 23:04

I am not an expert but I have never heard of this before.

I thought if you were married you would at least get half the house and the children would get maintenance.

It may even be that you could stay in the house while the children are at school???

You have put in 16 years of work looking after the children, him and the house and leaving him free to build his business. 10,000 is rubbish.

Your solicitor does not seem to be telling you much. Perhaps you should get more advice from say the Citizen's advice just to be sure. Other posters might know more. But I am almost certain this is nonsense.

I do not think you are being unreasonable to tell him to stick it.

monkeysox · 28/04/2016 23:04

Court. He's a dick

Iwantmymaidennameback · 28/04/2016 23:04

Yes but won't all the money get swallowed up in court fees?

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 28/04/2016 23:04

Let the court decide (and watch him weep.)

Lovewineandchocs · 28/04/2016 23:05

That's ridiculous, everything goes into "the pot." Tell him where to stick his offer and go to court. BTW is he paying any maintenance?

Schmoochypoos · 28/04/2016 23:05

Definitely court, does he not understand that by raising the children and not working you were enabling him to work!

Watchingnetflix · 28/04/2016 23:05

I suggest you tot up how much 16 years worth of childcare would have cost him to see how ludicrous 10k is. Then tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Lovewineandchocs · 28/04/2016 23:06

Can you get Legal Aid?

RaeSkywalker · 28/04/2016 23:09

Take him to court. Selfish git can't even bring himself to do the right thing for his children.

This happened to one of my friends recently- her husband said she could have the car (worth approximately £5k) if she walked away from the house. Not a chance, my friend.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/04/2016 23:10

What a douche.

PamelaPatriciaYouCanCallMePam · 28/04/2016 23:11

Court. How the judge will laugh....!!

RaeSkywalker · 28/04/2016 23:11

How much equity is in the house OP? How much does he have in savings?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/04/2016 23:11

I'd only consider £10k if you were in negative equity with shit all assets. What does your solicitor say?

OwlinaTree · 28/04/2016 23:14

What a chance! You should get half of all the assets accrued during the marriage. I believe this includes his pension, but I'm not 100% about that. You need to get the house valued and he gives you the value of half. You could look at similar houses to get an idea of what that might be.

I'm sorry he's treating you like this.

TheWitTank · 28/04/2016 23:15

What a twat -that is very insulting. Ten grand for 16 years of marriage & childcare; he can get to fuck. I would seek legal advice and then get a letter sent outlining YOUR proposal. You will either call his bluff as he will seek his own advice and realise his chances in court of such an offer, or you will end up in court with a much better settlement.

Atenco · 28/04/2016 23:18

My knowledge, just from reading mumset, is that the house is a marital asset and therefore also belongs to you and you should be entitled to at least 50% when it is sold, though that might be more as you are the resident parent of his children.

HeddaGarbled · 28/04/2016 23:19

Have a read of this:

www.judiciary.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/fjc-financial-needs-april-16-final.pdf

IrregularCommentary · 28/04/2016 23:21

Married for 16yrs, 3 kids, gave up work to devote yourself to the family. You are entitled to and would be awarded half in court OP. Don't consider his insulting offer for a second.

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GiddyOnZackHunt · 28/04/2016 23:25

Yes the money will be swallowed up in court fees. That £10k will be gone quicker than he can blink. And by being awkward, he must risk getting costs awarded against him.
This is his opening gambit. I would go back with 75% of the equity in the house as your starting point. And let him continue to counter offer with the condition that you are willing to reach a reasonable agreement without applying for court costs against him but you will go down that route if he can't see this is to house his children.

Iwantmymaidennameback · 28/04/2016 23:25

He is paying CM. We agreed on £360 per for 3 DCs to be paid monthly, but he changed it to to £300 per month. when I challenged him on this he said it was quite adequate. TBH I was just glad to get anything out of him. The equity in the house is quite high. House is worth at least £200K and the mortgage left to pay is about £25K.

OP posts:

dimots · 28/04/2016 23:29

As the resident parent you may be entitled to more than 50% of the equity, especially if he has a decent pension or savings. It is also possible to waive any rights to spousal maintenance in exchange for a greater share of the assets.

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