marital problems

(10 Posts)
ducati996 Wed 27-Apr-16 22:42:43

my partner and I have 3 wonderful little boys we both worship and adore,lately we have not been getting on at all.we have no help with regards to babysitters and all our focus has been on the boys not eachother-we seem to pick fault and vent at each other a lot-recently my partner has questioned our marriage and suggested separation-I,m devastated I love my partner very much and have offered to go to relate-to compromise to try and change-whatever it takes -surely for our 3 little boys it has to be worth trying?

TheNaze73 Wed 27-Apr-16 22:46:14

It appears too late, if he's suggesting that. Is he up for counselling? Do you think, that he thinks what you have is salvageable? At the end of the day, you've got to do it for each other, not for the children's sake

ducati996 Wed 27-Apr-16 22:59:40

I think people these days are too quick to throw the towel in and separate-I believe in a marriage you have to work through bad spells and you come out stronger-my boys are my life-I cannot be a part time parent and I love my partner-surely we can work this out-please tell me that?

Costacoffeeplease Wed 27-Apr-16 23:05:54

You can only work it out if you both really, truly, want to.

ducati996 Wed 27-Apr-16 23:17:13

surely when you have 3 loving caring wonderful little boys you have to consider their happiness and think we owe it to them to try and work things out?

EatShitDerek Wed 27-Apr-16 23:21:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ducati996 Wed 27-Apr-16 23:21:33

I think he wants to salvage things -since we last talked he has arranged to have a vasectomy-which was something I always hoped for as fear of an unwanted pregnancy had put me off sex-he has also sent me messages on facebook playing our wdding music song-stand by me, he,s taken me out to dinner and bought me Galaxy chocolates so I,re he still loves me?

Costacoffeeplease Thu 28-Apr-16 06:08:00

Which is it? He's questioning your marriage and wants to separate - or he's playing wedding music and buying chocolates?

There was no mention of this in your op?

jellyjiggles Thu 28-Apr-16 06:22:11

OP I know just how how this happens! Last year I was in a very similar place.

Firstly he's trying. You both seem to want to make a go of it. You need to talk to each other. Openly honestly and not vilify one another.

Basically it sounds like you've lost your relationship to parenting. You need to start and date each other again but in a way you can. Cook each other nice meals in the house. Flirt with each other again. Set time aside to rediscover what it is you used to like about each other. Try to find the funny side of each other and try to increase your physical attention. I don't mean sex I mean holding hands, cuddling on the sofa etc. Also feeling good about you is a must. Get a hair cut and buy a new dress and lipstick. Whatever does it for you!

If you can get a babysitter then do it! Daytime lunch dates are a great idea for tired out parents. Much more doable than late nights. Are your kids in nursery etc. Maybe take a day off work to spend together. Go to something you used to enjoy doing. Cinema, art gallery, football match anything.

Most importantly communicate with each other. It's nobody's fault that this is happening. Don't blame each other but work hard at your marriage and you might save it.

curren Thu 28-Apr-16 06:25:21

This happens. And yes sometimes it's possible to work through it. Sometimes it's not.

Your posts suggest very different things. Maybe you just need to talk, first, find out what he wants.

Yes marriage has good times and bad times. But it depends how bad it's been and how long it's been bad for.

Personally, having grown up in a house where parents snapped and bickered (yes kids do know it happens they can feel the atmosphere even if they don't hear it) sometimes it's better for the kids if you do split. Staying together just for the kids isn't often the best option.

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