To realise I sort of stopped loving my parents when I grew up

(251 Posts)
lovebeingonthetrain Wed 27-Apr-16 18:57:46

Did this happen to anyone else? I adored them as a child so it's sad really.

Bejeena Wed 27-Apr-16 18:59:00

Do you have children of your own? How old are you?

TimeToMuskUp Wed 27-Apr-16 19:02:27

Nope, I'm adopted (when I was 10) and 24 years later love them both. My heart lights up when I have a chat with them on the phone. Spending time with them still feels like going home, even thought I have DCs of my own.

hownottofuckup Wed 27-Apr-16 19:03:22

That's really sad. Why??

lovebeingonthetrain Wed 27-Apr-16 19:05:13

Hard to explain, I loved them when I was a child but then came to realise a lot of their behaviour was odd.

missybct Wed 27-Apr-16 19:06:25

I had the reverse - I never fully appreciated my Mum until I became an adult. I loved her as a child, but I love and respect her as an adult and like Time above, being with her feels like home despite me having my own house and family.

My Dad is a different kettle of fish, but he was abusive.

I do find that sad, yes.

Onlyicanclean10 Wed 27-Apr-16 19:07:09

How old are you?

Clearly children are programmed to love their parents however crap until they get older and then teens/young adults can judge accordingly. If parents are kind, supportive and loving then you still love them as you get older.

You have kids and these then become your first loved. That's natural.

I love my parents now both in their 80s with altzimers and other health problems and they now need my care.

It's very hard as I feel worn out with supporting and caring for my own younger children, helping with caring for grandchildren, older children, holding down a job and time for dh.

I love my parents but honestly wouldn't be heartbroken when they die. Altzimers is a bastard.

molyholy Wed 27-Apr-16 19:07:40

Has something happened? Have they treated you in a way as to 'un-love' them? My dad died when I was 21, (nearly 20 yrs ago) I have siblings, and we all absolutely love our mum to bits. Enjoy spending time with her and have the upmost respect as an adult now after realising what she actually put in to bringing us up.

XiCi Wed 27-Apr-16 19:08:31

No, I couldn't love them more tbh and appreciate them more and more as I get older. Did you suffer abuse or neglect from them. Why do you think you feel this way?

NoahVale Wed 27-Apr-16 19:11:03

She infuriates me sometimes but I miss her when I am not in touch.

Bejeena Wed 27-Apr-16 19:11:25

You sound quite immature in your response and although I think you realise some of their behaviour was odd you probably don't understand why. I felt a bit like this in my early 20's but never to the extent I could say I didn't love my parents. However in my late 30s and with children of my own I understand their love for me more than ever and feel the same for them. Perhaps they didn't always get it right but they only ever wanted the best for me

Pixienott0005 Wed 27-Apr-16 19:18:25

This is a really vague post. You stopped loving your parents because of their behaviour being odd. Care to elaborate any further as it's hard really to comment and try and help you understand yourself why that might be with so little detail.

confused

lovebeingonthetrain Wed 27-Apr-16 19:19:01

Why do you think I sound immature? I am genuinely a bit confused by that smile

daisywhoopsie Wed 27-Apr-16 19:20:44

What do you mean by odd, OP?

Pteranodon Wed 27-Apr-16 19:20:49

I don't love mine. I would have said I did as a child. I do feel sorry for them, and I feel the strong genetic link we share and I care enough to make sure they are ok, I see them and facilitate their seeing my children (they're not that interested tbh). My parents had horrendous childhoods and worked hard so that ours would be better. I am grateful, they didn't neglect us, but they didn't know how not to be physically and emotionally abusive, and that killed the love I had. I only realised in my 30s; having my own children made me realise. I don't think you sound immature at all.

ParanoidGynodroid Wed 27-Apr-16 19:21:27

Gosh, I think we'd all be found to be 'a bit odd' when subject to close scrutiny. My 2 oldest DC are adults, and so this thread has saddened and worried me a bit. sad

DaughterDrowningInJunk Wed 27-Apr-16 19:21:51

The OP hasn't asked why, she has asked if it has happened to anyone else.

lovebeingonthetrain Wed 27-Apr-16 19:22:24

I know it's vague, it's difficult to explain because i give you examples then it sounds like that's the reason I stopped loving them, but it isn't, it was a gradual, very gradual, thing.

Mum was a screamer. She'd totally lose it and storm around screaming and shed 'pretend' to be me. When I was really little (3 or 4 I think) I went out in the rain in pink trousers and when I came in and they were muddy she stormed around the kitchen in circles screaming but using 'my' voice 'I'LL GO OUT IN THE RAIN, I'LL GO OUT IN THE RAIN, I'LL WEAR PINK TROUSES, I'LL WEAR PINK TROUSERS.'

I don't know, sometimes they made it kind of hard to love them.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 27-Apr-16 19:22:54

I loved mine when I was a child.

I loved them, and respected them, as an adult.

It's sad you feel like that. I hope my kids don't.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 27-Apr-16 19:24:07

She does sound odd then, tbh. Maybe she didnt find small children easy.

lovebeingonthetrain Wed 27-Apr-16 19:24:45

Do any of you who are giving me a hard time think I had normal non abusive parents who I just decided I couldn't be arsed loving one day?

I guess you do confused

lovebeingonthetrain Wed 27-Apr-16 19:25:01

She got a lot worse.

Pteranodon Wed 27-Apr-16 19:25:07

If you're kind to your children they will love you in adulthood. If you're abusive there's a high chance they'll find that difficult.

Pteranodon Wed 27-Apr-16 19:25:58

That sounds more than odd. It sounds unkind and frightening.

flippinada Wed 27-Apr-16 19:29:43

I can understand why you might come to the realisation you don't love your parents if they've treated you badly (I'm guessing lovebeing that there's a lot more to it than what you've said on here).

It's a bit of a taboo subject but some parents can be truly awful.

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