Am I a bitch? I don't want DD sleeping over with these people!

[thenappyslayer]

DD is 9 and has been invited to a sleepover at the home of parents who I'm not keen on. Their kids are really really lovely!!! The sweetest most quiet little things you will ever meet.

As for the parents....I certainly wouldn't want my child staying in their home over night.

These poor kids are always waiting outside the betting shop after school, their shirt collars are always filthy, both have rotten teeth, the mother smokes over the pram of her newborn and the father has a foul mouth. He's always shouting at his kids for no reason and seems to have a mobile phone pressed to his ear indefinitely.

I've told DD no and said it's because she has to go to her grandparents on Saturday and we just would not make it back in time. Her and this kid are fairly close. DD feels left out etc as all the other invited kids are going and yesterday when asked by the mum hosting if DD was coming, I gave the grandparents excuse.

I felt guilty fibbing but what was I supposed to say? She seemed to feel snubbed and was quite snappy but I didn't take it personally considering I just lied to her face. I do have some shame.

Im sure you're thinking "well if the other parents are okay with it surely you're just exaggerating what these people are like". That's the thing. The other parents aren't as bad but are pretty close. I actually feel quite alienated.

Yes I come from the "nice bit" of the area, yes this was not our first choice of primary school but I'm NOT a snob. I come from a working class background (grew up on a notorious council estate from HELL until 15 when it was demolished ) as do all of my dearest friends.

Anyway...

Again this morning the bloody sleepover came up with 3 other mums. I gave my excuse. One of the mums said "of course you cant come" and gave the others a look. Then another mum said "well her grandparents will be there next weekend". It caught me off guard and I just gave another shitty clumsy excuse. I'm sure it was obvious I was lying. The kids went in and as I excused myself I was given looks that could have killed pigeons in mid air. Don't those women have bloody lives? I found the premise of the exchange oddly nosey/bitchy for grown women. Well, they average at around 26 (with 9 year olds) but you catch my drift.

It was only literally a 1 minute exchange but it did bother me a little. I don't want to come across as an uppity bitch who looks down on the chavy mums at the local primary school but I just don't have anything in common with them at all.

Have any of you ever really liked a kid but have not been keen on the parent?

Even though the mum was being snappy she did look hurt. I feel shitty.

[Tatiana11235]

I wouldn't let my child stay. If these people don't care about their own children enough to make sure they're wearing clean clothes then god knows what they're going to be like with your child. Plus I bet the house is filthy if the uniforms are and it reeks of smoke.
Maybe you could suggest to your DD a sleepover at yours for a few friends?
Don't feel guilty.

[lordStrange]

I think you've been a killjoy actually. Right or not I bet the mums think you're looking down at them.

Would it have hurt dd to have a night away?

Why don't you invite her kids over?

[Afreshstartplease]

I wouldn't let her go either

Not because I think their house will be a tip that doesn't really matter does it but because the leaving kids outside a betting shop shows where their priorities lie

[Afreshstartplease]

Oh and judging the other mothers on their age is a bit shitty of you

[nilbyname]

I wouldn't! I only let my kids have sleep overs with fanilies whom I have a relationship with and who I am happy with. And until they are much much older that's how it will stay!

You could say, if pressed,
Oh we only do sleepovers with family, we would love to have xxx over for a play on xxx day?

[acasualobserver]

I don't want to come across as an uppity bitch who looks down on the chavy mums at the local primary school

Rightly or wrongly, you do look down on them - how can you avoid coming across as such?

[LeaLeander]

I don't blame you OP, for not wanting your kids in that toxic environment. Who cares what those silly busybodies think? Just because they don't have standards for the care and comfort of their own kids doesn't mean you need stoop to their level. And I get what you are saying about their ages... hardly the oracles of common sense and prudence, are they?

Just ignore. Maybe you can give the poor neglected kids a little treat or dinner at your place sometime.

[MTPurse]

What has the age of the mothers got to do with it?

[PPie10]

Yanbu, I wouldn't either. even if you sent her this one time there might be more invitations and will be harder to make excuses. You're not being snobbish, I don't know who would like their children to be around people like that.

[MummyBex1985]

They sound vile. I wouldn't let my DD stay there either!

[NapQueen]

Haha well in amonst the sneery sentences and disdainful nuances lies a real issue. Shame you clear snobbery has overshaddowed it.

Dont send her. But come the fuck on OP.

[thenappyslayer]

Afreshstartplease not judging but they are young.....maturity comes with age most of the time. I'm sure you're not the same person you were ten years ago. You're right I will host a sleepover I want DD to be friends with everyone she's not better than any of those kids and I really don't think she is or we are better than the parents. It's just the issue of sleeping over thats all. Sorry if the age comment was offensive x

[PPie10]

What has the age of the mothers got to do with it?

Yes because a bunch of 15yo having kids is so normal and nothing to about.

[wheresthel1ght]

But you are being a snob - not that there is anything wrong with that but your post is very judgemental and if you have given them the same impression as you have given here you have looked down on them.

It's up to you whether you let your dd stay the night but yabvu to judge.

[FirstWeTakeManhattan]

the mother smokes over the pram of her newborn and the father has a foul mouth

For those reasons, YANBU.

But this...

Well, they average at around 26 (with 9 year olds) but you catch my drift

What a mean little comment.

[Paulat2112]

YANBU i wouldn't have let my kids go either.

[Afreshstartplease]

I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago no. Do you think those women are? Did you know them at 16?

[jellybeans]

I have 5 kids and by now have given up caring what the other mums think. If I am not happy with something then I simply make an excuse. If yiu aren't happy then make am excuse and then forget about it. You made the decision for the right reason eg gut feeling etc think no more of it.

[thenappyslayer]

NapQueen Not a snob I grew up on a council estate and my parents still live on one. I'm proud of my background and DD has friends from all backgrounds this is about the parents. If I sent her to a private school and the parents smoked around their kids and had things I didn't like I'd feel the same. I was being honest about the fact that I live somewhere nice and have money at this point in my life. It's quite annoying that if you're not working class "anymore" you can't even utter the term without being burned at the stake as a snob.

[MTPurse]

Yes because a bunch of 15yo having kids is so normal and nothing to hmm about.

Fuck off PPie10

I was 15 when I had my first ds. I may not have gcse's but I now run a very successful business and own my own home, I am not the same person I was at 15.

How judgemental can you get!

I completely agree with Derek.

[LeaLeander]

Having standards is not the same as being "a sob."

[LeaLeander]

a "snob," rather

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Well, they average at around 26 (with 9 year olds) but you catch my drift.

Fuck off with this and your maturity comes with age bullshit. I am 27 with a nine year old, every one of my ds's friend's parents trust me implicitly with their children. I have raised a well rounded, intelligent, kind child. Don't for a second think it's fair to use their age against them.

[eosmum]

I don't do sleepovers until late in Secondary School. That means my children don't sleep over in friends houses and they don't sleep in mine. You can't say you don't do sleepovers and then invite them to sleep at yours, it will look odd if you keep making excuses as to why you child then can't go to sleep at theirs.