Have I really made a baby with a child abuser?

(41 Posts)
TurtleNeckJumper Tue 26-Apr-16 12:08:17

I began seeing someone. A year ago, I was told that I couldn't have children, so after knowing this person's sexual health, we stopped using contraception.

I fell pregnant. I'm actually overjoyed, of course! I've always wanted to have children, so it was lovely news. However, my 'partner', isn't working; he has also got £60,000 worth of depts. He told me that it was because his mother had died and he developed bad depression and had to go into hospital, etc.

So I have been supporting him and helping him find a job, he has been to several interviews and didn't get any - which I'm now not even sure if it's true!

Around 2 weeks ago, I met his sister for the first time, in a rather unpleasant way. She came banging on my door, pushing and shoving 'my partner' and shouting how he is lucky she hasn't killed him, etc.

She then turned around to me and said I'm a fool to be with a man who beats up children. I asked him to leave for the afternoon... I got talking with his sister, over Facebook. Saying that he was inside for hurting her son.

I don't know how to confirm who is right? I'm just so lost with it all.

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes Tue 26-Apr-16 12:09:57

Believe her. I would.

KnotNora Tue 26-Apr-16 12:10:56

Ask the police

PippaFawcett Tue 26-Apr-16 12:11:25

Some police forces, perhaps all, will do background checks on partners to help women determine whether people have a history of abuse. I would get in touch with your local force to check. And yes, I would believe her.

papayasareyum Tue 26-Apr-16 12:11:36

have you goggled his name, that's where I'd start?

AddToBasket Tue 26-Apr-16 12:11:54

The police will help you with this. Contact the local station.

NapQueen Tue 26-Apr-16 12:12:17

Id call her and have a conversation.

Heirhelp Tue 26-Apr-16 12:12:24

You can go to the police and under Clare or Sarah's law find out if he would be a risk to you or your children. Somebody more knowledge will be along soon to explain how it works.

You said he has lots of debts he gave up work when he had depression. Does he still have depression? Is he seeking treatment? Is he looking for work?

Who told you that you could definitely not have children?

Arfarfanarf Tue 26-Apr-16 12:12:37

I would be inclined to believe her. Her actions seem entirely consistant with a mother angry at someone for hurting her child.
I am sure she will have evidence. Perhaps you could ask to see it if she would permit it. Or perhaps look online. Are these things not public? (I may be incorrect. I do not work in the system)

TurtleNeckJumper Tue 26-Apr-16 12:15:40

Well, I'm wondering if he ever had depression at all - instead of being in hospital, he was probably in prison, if she is correct. No, he isn't seeking any help for his depression, that I'm aware of.

I was told I was going through an early menopause.

Princesspeach1980 Tue 26-Apr-16 12:16:58

The police will definitely help with this. They are legally required to give out information relating to children, and also domestic abuse. They might not go into details, but they will tell you whether they feel you or the baby are at risk from him.

CutYourHairAndGetAJob Tue 26-Apr-16 12:18:05

I don't have much knowledge of this but presumably social services would take an interest if he has a record of child abuse. Could you contact them in the first instance to ask for advice.

Poor you, what a horrible thing to happen. flowers

BarbarianMum Tue 26-Apr-16 12:18:08

Can she tell you when he went to court/was put inside? You could try googling him, see if anything comes up. Or look at old court transcripts/records which I think are in the public domain. Or approach the police under Sarah's law - actually I think I'd try this first.

You owe it to all of you to find out the truth, now. And please think carefully about whether you'd be better in or out of a relationship with this man now a baby is on the way (congrats). The debts alone would raise a red flag with me.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 26-Apr-16 12:19:19

And his good points are...?????
Sorry, but he doesn't work.
He's in massive debt.
You already think he is a liar.
Why are you with him.
He is a cocklodger.
And you do not need this drain on you with a baby on the way.
You will need your energy and money for your new DC.
From what you have posted, he'd be gone from my home!

ChemistryHunt Tue 26-Apr-16 12:20:50

Contact the police, I know there is a new procedure in place to allow women to gather certain information about a new partner if they are concerned they or their children are at risk. I am sure they can help you.

hownottofuckup Tue 26-Apr-16 12:21:39

The police will help you with this, please call 101 and speak to your local force.

thedancingbear Tue 26-Apr-16 12:22:43

I wouldn't necessarily believe what the sister says - there could be any kind of background between the pair of them. But I do think you need to investigate further.

At the risk of asking the bleeding obvious, what has your DP got to say about it?

Lweji Tue 26-Apr-16 12:25:11

Odd.

How did she find out where you live?
How long have you been with him? If more than a year, you had never met his family? Why?

Why do you tend to believe anything he says? £60,000 worth of debt caused by depression?

Surely she's able to provide details or evidence.

TurtleNeckJumper Tue 26-Apr-16 12:25:23

He said that his sister is lying and that she is mad that he refused to go and see his nephew, due to him being unwell. Something along those lines, I wasn't really interested in what he had to say at that point, my head was a bit everywhere.

TurtleNeckJumper Tue 26-Apr-16 12:25:26

He said that his sister is lying and that she is mad that he refused to go and see his nephew, due to him being unwell. Something along those lines, I wasn't really interested in what he had to say at that point, my head was a bit everywhere.

TurtleNeckJumper Tue 26-Apr-16 12:25:31

He said that his sister is lying and that she is mad that he refused to go and see his nephew, due to him being unwell. Something along those lines, I wasn't really interested in what he had to say at that point, my head was a bit everywhere.

TheHobbitMum Tue 26-Apr-16 12:27:56

Definitely go to the police OP they'll give you the facts under the new laws about protecting partners x

TeaBelle Tue 26-Apr-16 12:28:11

Agree with previous posters - phone 101 and ask to make a request under Claire ' s law. They will then share the relevant information with you at a planned appointment

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Apr-16 12:29:05

Then ask his sister for facts and figures. What did he do? When did he do it? What was his sentence? Where did he serve his time? Is he now on probation? That sort of thing. Or you could go to the police and ask them.

Buzzardbird Tue 26-Apr-16 12:32:14

You were told this two weeks ago?

Google his name? Phone the Police?

What are you waiting for?

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