Was I unreasonable to not give this woman back her child? Is DH now being a nob?

(132 Posts)
NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:46:26

Hiya,

Just looking for some advice.

A year ago, I was at a train station, it was relatively busy.

A small child, who was around 4, was very close to the edge. I could not see his parents around at all. I had to go over to him, he definitely didn't seem too safe.

He said that he wasn't sure where his mum was - mum.

A man then approached us, thanking me and saying it was his child, saying his name. I asked the boy if that was his name; it was. I then asked if he knew the man, he then said "where is my mum?"

I was very confused and unsure what to do. I said to the man that I am going to have to say something to the station, as I want to make sure he is safe.

I went to a security guard. He told me to just hand the child over to 'the dad'. However, this boy never said to me that he was his dad, he just kept going on about his mum.

I said that I think it'll be best if I call the police, they said an officer would be there in half an hour.

The 'Dad' then snatched the child out of my hand and said that they were going to be late for the show. I tried to explain to the guard who said that he was obviously the dad as no one else had claimed to be his parents. I tried to run after them, but the he told me to just let them go and stop bugging them.

The police later arrived and said they would follow it up.

I do not know the outcome, I had to do a statement, but that was all.

Was I unreasonable? It's just, DH now makes jokes with our DC when we are out, saying I'm not allowed to hold their hand because he doesn't know if they're my kids, fucking annoying stuff like that.

JuxtapositionRecords Mon 25-Apr-16 20:50:18

But the boy clearly was with the man, dad or not so I don't see the issue? I think you were being v paranoid tbh.

EatShitDerek Mon 25-Apr-16 20:50:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuxtapositionRecords Mon 25-Apr-16 20:51:20

But I don't get why your DH still goes on about it - you were clearly trying to do the right thing

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:51:31

But how was he obviously with the boy? He kept saying he came their with his mum, never said anything about a dad.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Apr-16 20:51:42

Ugh. What a twat.

I am not surprised that incident is playing on your mind and your H is being a prick about it. Tell him to STFU.

PuntasticUsername Mon 25-Apr-16 20:52:44

Why do your thread title talk about giving the child back to a woman, when you say in the thread that it was a man?

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:53:59

That was not meant to say woman, I think it must have corrected as I type fast, my apologies. There was no woman involved.

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:55:28

Or my brain must have messed up? I put her too!

PuntasticUsername Mon 25-Apr-16 20:56:19

Yeah, that's why I was thinking it was a bit odd! smile

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:56:32

That's really awkward because now it sounds like a load of bollocks sad

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:57:27

I'll get the HQ people to correct it smile

JuxtapositionRecords Mon 25-Apr-16 20:57:50

Because the man knew the boys name..? And it would be very, very unlikely a child snatcher just happened to stumble across you and overhear you have a lost child. If any of my DC got lost they would be asking for me even if their dad found them.

ChicRock Mon 25-Apr-16 21:01:58

It was a year ago, you've heard nothing more from the police, you did what you thought was right at the time, you both need to let it go now.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Mon 25-Apr-16 21:05:51

So if a woman claimed him and the boy was asking for 'dad'... Would you have done the same??

I think I'd go with how the child was reacting to the person claiming him

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:07:30

Yes, I would have done the same. When I asked the boy if he knew the man, he walked behind me and just asked for him mum, is that something a lost child would do? Also, I have a statement to the police, I wouldn't have heard from them, surely?

Anyway, I have let it go, it's my DH who keeps making the comments when we are out.

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:07:36

Yes, I would have done the same. When I asked the boy if he knew the man, he walked behind me and just asked for him mum, is that something a lost child would do? Also, I have a statement to the police, I wouldn't have heard from them, surely?

Anyway, I have let it go, it's my DH who keeps making the comments when we are out.

museumum Mon 25-Apr-16 21:08:49

Did you not ask the man where the boys mum was?

Although tbh my ds does ask for daddy when out with just me or vice versa.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 25-Apr-16 21:08:53

But if the man in question was the mum's new partner the child might not have identified him as being his dad.

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:10:28

That's why I asked if he knew him

Believeitornot Mon 25-Apr-16 21:10:50

Your dh is a bit of a tool.

NewToAllThis12345 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:10:58

Also, why would he have said it was his child? Anyway, I was just trying to be on the safe side.

VestalVirgin Mon 25-Apr-16 21:13:05

If any of my DC got lost they would be asking for me even if their dad found them.

Oo

This seems very weird.

Granted, my dad is a rather progressive man who maybe spent more time with us than other fathers do with their children, but when I was little I would have totally panicked at not knowing where my parents are, and therefore have been overjoyed to have found my mom or dad.

I think it is very reasonable to question a man's identity if the child shows no sign of recognizing him whatsoever. hmm

Pixienott0005 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:15:47

I think what you did was really quite sensible tbh. If you Google how many child sex offenders are in your local area of city you would be astonished. Nonces are opportunists, a little boy on his own at a train station without his parents is really vulnerable.

People might think you're watching too much tv but you've just got a good head on your shoulders. Your husband is just having banter with you, he'd probably never have the balls to question a situation like that.

I'd just laugh it off.

windygales Mon 25-Apr-16 21:15:57

I think you acted instinctively and it's better to be safe than sorry.
YaNbu.
Your DH however is BU

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