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AIBU?

More of an am I over reacting?

14 replies

TheWitTank · 25/04/2016 16:16

I was at work today doing the usual, sorting through paperwork and going through emails from the weekend. As I was reading through, one popped up from a new customer who we had quoted for. I know the job details and I know that my boss does not really want the job (has told me as much) and would rather the customer go elsewhere. Customer is a nice person, but we are busy already and the job is complex, fiddly and time consuming. Rather than be honest and refer them elsewhere (we know several other places we can recommend) on reading through the email I noticed that my boss has told them he can't do it as his wife has cancer. She hasn't. Total bullshit. Am I wrong/over reacting in thinking this is terrible thing to say and lie about?! I know boss didn't want me to see it as it disappeared pretty quickly from the inbox/deleted, I just happened to see it as I got there first. The customer was really lovely and sympathetic and opened up about her own cancer battle which made me feel like shit for her as it was all lies. I like my bosses and I enjoy where I work, but he has form for being a total liar about stuff generally. Would this annoy you or do you think it's not a big deal and it's just a lie to a relative stranger?

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timeforabrewnow · 25/04/2016 16:18

It's a big deal, and your boss is very odd indeed. What else does s/he lie about?

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Snoopysimaginaryfriend · 25/04/2016 16:19

It would annoy me personally. No need to lie about something as emotive as cancer. My colleague's wife died of cancer just before Christmas and he went home early today because he's not coping.

It's just unnecessary

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TheWitTank · 25/04/2016 16:26

It is unecessary. I just don't get it! It would be easier to have told the customer the truth -we are busy and haven't got the space for the job, but we can recommend so and so to help you. He seems to be one of those people who compulsively lie, even if it's totally unecessary or unimportant. I catch him out sometimes when he forgets he has told me something already, then tells me again with a made up story in the middle. I've never caught him lying about something so awful before though. It's really pissed me off!

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Buzzardbird · 25/04/2016 16:26

That is horrible. YANBU

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whois · 25/04/2016 16:27

What a total twat. Why not just say 'sorry, can't take on that kind of job at the moment however I can recommend [x] and [x] who are very skilled in this area. Contact details for both are attached."

Liars need to DO ONE.

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Queenbean · 25/04/2016 16:30

I know that he has lied about things in the past generally, but do you know for sure that she doesn't have cancer?

I hate liars, one of my friends lied about the most ridiculous things all the time. Inheriting sums of money, hanging out with celebrities. She doesn't do it so much any more but it makes me question everything she says. I'd like her so much more if she was just truthful.

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anaiis · 25/04/2016 16:32

Horrible thing to lie about. My mum always said you shouldn't lie about something you wouldn't wish to come true. Saying you're too busy is fair enough and if actually you could've squeezed it in then at worst it's a white lie. But to lie about something so serious is horrible. He sounds an odd person.

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TheWitTank · 25/04/2016 16:36

Yes, I'm sure. I'm actually quite close to his wife, she has not got cancer.
That's the thing though isn't it -the more you lie the more people don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth. With him, I think he panics. He can't think of what to say/how to say it or doesn't want people to think badly of him so he blurts out any old crap that comes into his head. It's going to come back and bite him in the arse one day!

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VestalVirgin · 25/04/2016 16:38

Stay safe.

I think this is one of the symptoms of sociopathy. I sincerely hope your boss is only a compulsive liar due to issues unrelated to sociopathy, but ... there's a dozen things he could have said, but he chose to claim that his wife suffers from a lethal illness. It is so cruel ...

Never put yourself in a position where you would be vulnerable to lies, or worse.

My instinct would be to get the hell away from that person, but since it is your boss, that's rather difficult.

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RaeSkywalker · 25/04/2016 16:43

anaiis I agree with your Mum! Never, ever lie about anything you wouldn't wish to come true.

OP you boss has behaved like an arse. I'd be calling him on it I think. YANBU.

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Wdigin2this · 25/04/2016 16:51

It is a big deal, it is a horrible thing to say, and you should really tell your boss that you're shocked and upset that he told such an awful lie! However, it isn't actually your business and you may end up getting the sack over it, or at least having to work in an unpleasant atmosphere.....so I'd think very carefully about which way you're going to deal with this, personally I'd be looking for another job!

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FearOfFlying · 25/04/2016 16:54

That is a horrible thing to lie about.

We knew a compulsive liar once, but she was truly a lovely person, just totally unreliable and untrustworthy - she just lied all the time. I'm not sure she'd ever have gone as far as 'cancer' but it wouldn't surprise me - she was a drama queen. She was our lodger when I was about 10yrs old, and my mum used to say "she'd tell a lie even if the truth was as good".

I can't see what good this lie does your boss - the polite truth "we can't take on this particular job at the moment" or whatever -would be much better and more professional.

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OnlyLovers · 25/04/2016 16:55

Wow, that's outrageous! Weird, unpleasant, baffling.

Unfortunately I can't think of any way for you to broach it that will go well for you, although someone may well come along with some good advice.

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TheWitTank · 25/04/2016 17:00

I've just had a read up on compulsive/pathological liars and it's actually quite interesting. Apparently lying can feel safe and protecting and easier than telling the truth. It's an addiction . It would explain a lot tbh.
He can be a fairly difficult person to deal with, although we do get on well generally. I think I will gently bring up the subject of the customer tomorrow and see what he says. I really can't leave this job, it fits in perfectly around my life (school, DH working hours) and the money is great. Plus I do actually like the job and the people! It's difficult. I HATE that lie, it was awful.