To be feeling disturbed by this?

(6 Posts)
Wherearethewottingers Sun 24-Apr-16 22:46:30

I need to vent somewhere as I can't speak about this in rl.

When I was 14 I was a bit off the rails, I was in with a bad crowd and we ended up getting involved with some older men. I was a bit lost really.

There was one in particular who was in his 20s. My friend and me would pretend that we were staying at each others houses and go to stay with him and his mate, looking back I'd say it was more abuse. He knew my age, I didn't even really like him I just wanted to fit in and feel grown up I suppose. They'd give us alcohol, he'd say he was going to get me pregnant, it was all so horrible really.

He was really quite weird all nice one minute and suddenly turned on us a few times, he beat his friend up one night for no apparent reason and he'd like block our way to get out or make really violent threats completely unprovoked. I was too young and naive to even feel properly scared at the time. It probably seemed like an episode of Eastenders.

I only saw him a few times then my dad found out and called the police and it was all stopped. My dad was convinced that the men were trying to get us into prostitution. I don't think the police were very interested at the time, in fact I seem to remember them saying how I'd probably sneak off again and so perhaps my mum and dad should consider meeting him. This was quite a long time ago but that was how they acted.

It's all a rather unpleasant memory that I try not to think about most of the time. I'm married now with my own dc. I can't help thinking about it but I wish it never happened.

There was something in the papers recently someone with the same surname committed an horrific crime, I googled his name as I thought I wouldn't be surprised if they're related. Anyway it turned out from a quick google that he is serving life for killing his wife in a very cold blooded way and in front of her child. It wasn't recent it was a number of years ago now, but it turned out years before that, he'd attempted to do the same thing to another girlfriend and served a sentence, and not long after I'd known him.

It's really disturbed me, that I've been that close to a murderer, and I suppose thinking that it could have been me. Then I feel really angry that after having sex with a teenage girl, and attacking a different woman he was allowed out to go on and kill and leave a poor child without their mother.

I'm not looking for sympathy but it just seems he spent his adult life hurting women.

He's serving a long sentence but he will only be in his 50s when he's out again.

PattiLevin Sun 24-Apr-16 23:05:31

Any normal person would feel disturbed by that. Don't let it eat you up tho sad

Wherearethewottingers Sun 24-Apr-16 23:27:45

It feels as though it wasn't me back then, someone else.

I remember the police saying that he was known to them, they didn't say what for.

The phrases he was using to threaten his wife he was using all those years ago.

A very dangerous person, a pity it took for him to murder and even now he will still have time when he's out.

fatmomma99 Mon 25-Apr-16 00:55:46

you've experienced child sex exploitation, and you should probably have counselling for what you've been through. If you talk to your GP, you might get it.

Thinking of you. flowers

UptownFunk00 Mon 25-Apr-16 01:18:21

I'm so sorry OP what a horrible experience sad

It's not the same thing but I googled my ex and a guy of the same name was imprisoned for doing something with a minor. His name isn't abnormally unusual but I found child images on his computer when we were together - the thought it could be him fills me with dread, disgust and self hatred.

Equally a guy I knew in college told me about paedophile can feelings but didn't admit to doing anything. I told him to tell his counsellor or I'd tell the college/police (not completely just thoughts as let his niece do innocent things that he enjoyed). He also hurt a male friend of mine with violence. A few years later an article on our local news site showed he'd been sent to a specialist unit and then supervision - he's done stuff to his niece and another male and female - all 3 under 12.

The thought he could've been doing those things when I knew him... I just can't go there.

But you are not responsible for his actions.
You have every reason to be horrified - anyone would be.

Thank goodness he is where he should be.

Peyia Mon 25-Apr-16 01:27:29

I'm shocked the police done nothing!! How awful for you flowers

Perhaps counselling could help? Once you have the strength and confidence it might be a good idea to lodge a complaint with the Police. To highlight and record their failings on this matter. It's appalling!

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