About my friend copying me

(31 Posts)
marylinmonroeroe Sun 24-Apr-16 15:27:49

I lost my mum to cancer 3 years ago and have been wanting to have a small tattoo for a while now - something really personal and in memory of her. I've finally arranged it and have told my 2 closest friends.

One of them sent me a message last night asking when I'm having my tattoo because she wants to come with me and have one done herself. I asked what she was having and she said she's been looking at 'symbols and stuff' on instagram but hasn't decided yet.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off that she's just suddenly decided she wants a meaningless tattoo and to come with me when mine clearly means so much to me?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sun 24-Apr-16 15:30:21

Not really copying, is it?

But if you'd rather go alone then just say that.

gleam Sun 24-Apr-16 15:30:22

Maybe she wants to come with you to support you?

mrsmeerkat Sun 24-Apr-16 15:32:51

I don't think it is intentional op but I wouldn't disclose anymore to her either.

She just doesn't get the significance of it. perhaps she has never been through it.

Your best bet is to either say to her that this is something you need to do on your own or if you think you wouldn't get the hint tell her you are putting it off for a while and secretly get it done. That's what I would do

Sorry for your loss. it is not easy.

ChicRock Sun 24-Apr-16 15:33:44

Tell her you'd rather go alone.

Or just go alone and tell her after the event.

Oysterbabe Sun 24-Apr-16 15:34:46

Yabu.
You know lots of people get tattoos right? Doesn't mean it's copying. Maybe she's wanted one for a while but was nervous about going alone.

ZenNudist Sun 24-Apr-16 15:35:01

Well you don't have to go with her but as long as she is not getting the same tattoo as you it's not copying.

marylinmonroeroe Sun 24-Apr-16 15:36:03

She's never lost anyone and doesn't understand. She's said a lot of stuff in the past without thinking and it's upset me. I know I'm probably being too touchy.

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee Sun 24-Apr-16 15:36:03

You're going to get a tatoo, your friend wants to come with you and get one as well. Thats hardly copying you, unless she gets the same tattoo.

Just say no thanks, I want to go alone. What's the big deal?

thecatfromjapan Sun 24-Apr-16 15:37:41

You're being unreasonable because she clearly isn't interpreting the even in the way you are interpreting it and so she isn't intending to cause you the upset you feel she is causing you.

Just go alone.

marylinmonroeroe Sun 24-Apr-16 15:37:45

She's terrified of needles and has never had any piercings because of that. It feels like she's doing it to be 'cool'.

ElspethFlashman Sun 24-Apr-16 15:38:07

Did you give her a date?

I would say "Not decided yet" and then change the subject.

Then skip away some day and do it and when she pouts say breezily that it was a spur of the moment thing.

In my experience people who haven't thought through tattoos always want someone with them for encouragement and general giddiness. People who have something meaningful often want to go alone.

M00nUnit Sun 24-Apr-16 15:38:46

I thought you were going to say she was getting the same tattoo as you. But she's not so I don't see the problem really. Maybe she's been wanting a tattoo for a while too and this has spurred her on. Maybe she'd like some company and thought you would too. But if you really want to go on your own I guess you should just tell her. She may be a bit offended though.

ForTheSakeOfFuck Sun 24-Apr-16 15:38:58

I'm not sure that hers being just a "fashion" choice, for want of a better term, somehow detracts from the importance of, or mimics yours. If getting your tattoo is more of a meaningful, ceremonial event (again for want of a better word) to you though you could always let her know that it's a really personal, private thing. If she's looking for moral support to get hers done, offer to go with her on her date, and go alone on yours.

You never know, she might even have her own very serious and personal reasons for having one done and just hasn't disclosed that aspect of it.

ElspethFlashman Sun 24-Apr-16 15:39:46

She'll spend the whole time making it about herself and giggling. As someone who got a very emotional tattoo after my mum passed, NO WAY!

marylinmonroeroe Sun 24-Apr-16 15:39:57

I just think she'll see it as a fun thing to do and will tell everyone that we went and had tattoos together. This means a lot to me and I don't want it to turn into something we did together. That probably sounds really daft.

ChicRock Sun 24-Apr-16 15:40:14

It's not up to you to decide whether someone is getting a tattoo for the right reasons or reasons you approve of, and tattoos don't always have to have a meaning.

I think you've taken this completely the wrong way.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser Sun 24-Apr-16 15:40:41

It's not copying exactly, but it does seem insensitive of her. If you don't want her to come with you, just say that it's a private and personal thing and you would like to go alone.

Try to keep the fact that she wants her own tattoo separate. If she wants to get a meaningless symbol tattooed on herself for ever that is her own business. Just don't let it intrude on your plans to remember your mother.

thecatfromjapan Sun 24-Apr-16 15:41:08

Does it matter why she's doing it? I strongly suspect that you are directing a bit of anger towards your friend that is possibly related to your mother's death.

Forget about her. Just go alone, enjoy your tattoo, and remember what the experience is for. Don't make it about feeling angry with your friend. That's pointless.

marylinmonroeroe Sun 24-Apr-16 15:41:30

Elspeth you've hit the nail on the head. That's exactly what she's like and she would absolutely make it about herself.

TwentyOneGuns Sun 24-Apr-16 15:41:48

Actually I can see where you're coming from. I think I'd feel it belittled something that meant a lot to me if a friend suddenly jumped on the bandwagon with a random thing they'd found 5 minutes ago on Instagram. Obviously she's free to get a tattoo if she wants one but the way she's gone about it is a bit tactless imo.

Sorry about your Mum flowers.

ImperialBlether Sun 24-Apr-16 15:43:33

I think it sounds as though she wants to make this about her, so you'll be pulled into discussing what she wants and supporting her when she struggles with the pain etc. It should be your day, when your needs are taken into account - tell her you want to go on your own, or tell her you're no longer doing it, then go alone.

flowers for your mum.

Gide Sun 24-Apr-16 15:44:55

Just don't go with her. Tell her you need to do this alone, simple.

specialsubject Sun 24-Apr-16 15:52:11

go on your own, don't tell her. There's a time and a place for girly bonding experiences and this isn't it.

best to you.

yorkshapudding Sun 24-Apr-16 16:11:37

I thought you were going to say she's getting the exact same tattoo in the same place or something. From your OP she's not "copying" you at all. She just wants a tattoo.

If you'd prefer to go alone than that's fine, just tell her. She's not actually doing anything wrong by asking to come with you (she might have thought you'd like moral support) or by wanting to get a tattoo herself though.

Lots of people get tattoos for all sorts of reasons, some are very personal and meaningful but other people get them for purely aesthetic reasons. Both perfectly valid choices.

I expect there is a huge backstory to this and you are actually upset with your friend for something else.

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