Please help, feeling completely disillusioned with life

(14 Posts)
Mashimi Sat 23-Apr-16 21:22:36

I'm in my final year of university, about to take my finals.

I am feeling completely disillusioned with everything though.

There is so much work to do, and I just feel empty/numb... What's the point of it all? I have worked hard to get here and it would be ridiculous to let it all go now - all those sleepless night in 1st/2nd/3rd year must be worth something, I don't want to fail.

But equally, I can't help but feel completely disillusioned by everything. I'm 24, I don't have a boyfriend, I'm scared I won't find love. I have good friends and I have a job offer after uni but I'm not sure it's what I really want to do, and also I know every one there will be better than me/more hungry for success... I used to be but now I'm not... It's just gone, the fight has left me. What's the point of trying if I'm not going to succeed anyway.

I can see the next few years of my life and all I see is unhappiness.

Please someone motivate me. I just feel completely numb.

What's the point of trying to pass these exams if nothing good is waiting at the end? I always thought that if I tried hard and did my best (as I did throughout school and university, well so far! Not so much now), things would turn out well and I would be happy. Well, turns out I was wrong. It hasn't brought happiness at all. I could work as hard as I wanted and I'll still be me, averagely attractive, not the best, not even good. And unhappy.

I feel like the more I grow up, the shitter things become. I used to think things would just fall into place, they would just work out, but they haven't. It's luck and genetics that bring you love and happiness and contentment. I'm scum.

IceMaiden73 Sat 23-Apr-16 21:25:46

I think everyone gets like this when they are tired and have lost momentum, I know I felt the same when I was doing my final accountancy exams

You have done so well and got so far, just give it one more push to get through the exams, you will always regret it afterwards

If you are not sure what direction you want to go in next, would taking some time out and going travelling or something be an option? This would give you a break and help you to clear you head

IonaNE Sat 23-Apr-16 21:33:34

I could work as hard as I wanted and I'll still be me, averagely attractive, not the best, not even good. And unhappy.
The point of passing your exams is that you can finally be what you went to uni for, ie to start working as a doctor, vet, engineer, nurse, teacher, lawyer, whichever profession. It won't directly and immediately change your appearance, but reaching your professional goals will be a true change and will make a difference in your life.

IonaNE Sat 23-Apr-16 21:33:39

I could work as hard as I wanted and I'll still be me, averagely attractive, not the best, not even good. And unhappy.
The point of passing your exams is that you can finally be what you went to uni for, ie to start working as a doctor, vet, engineer, nurse, teacher, lawyer, whichever profession. It won't directly and immediately change your appearance, but reaching your professional goals will be a true change and will make a difference in your life.

Aspergallus Sat 23-Apr-16 21:35:54

I felt like this toward the end of uni, OP. I think that we generally get the idea that uni will bring us all the BIG things about being an adult...qualifications, career start, life partner, perhaps engagement, clarity about big life goals. So when it comes to the end and we've only got the academic bit, it can feel like you've been defeated.

But don't fret. Please don't.

Sometimes uni is, well, just uni. Not everyone finds their big lifetime friendships and relationships there. Particularly not those of us who are a bit more introverted. All I got from uni was qualifications and the means to start my career. I finished at 25, felt much like you are describing and kept trundling on. I gradually found a lifestyle that suited me, but still didn't meet my DH till I was 32. First DC when I was 35, second at 38. Couldn't be happier. And it seems kind of daft that I thought I'd have it all sewn up at 25, though I can remember the despair.

As for feeling "average"...it really sounds like you could do with a bit of time and space to be sure and confident in who you are before you find a relationship.

MeDownSouth Sat 23-Apr-16 21:43:23

Oh Mashimi, I understand. I went through this too. You're completely burnt out and need a break. I convinced myself to get through my exams so as not to waste the last 3 yrs but it was a struggle (especially as I had a major bereavement during it). You don't have to accept the job offer, you can take some time to rest and think about what you want to do. Maybe see if you can have a chat with a counsellor at the SU? They could help guide you in where you want to be. You are allowed to change your mind over what you want to do with your life.
Now listen to me YOU ARE NOT SCUM you are a hardworking young woman who is stressed and needs a break, I know I've got the tshirt. You are clearly smart (you work hard academically), are a good person (good friends) and deserve to be happy. I found my love when I gave up looking for him, actually he found me smile I think you need to have a chat with someone, preferable someone with counselling or medical training as I think CBT may help you like it did me.
Please join me for cake and brew, it does get better in time smile

ghostyslovesheep Sat 23-Apr-16 21:48:52

YOU ARE NOT SCUM

hush that talk my love;y - what you are is stressed, exhausted, worried about your finals, next steps, and in need of a good rest

you are 24 - you have YEARS of life ahead of you - and life is what you make it - you don't have to accept humdrum, mundane etc - your 20's are for FUN - so what if you are single - you have the freedom to do what you want and the world at your feet

I didn't my husband until I was 30 and by 38 I had 3 kids - you have so much time

rest - and please learn to love yourself a little - you are smart and you are worth so much xxxx

Mashimi Sat 23-Apr-16 21:57:02

Thank you all for your kind words.

I have stupidly gone on medication to get me through finals (anti-anxiety, Citalopram) and it has made me far too calm and laid-back which is very worrying. I have not done enough work if I'm honest and all the adrenaline and fear which I normally rely on to get me through exams/deadlines has gone. Ironically, I am stressed about not being stressed confused

Against medical advice I have stopped taking the medication as I really, REALLY need this fear back. I feel like everything is crumbling around me.

Also, so as not to drip-feed, I have actually had time out from university so I am taking finals a year later than everyone else. So everyone advising to travel and lay back - I have had a year of taking things easy essentially and it has served me no purpose at all sad I feel more directionless than ever now.

Mashimi Sat 23-Apr-16 21:58:14

I'm not exhausted, just lazy and useless. I really need the fear back, I am going to absolutely screw things up sad sad sad These tablets have made me lose all motivation and worry. What a disaster.

LucieLucie Sat 23-Apr-16 22:12:26

Mashimi it sounds like you have depression, many of us suffer.

I would recommend going back to see your gp and discussing medication.

Citalipram made me numb, it may be that it's not the right med for you but there are lots of other kinds to try.

Just take each day at a time and try not to over think things.

flowers

pinktransit Sat 23-Apr-16 22:13:29

Everyone I've known that has gone through uni (DD2, niece, friends of both) have gone through this. It's totally normal (although everyone pretends that they're fine). You get towards the end, you're getting to the point that you've worked for, for so long and so hard, the end is in sight, and everything goes flat.
They've all got through it, worked even though they couldn't see the point.
It's hard, but totally worth it. Just keep going xxx

None of them have regretted plodding on through.
Oh, and you're not lazy and useless - you've done amazingly to get this far. Keep going. smile

Eebahgum Sat 23-Apr-16 22:30:29

Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.
Sounds like you're worrying a lot that things that haven't fallen into place yet never will. I remember going through similar phases during my uni years but you know what? You're still young and you don't have to have all the answers yet. Finish your degree - you're right - you may as well. Maybe the job you get after it will last a year. . . 5 years. . . 10 years. It doesn't matter. You'll stay as long as you want and then move onto better things. I did a very career specific degree & paniced I was on a 1 track road but 15 years into that career have just switched to something different that I love. That doesn't mean my degree or 15 year career were wasted. They lead me here. And as for love - I wasted my twenties wondering when it would happen and what was wrong with me & I look back on those wasted years with regret as I now know it only happened when I stopped beating myself up with such silly questions. There's no time limit on happiness. Your time will come, just hang in there.

Livingtothefull Sat 23-Apr-16 22:32:46

Bless you. I am so sure it is going to be OK for you. And you are so so far from being scum……please be a friend to yourself. Please, don't berate yourself, you deserve better.

I didn't meet my DH till I was nearly 30, married him at 32. I started uni at 22 and graduated at 26 , you are already further ahead than me. You have so much time on your side.

When you are studying it is very stressful especially when finals are approaching…..when you are stressed it affects your thinking & it is easy to lose sight of why you are doing it, what it is all for. But just hang in there and at the end of it, you will have an achievement that can never be taken away. If you have got this far then you can do it.

So many have been where you are and worried about what the future holds, but life has a way of just working these things out. So try not to worry too much about the future and just focus on the things that you CAN control here and now.

MeDownSouth Sun 24-Apr-16 16:40:47

If the meds aren't working please don't just stop them, the side effects are yucky and will make you feel worse. It may be that you're on the wrong dosage or wrong tablets all together. Please see your GP and please speak to a counsellor (either through GP or SU). They will help. The feeling of calm/numb after the long period of panic and worry is bizarre but then you realise the calm will help fix things and isn't to be scared of. I really think talking to someone will help you. Chatting to us is good, but talking to someone who knows you IRL and can help your situation will make a big difference.
Chin up chick, you'll get there and when you do you realise that everything has led to you becoming the amazing person you're meant to be, the good the bad and the horrendous x

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