To cancel party?

[MegGriffin1]

Hello. I have a big birthday in the summer and a party in a function room is arranged. However I don't want it! Were ttc and going through a hard time with hospital appointments etc. No one knows about this and people always ask when the baby's coming how about never?! .
Basically I really want to cancel but it'll look awful so what do I do? I have low tolerance of people anyway so this party might push me too far at the mo!

[PurpleDaisies]

No one knows about this and people always ask when the baby's coming how about never?!
Sorry you're going through this-it's really rubbish and people say the stupidest most unhelpful things. There's a lot of support on the infertility boards if you pop over there. I find if I make sure I'm obviously drinking people tend not to ask the question. One night of fun won't make any difference to your ttc.

If you really don't want it, cancelling is fine but it might be a lot better than you think.

[MegGriffin1]

I'm just not in the head space and I don't want it. I don't know now to cancel it though or what to say to people. I could say the venue messed booking up but that wound be unfair to that business any ideas?

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Cancel it. Book a weekend away with DH go somewhere nice and peaceful.

[MegGriffin1]

But what can I say ? About 80 people have been invited so I'll have to tell them all

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Say you can only get a great deal on where you're going that weekend or if DH is willing to take the hit, say he got the dates mixed up when booking.
Or just say you really want to spend it as a couple.

[PurpleDaisies]

Your partner has booked you an amazing surprise weekend away? Would that work?

[MegGriffin1]

We're going away the Monday after the party so that's a bit Suss. Any other ideas?

[PurpleDaisies]

Do you know any doctors? Fake broken leg?

[MegGriffin1]

Lol I'll have to give people and the place notice. Well lose deposit but it's only hundred quid. Really struggling with a reason here!

[BackforGood]

I think if you've invited everyone already, then it's a bit late to cancel (except for a bereavement). You'd be inviting a lot more questions form nosey family members if you cancel at this point.

Why not go along and try to enjoy it - you might be surprised.

[NapQueen]

Have you got someone close to you and dh who can do the ringing round? People are usually more understanding if, say, your mum rang round, "OP and dh are needing to cancel the party, things are getting a bit on top of them at the moment, all this baby talk and the usual stresses and strains that come with all that and they just want to get away for a few days instead. I'm sure you will understand"

I have lots of people in my life I adore but if any of them cancelled a party I'd be like "thank fuck for that, I hate parties!"

[5Foot5]

Well two things here:

1. I know how hard it is when you are TTC and intrusive and insensitive people ask when you are going to have a LO. With hindsight and the confidence that you get as you get older I wish I had told them to mind their own F'ing business rather than just smiling and shrugging.

1. If you are not a party animal why are you having one? There is no law to say you have to. DH and I have always celebrated big birthdays with a private treat.

[MegGriffin1]

Sorry I really don't want too. It's still three months away. Was going to see we've got concert tickets that we wouldn't get otherwise?

[PurpleDaisies]

I wish I had told them to mind their own F'ing business rather than just smiling and shrugging.
A death stare and a cold "did you really intend to ask such a personal question?" usually shuts people up.

[Faye12345]

Just say youve got tickets to a concert and really cant pass the opportunity up?

[Faye12345]

Napqueen op says no one knows re their ttc issues.

[AlpacaLypse]

Who has actually arranged this party? If it was you and your DP, you need to accept responsibility for cancelling. If it's family, you need to tell them it doesn't work for you.

[NapQueen]

I know, Faye I just figured it was a way of getting across the "stop bloody asking us about babies" aspect.

[PurpleDaisies]

I know, Faye I just figured it was a way of getting across the "stop bloody asking us about babies" aspect.
If anything it's likely to add fuel to the fire. Best to avoid it.

[champagneplanet]

It's YOUR birthday, do whatever you want to do. Book somewhere lovely, the best you can afford, and go with DH and relax (and possibly make a baby ). It sounds like you deserve it.

YANBU, if other people want a party they can have their own.

[PurpleDaisies]

Book somewhere lovely, the best you can afford, and go with DH and relax (and possibly make a baby)

I agree with going away somewhere nice, but seriously-relax and make a baby isn't a very sensible thing to say to someone having trouble conceiving.

[TattyCat]

You don't have to give a reason. It's just cancelled because you no longer want the party. Don't leave it until it's too late and people will have saved that date and/or bought outfits etc etc!

You don't owe anyone an explanation. At all.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

You cannot say you have concert tickets, you really can't.

Just send a note out to everyone along the lines of 'I'm really sorry but due to unforeseen cicumstances I've cancelled the party in 'month'. I hope to catch up with you soon/in the summer/whatever is appropriate'.

Most people won't give it another thought, it's only a party. If anyone asks why then you can choose whether to go with the truth or just 'Oh, it's so been such a nightmare I'd rather not discuss the details. Biscuit?'

Stop stressing yourself out over a party & good luck with conceiving X

[CakeNinja]

Who booked the party?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Totally understand your feelings.

You don't really need to give a reason for cancelling, although people will of course ask - just say that you're sorry, but you have changed your mind and need to cancel the party.

Am intrigued though - why book it in the first place if you had all this going on?