To think it's unfair she's annoyed (wedding- sorry, I know)

(86 Posts)
Leslieknope45 Thu 21-Apr-16 20:24:00

So a good friend of mine is getting married in November. Back story, she came to my wedding and was brilliant and great fun and made a real fuss of me. I am going to her hen do in August.

So she is getting married abroad. My husband isn't invited (they aren't inviting any plus ones).

It's a four day event but I am a teacher so I couldn't get time off so I would have to just go Saturday to Sunday. There aren't any flights to the nearest airport so I would have to hire a car, which I am slightly nervous about. I would land at midday and then have to get to the wedding, then get up early to fly back the next day.

We have to pay to stay in the house they have rented out and the flights are quite expensive. It would be a bit of a stretch for me to afford and would definitely mean that my husband and I wouldn't be able to go on holiday this year.

I have said I'm sorry but I won't be able to come. She is now seriously annoyed at me.

They aren't even actually getting married abroad- they get married when they come back to the UK at a family only event, so I suggested I come to that instead but that was a terrible suggestion! I just don't think it's doable and if I could take a day's leave on the Friday or Monday I would definitely be more likely to go, or even a half day, but a wedding abroad for one night seems ridiculous to me. AIBU or should I put myself out for a good friend like she did for my wedding?

gamerchick Thu 21-Apr-16 20:25:44

Did you get married abroad and expect people to fork out to attend?

EatShitDerek Thu 21-Apr-16 20:25:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 21-Apr-16 20:26:07

She is being a Bridezilla. No, I wouldn't go, in the circs.

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 21-Apr-16 20:27:05

I think people getting abroad have to accept that far fewer people will be able to attend/ afford it. I understand her being disappointed but think she must just be a bit too caught up to realise that she's being unreasonable. But then anyone who turns their wedding into a 4 day overseas event is unreasonable in my book, even more so when the actual wedding is in the UK!

PurpleDaisies Thu 21-Apr-16 20:27:25

She's clearly unreasonable in not understanding that teachers can't take any term time days off. If you choose to have a wedding abroad you accept some people won't come.

Leslieknope45 Thu 21-Apr-16 20:27:35

No I didn't get married abroad but she did have to travel a few hours to get there and she took a day's leave to travel. And she helped us set up the night before. But I didn't ask her to- she was just extremely kind and helpful.

CalleighDoodle Thu 21-Apr-16 20:27:48

You are nit being unreasonable. She is being unbelievably selfish, tight as a gnats arse and self absorbed. Ffs 4 day event without your husband?!

Onlyicanclean10 Thu 21-Apr-16 20:28:09

I personally wouldn't go without my dh.

She sounds a pain sorry

fuck the 4 day event and the expense. Ridiculous and rude to leave your dh out.

Plus 1 is for a gf-bf not a spouse.

SerenityReynolds Thu 21-Apr-16 20:28:42

Can I ask how much she "put herself out for your wedding"? Regardless, you can't decide to get married abroad and then get huffy if people don't want to spend a fortune/use all their holiday to attend! You have to accept that it won't be possible for some, and some (quite justifiably) simply won't want too. YANBU.

MidnightAura Thu 21-Apr-16 20:29:07

I don't think you should go. I think she's crazy expecting you to do that! I wouldn't expect my friends to do that for my wedding.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 21-Apr-16 20:29:13

Yanbu.
You can't choose a wedding with those logistics and expect the full quota of people to attend.

Notfastjustfurious Thu 21-Apr-16 20:29:53

Eh no, that's crazy and it's not even a wedding. Just tell her you can't afford it, she has no right to be annoyed by other people's finances.

ILikeUranus Thu 21-Apr-16 20:30:25

That's ridiculous, I wouldn't go.

SerenityReynolds Thu 21-Apr-16 20:30:51

X-post. YAstillNBU

FuzzyOwl Thu 21-Apr-16 20:31:44

She is probably annoyed because lots of people have said they won't go and now that a close friend (presuming you are) that she was counting on going has declined, she is realising that her wedding isn't going to go to plan. In my experience, lots of people decline weddings that involve expensive travel or their partners/children aren't invited.

In your situation, if it was a good friend of mine, I would apologise that I couldn't go but still buy a nice gift.

witsender Thu 21-Apr-16 20:31:57

Nope, I wouldn't go.

EponasWildDaughter Thu 21-Apr-16 20:32:24

YANBU. IMO anyway.

I think perhaps people get so carried away with happily planning lots of fancy stuff that they forget that when it comes down to it, the guests may not be able to attend.

Leslieknope45 Thu 21-Apr-16 20:32:38

If I were reading this I would just say 'of course YANBU- don't go!' But it's much harder when you can see you're disappointing a close friend.
They have a lot more money than we have and I think maybe they don't necessarily see that they're asking an awful lot. Also I do think more and more that people think 'their day' is something that everyone else should care about.

It's just so uncomfortable.

expatinscotland Thu 21-Apr-16 20:32:46

So what is the go abroad shite about then? It's a fake wedding. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. YANBU.

MakeItRain Thu 21-Apr-16 20:33:35

No YANBU. Sounds too difficult for so many reasons (cost/time/inaccessibility). I think if you get married abroad you have to accept that some/many people won't be able to attend. There's no way I would go in your situation.

BackforGood Thu 21-Apr-16 20:40:00

Of course YANBU.
If people choose to get married abroad, then they have to understand a lot of people won't be able to make it. End of.
Anyone who actually cares for their guests would understand and - maybe be a little bit sad or disappointed, but - just get on with things and meet up for a meal or something with friends after they get back.

Euphemia Thu 21-Apr-16 20:42:12

What nonsense. YANBU.

MissBattleaxe Thu 21-Apr-16 20:48:28

I would actually consider ending a friendship over this bridezillas behaviour. What kind of a friend puts you out, expects your Dh not to go and wants you to use your annual holiday budget to go to a party? Fuck that shit.

Smartiepants79 Thu 21-Apr-16 20:49:35

The sad thing is you do care about her day but they are being very unreasonable in their expectations of other people.
Who has a wedding you don't invite people's husbands to?
She is cleary very disappointed but she is very silly to be upset with you. Even forgetting the cost and logistics the fact that your job doesn't allow you random time off means that it was always going to be unlikely that you could attend.
Wedding stress makes people do the weirdest things.

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