to keep my dds away from this girl

(38 Posts)
justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 21-Apr-16 17:55:33

We moved last year and there is 2 girls who live on the road who are also dds ages. One of the girls is lovely and the other is a manipulative bully. After a big row on tuesday. We are not letting the dds play with the bully anymore and the other girl wasnt allowed to either yesterday. She was blanked by everyone yesterday and was left on her own. I felt bad on her. She is only 8, but with an old head if you know what I mean. So today dds and their friend were playing in the back garden and this girl knocked and came round and manipulated the friend (who didnt want to play with her) to play with her, blaming her behaviour on her being ill and stressed. She tried to get my dds to play. They didnt want to as she upsets them and breaks things they have out of jealousy.

Aibu to keep my dds away from this girl to prevent future upset?

They have 3 other friends on the road who they are happily playing with now. These other girls have all told me thay arent allowed to play with this girl as she has bullied them in the past.

ktmummy1 Thu 21-Apr-16 18:04:35

I think it's only natural to want to protect your child and keep her away from the other child...Id do the same.

janethegirl2 Thu 21-Apr-16 18:13:22

YANBU I did the same with my dc. One little boy was not allowed in my house or garden and my dc avoided him when out and about.

AJ279 Thu 21-Apr-16 18:15:00

WTAF she's 8 and complaining about being stressed?!?

Yanbu

MammaTJ Thu 21-Apr-16 18:32:43

WTAF she's 8 and complaining about being stressed?!?

I find that quite worrying. It suggests that someone in her family is saying that about themselves and cannot be pleasant for the little girl.

Having said that, this little girl's problems should not be taken out on your DD, so YANBU!

CaptainCrunch Thu 21-Apr-16 18:35:19

Your DD will have the sense to manage their own friendships I'm sure.

YouTheCat Thu 21-Apr-16 18:38:18

Natural consequences. If she bullies other children they won't want to play with her.

gamerchick Thu 21-Apr-16 18:38:50

Yeah lets ostracise an 8 yr old... Bravo. hmm she's obviously a little shit and deserves it eh?

Fuxache.

RiverTam Thu 21-Apr-16 18:39:45

I can see why you're concerned for her, happy children don't bully. But looking after your own DDs us your priority. Do you know this girl's family at all?

Ohfourfoxache Thu 21-Apr-16 18:46:56

I feel sorry for the girl, but you have to put your dds first. Yanbu, but it's a shame that it's come to this.

Ohfourfoxache Thu 21-Apr-16 18:48:21

Who said she was a little shit gamerchick confused

srslylikeomg Thu 21-Apr-16 18:49:20

Sounds pretty immature to me.... And I don't mean the kids.

0dfod Thu 21-Apr-16 18:54:11

Why is trying to protect dd from being bullied immature srslylikeomg? hmm

lem73 Thu 21-Apr-16 18:57:00

I can understand why you're doing this. Sometimes kids can sort things out for themselves and sometimes they need a grown up to say that the way a certain child is not acceptable or normal. Such behaviour affects other children's confidence and they may also learn to behave like this. The fact the girl is trying to explain her behaviour by saying she is stressed isn't good. She may have problems at home and there may be a grown up who is excusing her behaviour rather than trying to get rid of the stress/pressure she is dealing with. Very sad but you have no control over that and you need to think of your dcs.

00100001 Thu 21-Apr-16 18:57:02

Can't you send the girl home of she knocks again?

srslylikeomg Thu 21-Apr-16 18:58:15

I'd just expect a little more insight and compassion from an adult. This kind of thing happens, of course you protect your DD or Ds or whatever but to be so invested seems a bit odd to me personally. Starting a thread, talking about manipulation and what other girls on the street are doing. Sounds well bitchy to me.

gamerchick Thu 21-Apr-16 19:00:15

Its the tone.

Adults effectively bullying a young child to teach her a lesson... Nasty!

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 21-Apr-16 19:04:24

srslylikeomg - I dont think protecting my dds is childish in the slightest. This has been going on for weeks and I kept thinking it would get better. Dd1 has been bullied in the past and her self esteem has just recovered. Im not having her treated like this again. She has also tried to cause arguments between my dds. My eldest cam in crying as this girl came to our door and told dh that my dd said 'i hope you die' i know she would never think this let alone say it!

00100001- easier said than done, she lives directly opposite and if the other girls come over to play she stalks them by coming round to our back garden trying to take the other girls away.
If I let them play with her it will happen again. Her language is appalling too, f'ing and blinding in my house last week. She wasnt even angry it just spewed out during a conversation. I couldnt believe it.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 21-Apr-16 19:05:06

It's fine to stop your daughters playing with her.

NanaNina Thu 21-Apr-16 19:06:20

Can I ask the age of your DD and what happened to make you call this child a manipulative bully, which is something of a character assassination. She may well have some problems AS, ADHD, ADD which would explain her behaviour.

I think the fact that she is blanked by the other kids is horrid and you did say you felt bad about that. Can't you talk to her mom and see if there is anything you can do to ensure that the girls can play together without ..........well whatever it was that happened.

My very wise DIL (who is deputy head at a primary school) and has one DD always said that the job of parents is to give their children the skills to cope with bullies and other unpleasant behaviour. My DGD is 16 now and that advice has paid dividends. She is also a very compassionate girl and befriends a girl in her for who has AS whereas the others either bully her or ignore her, though of course that's a form of bullying.

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 21-Apr-16 19:08:23

And you can think im nasty and to invested if u like. Ive tried to stay out of it until now. And the other girls all volunteered this information to me. I didnt ask. And its also pretty hard to not hear whats being said or going on as all the windows have been open due to it being so warm

srslylikeomg Thu 21-Apr-16 19:12:05

I don't think you're nasty - seeing our kids get bullied brings out the tiger in us all! I just think: try to take a step back and have a think about this kid, she's obviously not being guided and she might appreciate you looking out for her too. Easy said I know.

lem73 Thu 21-Apr-16 19:14:07

Just a question Op. What makes you think the problems are all one sided?

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 21-Apr-16 19:14:38

My dds at 8 and 7.
The way she comes round the back of my house and tries to get them to come with her when they dont want to by saying 'come and look at this its amazing' and getting the other girl to say things to them to get them to play when they dont want to. She doesnt give up. Saying shes been stressed and ill as an excuse. Etc etc. The other day my dd2 was starting brownies and had just put her new uniform on. 5 minutes later she flicked her cola ice pop at dd1 ruining her top. Dd was devastated

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 21-Apr-16 19:18:51

No chance talking to her mum. The other girls dad tried yesterday, que massive row.
I know its one sided as there is only ever an argument when she came round and my dds have made lots of friends on the road and have never had this with anyone else. + what the other girls have told me. It all adds up. I did and do feel bad. She is only young but I am not willing to let this happen again.

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