AIBU to object to teenage drinking encouraged by other mums?

(178 Posts)
captainfarrell Thu 21-Apr-16 13:55:01

My DD is under 16. We don't give her alcohol. To our knowledge she doesn't drink elsewhere. This last year her friends have had birthday 'gatherings' at home till about 10pm, parents are home and some girls sleep over. It has come to my attention via a couple of rogue FB pics and from another mum that alcohol has been at these parties. My DD says she hasn't had any but that others have smuggled it in however on a couple of occasions a couple of the mums bought it for the party.Most of the girls are 14 about to turn 15. I am shocked that they encourage this.Lots of teens experiment but supplying it seems a whole other ball game to me. AIBU?

WorraLiberty Thu 21-Apr-16 14:05:38

Yabu to object to other parents giving their own teens alcohol.

Yanbu to not give your own teen alcohol.

I don't find it particularly 'shocking', as different parents have different views on this sort of thing.

As long as no-one's getting drunk/sick etc, or giving alcohol to teens whose parents don't allow it, I can't get fussed over it.

Crispbutty Thu 21-Apr-16 14:05:48

Supplying a few alcopops would be fine by me if the parent was keeping an eye on them. Better in a controlled environment than the girls sneaking it in and no control.

I remember getting horrendously drunk at that age and after a night of throwing up and a bollocking off my mum, it was a long long time before I drank spirits again.

Teenagers are going to start experimenting at that age and I wish I could have been more open with my parents rather than do it behind their backs.

Nabootique Thu 21-Apr-16 14:06:01

I'm on the fence, to be honest. I think it is better for them to experiment with it in a safe environment, rather than in a park or something, but then again to actively encourage it is perhaps not the best idea.

Sirzy Thu 21-Apr-16 14:08:06

I agree with crisp.

oliviaclottedcream Thu 21-Apr-16 14:09:12

I agree, they'll find a way to drink booze, just like we I did at that age. Better it's done in a safe environment .

VoldysGoneMouldy Thu 21-Apr-16 14:11:47

Most kids will have drinks at sleepovers at that age. I'd rather they were doing it safely, with the parents handing out the drinks, than smuggling in a bottle of vodka or something.

araiba Thu 21-Apr-16 14:12:50

i suppose the teenagers could instead be getting pissed in a field somewhere instead- much better

summerroses Thu 21-Apr-16 14:14:21

I agree with you. Parents should inform/ask parents of all guests under 18 if they intend serving alcohol. It isn't their place to make your decision. Also, the only 2 options aren't drink in your home or get pissed under a bush. There is also, don't drink, or at least allow the possibility of not drinking or drinking moderately.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 21-Apr-16 14:16:51

If it was me I would always check with the other parents as I would never ever give someone else's child alcohol. It's plain wrong.

I do agree better in doors than in a field but I dread the day and hope dd doesn't touch a drop till she's 21!! smile

ApocalypseSlough Thu 21-Apr-16 14:20:41

I agree OP, but it's a vanishingly small group of parents who do so.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 21-Apr-16 14:20:50

I think it's pretty normal - my mum was buying my friends and I alcopops at that age - just Smirnoff Ice, WKD or Bacardi Breezers, and it was the same at other people's houses too.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 21-Apr-16 14:21:52

I buy a limited amount of alcohol for my 14yo and his friends, as do their parents.

We have all checked with each other and agreed to how much alcohol is ok.

As it is none of them have had the want or need to go out and get drunk and they all know their limits.

I would never give a teenager alcohol unless I had the permission of their parent.

foragogo Thu 21-Apr-16 14:22:33

I think it's better to introduce it gradually in a home environment and not make it out as something to be done furtively. I plan to let mine have small amounts with meals from 14/15 with and would be happy with them having some beers or alcopops available at a 15th birthday party if it was supervised. That said, I would make it clear in advance to the parents of all invited that that would be the case and I would ask them to discuss it with their children it they were attending and allow/disallow them to have some as they saw fit.

anecdotally, when I was at university, the few people I knew who got seriously messed up on alcohol (one going to rehab at the end of the first term) were children who were not allowed to drink at all at home and had little experience of alcohol before arriving at fresher's week where they went mental. Hence why I plan a more gradual approach.

MistressChalk Thu 21-Apr-16 14:23:09

My parents were brilliant with the alcohol issue when I was a teen, they let me and my friends drink at their house where they could keep an eye on what happened.
It meant I could be open and honest with them about drinking, and on the occasions I did get too drunk when out I wasn't frightened of them finding out and meant I could get help from them. I think most if not all my friends parents were the same so as teens we always had an adult we could contact if anything went wrong or someone got too drunk, which meant we were always safe. We would have drunk anyway, better to do it and know an adult would be there if it went tits up.
At university it became blindingly clear which kids had not been allowed to experiment with alcohol before leaving home, I think it's safer for them to find these things out when they have their parents to hand rather than being miles away with relative strangers.

AppleSetsSail Thu 21-Apr-16 14:25:47

I buy a limited amount of alcohol for my 14yo and his friends, as do their parents.

Are you absolutely insane? WTF?

I'm with you OP, not impressive.

DownstairsMixUp Thu 21-Apr-16 14:32:12

YABU for judging other people's parenting but YANBU for being annoyed. If alcohol was going to be at the house (especially suplied by parents) I'd expect contact from the parents letting me know/asking if it's OK. I've always said when my kids get to about 16 I'd let them have a couple of fruity ciders/beers like I was in my own house but if they had friends over I'd 100% contact the parents of the friends. It's just polite. I know full well some parents don't let their kids touch it full stop and as much as I wouldn't do it that way, I respect that is their way.

captainfarrell Thu 21-Apr-16 14:34:16

Why do they need to drink before 18 though? Why do they need to 'get ready' to drink? We know so much more about alcohol now, as we do about smoking. How many of the alcohol suppliers provide packets of cigarettes for their kids and their friends?

Herewegoagainfolks Thu 21-Apr-16 14:34:43

I find the attitude that "they are all going to do it" very depressing. I wasn't 'pissed in a field' at 14 and neither were any of our friends.

The UK is far too focused on excessive alcohol consumption being 'normal' for adults not just for children.

Alcohol in excessive amounts is really bad for your health and leads to poor decision making on the part of teens.

I see no necessity for 14 year olds to be handed alcohol as if it is indeed normal.

AppleSetsSail Thu 21-Apr-16 14:43:31

I actually found myself extremely curtailed by my parents' efforts to prevent me from drinking alcohol as a teenager. Naturally I managed to find some random beers every now and again but it was pretty tough and I probably was spared some pretty horrible experiences.

WallToWallBastards Thu 21-Apr-16 14:49:10

When I was 15 my mum bought me cider or Lambrini for parties and I learnt my limits and how to drink sensibly very quickly. It's up to you whether you buy it for your child or not but it's very clear from my experience that those of us who were introduced in a controlled way were much more sensible at 18 that those from either extreme who were given spirits quite young and those who had absolutely no exposure beforehand. For me personally, at nearly 20, alcohol wasn't mysterious or exciting and I don't drink anywhere near the excess that some of my peers in their 20s who were never introduced sensibly.

EweAreHere Thu 21-Apr-16 14:55:21

I managed to get through high school without getting drunk in a field.

Getting drunk regularly and expecting that's what kids will want to do for fun are exactly the kind of ideas that need to be gotten over in this country!

MimsyPimsy Thu 21-Apr-16 14:56:29

I agree with Herewego. My DD is 14, and she certainly hasn't been pissed in a field yet! Actually, neither have I... But she did spend a very good evening this week playing on a trampoline at a friend's house.

When did alcohol become so ubiquitous for youngsters? And oldsters? Alcohol isn't banned in our house, but no-one's that interested. I just don't get it, and prefer a nice cup of tea. Even DS 17 hasn't been drunk yet, although he did have a drink once when he was out and thought it tasted "ok". <old square gimmer alert>

EweAreHere Thu 21-Apr-16 14:57:21

WalltoWall, I get that works for a lot of kids/families. But I also knew loads of kids whose parents introduced alcohol at home while they were underage, and they drank heavily at university. It doesn't work for everybody. And brains haven't finished developing yet in the teen years.

TiffanyBonj Thu 21-Apr-16 14:58:00

14 is way too young to start drinking, the way alcohol has been normalised is ridiculous, I know plenty of adults who were allowed to drink at home as teens and just went even further at Uni, and loads who were never allowed a drop of it and only rarely touched it at Uni, I don't believe starting them off gradually makes a difference to their drinking habits, OP you can't stop other parents buying their children Alcohol, you can contact them and let them know that your child isn't allowed it and would they mind making sure she doesn't have any, they're allowed to say no but at least then you can make a fully informed decision about letting her attend.

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