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AIBU?

to think that if you don't RSVP you don't go?

43 replies

BatteryOperatedBoyfriend · 20/04/2016 17:01

Or shall I just look really surprised when they turn up, and not feed them or give them a party.

Or maybe let mums tyres down as its not the child's fault .

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liz70 · 20/04/2016 17:05

No, to my mind not RSVPing would indicate that the invitee intended to turn up to the party, and that if they couldn't attend, then they would have let the host know not to expect them. Just my take on the situation.

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BatteryOperatedBoyfriend · 20/04/2016 17:09

*party bag.

Yes there is that way to look at it, but then people don't RSVP when they don't intend to go either.

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 20/04/2016 17:10

You always RSVP yes or no unless your dc has lost the invitation

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Lifecanonlygetbetter · 20/04/2016 17:28

This used to make me really angry when parents didn't bother to RSVP. First thing to check is that the invite did get home, and then be assertive and ask them yes or no. If a child dropped out at the last minute, my nephew often filled the spare place. But it is really rude of parents who can't be arsed.

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acasualobserver · 20/04/2016 17:33

Perhaps people really can't translate RSVP? Next time write REPLY PLEASE at the bottom of the invitation.

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readytorage · 20/04/2016 21:09

casualobserver these days it wouldn't surprise me if people didn't understand the meaning of rsvp

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TheSnowFairy · 20/04/2016 21:42

I have this too. 9 children invited paintballing @ £25 per head - one mum not even answered my direct email.

I have paid for 8 and if no 9 turns up I will sort it but would be fuming if I'd paid and no show!

But you are right, it's the parents' fault

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BatteryOperatedBoyfriend · 21/04/2016 09:41

Yes, I think that's a good point. Maybe a little passive aggressive, but instead of RSVP at the bottom with my name and phone number I could put - PLEASE REPLY in big letters.

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BatteryOperatedBoyfriend · 21/04/2016 09:42

DH was on ambush duty at the school gates this morning, I think there are only 4 or so to go, that we have not heard from!

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Floggingmolly · 21/04/2016 09:46

Quite a lot of people seem to think like liz70, for some reason, that is; completely misunderstand the purpose of something and put their own individual "take" on it...

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FeralBeryl · 21/04/2016 09:50

Really Liz?
Really? I'm genuinely interested in this theory. Having been on the receiving end of having to pay for an event for lots of people regardless of whether they turn up or not, because they couldn't be arsed replying, I wonder how many people share your view.
Would you not RSVP to a wedding?

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ParanoidGynodroid · 21/04/2016 09:56

YANBU, it's rude and very annoying. I realised I'd forgotten to RSVP once, so we just didn't go.

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Thurlow · 21/04/2016 10:05

No RSVP means Not Coming in my book. It's an invitation not a summons; it would be selfish for the invitor to assume everyone can come, and it would be equally selfish for the invitee to assume the invitor psychically knows what they are up to.

I know people are busy in life but really, you can't spend 10 seconds to send a text or email saying "lovely, thanks we'll be there"?

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chunkymum1 · 21/04/2016 10:07

Personally I think it should be fair to assume that no reply=not attending (but a bit rude or lost the invitation). However, after years of children's parties I've come to accept that some people seem to think it's fine to turn up without replying. If I have parties where there is a charge up-front per head (or where numbers are very limited and DC have other friends they'd like to invite) I now chase up the parents by phone (some seem happy to also ignore texts/e-mails- I assume thinking that then they can decide on the day whether they can be bothered to turn up).

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Floggingmolly · 21/04/2016 10:08

Or use the same 10 seconds to say "thanks but we can't make it"?? It not being a summons doesn't remove basic manners from the equation.

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Lweji · 21/04/2016 10:14

it wouldn't surprise me if people didn't understand the meaning of rsvp

I think it's clear from the thread.

RSVP means "please reply". In French.
People usually don't fail to "please reply". They fail to reply.
Why is there even RSVPing?

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notamummy10 · 21/04/2016 10:22

No RVSP usually means they aren't interested in the event although I think it's a little rude not to say anything if you aren't attending. Unless they've unintentionally forgotten about it and were meant to RVSP to attend, I guess that's an exception!

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MsVestibule · 21/04/2016 10:33

It's a very basic courtesy to reply to an invitation, whether it's a yes or a no! I really can't believe anybody would think otherwise. If somebody didn't reply, I would assume they weren't coming.

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Goingtobeawesome · 21/04/2016 10:36

Bad manners to not RSVP and then turn up.

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Collaborate · 21/04/2016 10:37

If you're going to chase up by email I think it's always worthwhile circulating a list of attendees. That way, if little Tarquin isn't on the list, feckless parent may actually realise they have to put their Pinot Grigio down and text yes or no.

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Pseudo341 · 21/04/2016 10:37

This really winds me up. I can't physically go shopping very easily so do most stuff online which means I have to plan well in advance. I once ended up with 8 spare party bags because I didn't know either way, that's a lot of money to waste. DD recently had an invite with "RSVP by (date)" on it which I think I'll be doing from now on.

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PerspicaciaTick · 21/04/2016 10:41

I have started to put a request for some bit of useless additional information on children's party invitations. Like asking parents to let me know if they are OK with their child watching a PG film, or about food allergies or to give me a contact phone number. It seems to lead to more replies, as though the parents has had to engage their brain and actually think about it.

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Marquand · 21/04/2016 10:46

Just plain rude. If you don't say you are coming, I assume you aren't coming. But with kids' parties I'm an endless bore sending multiple messages.

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parmalilac · 21/04/2016 10:54

Ooh yes, that is rude not to respond at all if someone has sent you an invitation. I agree with other posters though that these days perhaps not everyone knows exactly what RSVP means so maybe it would be better in plain English. If it's a child who shows up for a kids' party then obviously it's not the child's fault, but I would be having a word with the parents about it.

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HelHH · 21/04/2016 10:55

I'm awful at replying to RSVPs for DC's birthday invites. I don't know many of her friend's parents and they just put their phone no. I know it sounds silly, but it's a hurdle for me to phone a stranger, so I put it off. Until the invitation gets buried somewhere. Makes me feel bad, but then lots of people don't respond when I send out invites. I see it as Karma and prepare for full numbers to turn up. Caveat: I would make sure to reply or follow up for replies if it was a booked event where exact numbers are important.