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AIBU?

To have reported my friend (playground assistant) to the school

19 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 20/04/2016 14:34

So a friend stopped me yesterday ptoudly telling me "oh i got x to help your dd with her prefect duty yesterday as i worry that your dd and boy z can't manage"

X Is a girl who has been bullying dd although this is being monitored and handled by the school and dd just avoids x.

To clarify dd has mild sen and her little friend boy z does have more complex needs but they were given this job to do and dd takes her prefect duty seriously.

I am fuming with "friend" she knows there have been issues with this. i pointed this out to her and she said oh it was fine in a dismissive manner.

It wasn't fine. I spoke to dd and whilst the girl wasn't mean dd said she felt uncomfortable and that the ithers jyst played while she tried to tidy the equipment shed.

Spoke to the teacher this morning and now feeling guilty but this undermined my dd's confidence and why ask this child to help??

Dd is very shy and sensitive and i want her to feel safe at school not that the one girl she is petrified off will be put in a situation where insidious bullying can take place.

OP posts:

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OurBlanche · 20/04/2016 14:59

Don't forget to tell your 'friend' that her help was quite disressing and most unhelpful. If she is going to interfere help she needs to remember to get all the info available to her!

MrsMainwaring · 20/04/2016 15:29

I would be really cross . Don't feel guilty

NattyNatural · 20/04/2016 15:42

If be fuming. Seems like it was intentional

MattDillonsPants · 20/04/2016 16:05

I'd also think it was deliberate! Avoid her.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 20/04/2016 16:07

Sounds deliberate if your 'friend' knew about the situation. I think you are right to flag this up with school and I'd be reviewing the friendship too.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 20/04/2016 16:08

Agreed with Natty. She knew that a girl was bullying your DD, acted like your DD couldn't handle her responsibility (Why? due to her SEN?) and so sent in the one person who would make your DD feel uncomfortable at the very least. This woman shouldn't have responsibility over children. She sounds like a bully herself (albeit a very sly one). Either that or she's an inconsiderate buffoon.

GoblinLittleOwl · 20/04/2016 16:11

Your friend was acting in her role as an employed playground assistant; she was there, you weren't. She can use her judgement of the situation.
She was foolish to talk to you about your daughter, but reporting her is out of order.

acasualobserver · 20/04/2016 16:13

Perhaps she imagined she was helping in some way - that this might achieve a reconciliation? Delusions of competence?

TheoriginalLEM · 20/04/2016 16:34

her role is to supervise and not allocate prefect duties. Dd's teacher agreed. She often oversteps the mark and could do with reminding what her role as an employed playground assistant is.

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EweAreHere · 20/04/2016 16:46

I would have said something to the class teacher as well. I might have left where the information came from and focused on the issue that 'X' was picked to 'help' and that your daughter was upset, rather than on who picked her, but it still would have come up.

As a 'playground assistant', she was probably out of order doing what she did and talking to you about it; she knows there are issues but still picked 'X'.

As a 'friend', I'm not sure she's really your friend.

HappyFatty · 20/04/2016 16:49

Urgh. Honestly problems with playground assistants can get really awkward, please be careful how you handle it. This is our experience:
Playground assistant at our DC's old school wouldn't stop her DC bullying other DC's eventually it was our DC's turn and I spoke to the HT who 'had a quiet word' We found out from a friend that this playground assistant had posted really nasty hatespeech on FB which directly related to our DCs, calling them poofters, nancies, devil spawn etc (DP and I are dirty Lesbians) DC's never had a problem at all before this. So anyway she had LOTS of other parents on her FB and our DC's started getting name called by other kids (those exact names) to the point where they didn't want to go to school. It was a horrible time and the HT was zilch help as it didn't happen on school grounds. We moved schools in the end as the DC's were all young. Never had a problem since. As an aside that school is now in special measures. Pfft.

sleeponeday · 20/04/2016 16:49

She doesn't sound like your friend, tbh.

Nor does she sound ideal as a playground supervisor. And that won't only affect your child, so you actually were protecting others by saying something.

As for it "being out of order" - the class teacher is the professional, with the training and overview of what's happening here. She arranged the prefectures, I imagine, and she is trying to manage the bullying - she was having her planning undermined by the supervisor, potentially. She needs the info, IMO.

sleeponeday · 20/04/2016 16:50

Happy that's horrific.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 20/04/2016 16:50

She shouldn't have told you. School support staff are (in 'my' school anyway) frequently reminded that they must not discuss school business with anyone, not even parents. That is the teacher and SMT's responsibility alone.

HappyFatty · 20/04/2016 16:53

Honestly Sleep I have no words for how awful it was. For those weeks my heart broke every morning seeing those 3 red sets of eyes sadly plodding to the car. Oh gods I'm crying now thinking about it. I could never put them through that again ever. We even talked about moving their schools and then living apart so no-one would know and the DC's wouldn't be taunted again, bear in mind we'd been together 15 years at that point. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through as a parent. x

needsadrinky · 20/04/2016 16:58

No you were not wrong I am a midday supervisor in an infant school and what she did by telling you this information broke confidentiality she should not be undermining something that has been agreed by senior staff and should not be making any child feel uncomfortable. You did the right thing how many other children is she discussing outside of her role she needs to be spoken to.
I hope your dd is feeling more confident again very soon

TheoriginalLEM · 20/04/2016 17:00

happy i am really sorry that i have dragged up an awful time for you. It sounds just horrendous.

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HappyFatty · 20/04/2016 18:06

Oh no please don't be sorry! It's taught me how strong we are as a family :) I just wanted to share with you the need for care and also perhaps anonymity from the HT if things go further. xxxx

TheoriginalLEM · 20/04/2016 18:38

am glad you and your family were able to rise above things. the woman you describe sounds positively spiteful. my friend is just abit too big for her boots.

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