and selfish and unsharing,

(119 Posts)
TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 20-Apr-16 11:44:19

Yes I probably am but I just need to vent.

When I was a little kid I loved Art, always had my stuff up on the wall in school etc. In my seventies working class childhood, Art wasn't on anyone's radar: I never had unlined paper to draw on or nice pens or pencils and paints were deemed too messy to be even considered. At high school I was deemed too academic to be allowed to do Art. Yeah I know boo hoo.

So, my own kids have always had plenty of good quality Art materials to mess around with and have actually turned out to be quite talented: one is doing an Art degree, one is doing Art A level.

All this has really resparked my interest and my lovely DH bought me some paper and brushes and a lovely set of watercolours and one of acrylics for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I will confess to spending the odd moment stroking the the box and smiling, but feeling slightly intimidated. I am planning a good mess around when we are on holiday in a few weeks time and my girls are not looking over my shoulder.

Anyhow, last night, DD announced she had an A level painting she really had to finish in college today, and had run out of some of her acrylics and could she take mine to college. I said "No, they are mine and they are lovely". I was firmly told by everyone not to be so selfish and I can get some more.

Now okay, after a bit of a You are so selfish/ No you are so entitled, row, I have backed down and the little madam has taken them off to college without a word of thanks. But I just feel a bit...trampled on, and taken for granted. Like everyone feels everything of mine is just theirs for the asking.

Ah that was cathartic. I am obviously massively unreasonable. Just needed to vent really.

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 20-Apr-16 11:49:46

Yup completely unreasonable. You recognise it though! Did that vent help? smile

PatMustardsBigTool Wed 20-Apr-16 11:51:15

I totally get it! I think it's a mother-child thing, though. Since becoming a mother I've realised how much I used to just assume what was my mum's was mine too blush and expect to have free access to her stuff entitled, moi? , now my own daughter is doing it I feel selfish wanting to keep my stuff to myself (and she's only 2!).
Get some lovely new supplies and enjoy yourself!

blackheartsgirl Wed 20-Apr-16 11:54:12

I know how u feel. Everything I have for myself and believe me it's not much gets borrowed, taken, wrecked lost or destroyed. I give up now. Yanbu I think

BlueJug Wed 20-Apr-16 11:59:24

Not at all unreasonable. Not selfish. It is as if you do not matter.
Maybe I am projecting but I feel that my time, my money, my space, my choices are all irrelevant I am disappearing. So no YANBU.

However it is done now so go ahead and buy new paints and go and use your talent!! Astound them all.

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 20-Apr-16 12:02:08

Yes Blue and part of it is that they are grown now, and I have been giving to them all for 20 odd years. And I just feel I want to get a bit of me back, have something for me now.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 12:03:49

Fuck no, I'd have stood my ground and kept a tight grip on them - they were your present!

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 20-Apr-16 12:05:25

She played the sodding A level card Costa. Top trump and all that sad

SaucyJack Wed 20-Apr-16 12:06:18

What would she have done if you hadn't have had any she could take?

If the answer is that she would have popped into the WH Smiths on the way to college, then I don't think you are being U in expecting her to do that anyway.

If it's either that she uses yours or fails the assignment, then I'd give them to her.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 12:06:54

Still no - if you hadn't had any she'd have had to find another solution

BastardGoDarkly Wed 20-Apr-16 12:08:07

I can completely understand that

They were a present, so going out and buying yourself new ones won't be the same either

Also, what would she have done if you hadn't had them?

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 20-Apr-16 12:08:33

Really Costa? See, to me that is selfish. The paints were need for an important piece of coursework, yet you'd say no? They will be replaced before the op would even have used them. I don't really get the issue.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 12:10:58

Ok it's selfish, I can live with that. I still wouldn't hand them over if they were special to me

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 20-Apr-16 12:11:28

Nah bus from our house to college. No shops nearby. There is an Art shop at college but apparently unreliable as to opening "and the college supplied paints are really crap". Her excuse for not anticipating this is that she's had mocks all week.

I reckon she's had her eye on them since I unwrapped them though. "Oooh! Why have you bought those for Mum."

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 12:12:01

And if it's A levels, and so important, perhaps she could be a bit better organised

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 12:12:33

Oooh! Why have you bought those for Mum."

There we go!

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 20-Apr-16 12:14:14

Costa You are hard core, we need you to start running a self help group or something.

MrsBobDylan Wed 20-Apr-16 12:14:20

Yanbu -

gleam Wed 20-Apr-16 12:15:16

YANBU. I can see why she asked and why you let her have them, but it must have been such a wrench. Like you can't ever have anything that's just yours. flowers

MrsBobDylan Wed 20-Apr-16 12:15:23

Yanbu. And the fact she didn't say thanks means I'd not share next time either.

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 20-Apr-16 12:15:57

Oh give over! You think she'd put a time important piece in jeopardy just to try out your paints?! grin

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 12:17:48

Yep - well 'ard core megrin

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 20-Apr-16 12:18:29

I think she assumed Paul that I would hand them over. And she was right wasn't she?

Grilledaubergines Wed 20-Apr-16 12:19:57

YANBU. I'm at the point now of saying constantly 'if it doesn't belong to you, you don't even touch it'. Sick of sharing. I've shared everything for my whole life and I'm fed up of it now!

If it's not returned to you in a good state, I think you should ask for it to be replaced.

SaucyJack Wed 20-Apr-16 12:21:16

Would it be practical for you to drive her to a shop so she can buy her own?

The more I read, the more I think you should take a gentle stand.

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