to think men and woman can be just friends?

(41 Posts)
wheresthel1ght Tue 19-Apr-16 21:20:52

I might be being exceptionally naive however have just had a very bizarre conversation with a friend and am now questioning if I am being stupid or if she really is being unreasonable.

15 years ago I worked for a company that had several sites around the world but their main production and research facility was uk based. 2 factories, 1 in London and 1 in the Midlands. I worked in the Midlands office but spent most of my time working with colleagues in our London office. Several used to be at our site at least 2 nights a week. Here was a group of us who used to go out for meals/drinking and dancing in the local club. Mix of men and women, single and married. Nothing ever more than friends having a good night out.

I left the company many years a go but have always stayed in touch with A couple of the guys from the London office. Every so often they are still in my local city for meetings etc and will text or call to see if I am free. We all have spouses/partners and all have kids. Today I received such a message from one of the guys.

My female friend has now messages asking if I am free on the same night as my male friend is in town so I have told her I'm not as I have plans with male friend. She has basically accused me of being a Trollope and said one/other of us is obviously interested in sex as that is the only reason we would meet up and she is disgusted my partner has agreed to me going out.

My partner has never met this guy. however I have talked about him, he has rung when dp is about, dp is fully aware of the friendship and the history and it has never occurred to him to be jealous or suspicious.

Dp is going away for a weekend on June with a mix of male and female friends, I am not going as it is related to his hobby which quite frankly bores me to tears! It would never occur to me to stop him or be suspicious.

So Aibu to think my friend has lost the plot and that men and women can actually be platonic friends??

ProcrastinatorGeneral Tue 19-Apr-16 21:23:48

She's judging you by her own standards. Ignore her.

VoldysGoneMouldy Tue 19-Apr-16 21:24:41

Friend has indeed lost the plot. Though honestly I wouldn't be at all impressed with anyone who is supposed to be my friend firstly implying I was untrustworthy, and suggesting I need 'permission' from a partner to go out.

HeffalumpHistory Tue 19-Apr-16 21:25:03

Apologies, only skimmed the post but yanbu that men & women can have purely platonic relationships. Of course they can. Makes me hmm at people who think otherwise.
Meeting a male friend of many years this week. We live about 300 miles apart so catch up a couple of times a year, text/call fairly regularly.
DP has never met friend but has no issues & fully aware of when we meet up as there is nothing & has never been anything more to it than friendship

sonlypuppyfat Tue 19-Apr-16 21:27:09

All I'm saying is no I don't think men and women can be proper friends

sunnydayinmay Tue 19-Apr-16 21:28:47

Course they can. Some of my best friends are men.

TradGirl Tue 19-Apr-16 21:29:19

YANBU, especially with longstanding friendships. I always think that if anything non-platonic was going to happen, it would have happened early on. BUT I did lose one male friend because his wife was antsy round me. I think there was a little bit of chemistry between us but we'd had numerous chances to get together and never did because it would have been a bad idea for many reasons. It annoyed me that she didn't seem to trust us to control ourselves in spite of having had ten years to jump on each other before she ever came on the scene!

JassyRadlett Tue 19-Apr-16 21:29:30

All I'm saying is no I don't think men and women can be proper friends

Why?

I think that's a really sad way to think.

OP, in my experience the answer is a resounding yes. Some of my best mates are men.

RudeElf Tue 19-Apr-16 21:30:27

confused of course they can. Otherwise gay men could have no male friends and lesbians no female friends and bisexual people would be very lonely indeed. Anyone who thinks men and women cant be friends leads a very sheltered life. I feel sorry for them.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 19-Apr-16 21:31:23

YANBU OP. Your friend however is B all kinds of U.shock

sonlypuppyfat Tue 19-Apr-16 21:34:29

I think you can be friendly with men and enjoy their company but proper going out together as mates, no

ProcrastinatorGeneral Tue 19-Apr-16 21:36:16

Then you live a sad life sonly as you avoid half the planet for the sake of daft attitude. Sucks to be you.

janethegirl2 Tue 19-Apr-16 21:36:48

I'm friends with both men and women and have no desire to sleep with any of them. We are just mates who like each other and have a laugh together.

Seryph Tue 19-Apr-16 21:37:08

YADNBU of course you can have male friends! Anyone who says otherwise is very daft.

I'm bisexual, so does that mean I can't be friends with anyone apart from my (male) DP?

Trooperslane Tue 19-Apr-16 21:37:56

I'm still friends with lots of my uni/work colleagues. Who. Are. Boys.

I am no more interested in them than the man on the moon, cause, you know, we are friends and I am married and usually they are too. The only man I am interested in having sex with is DH.

Do I think I'm so irresistible that they want to shag me/can't resist me? Ha hahahaha.

Your friend is INSANE.

Trooperslane Tue 19-Apr-16 21:39:53

Oh yeah. Forgot about my WOMEN friends.

Should I be avoiding my gay female friends then?

hmm

(Sorry I'm in a take no shite mode tonight after a strange day)

MrsMook Tue 19-Apr-16 21:40:12

One of my best friends is male. I actually matched him up to his wife. He's one of DH's best friends too mutually through the same circle of friends. When he was single, on several occasions he had annual leave to use and I was free on school holidays while DH was busy, so we went of hiking and camping together as we were both free.

No chemistry between us, we're just good friends that share a hobby and happen to be of the opposite sex.

wheresthel1ght Tue 19-Apr-16 21:43:37

Thank god I thought I was about to get flamed for not seeing the issue!!

Sonly can I ask why you feel that way?

And yes said friend is batshit over a variety of things! She has a very old fashioned outlook on all sorts of random things - think women wearing trousers etc. But she is genuinely lovely normally!

wheresthel1ght Tue 19-Apr-16 21:45:51

I daren't tell her that I once spent a week in Dublin with a male friend after his marriage collapsed and my fiancé ditches me for someone else. We even shared a hotel room (twin beds) cos the hotel screwed up the booking and then had no other rooms available!

Oysterbabe Tue 19-Apr-16 21:46:58

TLDR but yes of course they can.

I did a male-dominated subject at uni, worked a decade in a male-dominated field, and am currently doing a male-dominated hobby.

Unsurprisingly, a large number of my friends are male (I'm married).

It's never really been a problem for me; but since I've joined MN, I have learned the term 'emotional affair', and struggled with knowing the difference between that and having a close male friend. To be fair, I'm not fantastic with social cues and norms at the best of times.

I dunno, I think if you asked in Relationships you'd get a different answer.

Certainly, my DM is very big on, 'But what does DH think about you talking to him/going there/drinking that?' hmm

Mysteryfla Tue 19-Apr-16 21:48:38

Of course they can. I've had a couple of good male friends for close to 45 years.

wheresthel1ght Tue 19-Apr-16 21:52:04

Boulevard - my DM is the same! although ironically when my exh accused me of sleeping with a male friend she gave him a huge lecture about it being possible for men and women to be friends!

UmbongoUnchained Tue 19-Apr-16 21:53:17

My closest most dear friend is a man.

wheresthel1ght Tue 19-Apr-16 21:56:52

To be honest most of my friends are blokes! I have 3 close female friends and then batshit friend. We aren't as close but she is normally a lovely person. Not sure she appreciated me telling her I thought she was bonkers and that I had never and would never as k permission to see my friends and if dp even hinted he wasn't going to "allow" it then he would be out the door wth his bags packed before he knew who had hit him!!

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