friend staying over

[PrincessPeachy29]

I have a friend I've known for over 20 years. We are close but she had behaved erratically in the past but I usually forgive and forget because she has mental health issues and her behaviours often seem to stem from that.

So the problem I've got is on the last two occasions I've arranged to meet her for dinner (on her suggestion) she has turned up without her purse (only once but she does like expensive restaurants and doesn't work) and then said she doesn't have anywhere to stay that night and can she crash at mine putting me on the spot as my partner for various reasons isn't keen on her.

She doesn't live in the city where I do but used to. She had to move home because she lost her job. I think she tells me she's in my city but actually comes without accommodation and springs it on me last minute. She tells me she's staying with her cousin but I don't know if I believe her. She wants to meet next weekend what can I say when/if she asks to stay? She knows we have a spare room and knows all my friends and family so it's difficult to lie.

[Gizlotsmum]

I would meet but make it clear your not able to put her up for the night. Could you be in the middle of decorating/ partner have a work deadline?

[sonjadog]

Take cash with you for dinner. Then you can't sub her. Also tell her that you would like to see her, but you and your partner are planning a busy day the next day so will be heading home for an early night.

[sonjadog]

Also, arrange to meet her somewhere near her cousin's, so that she doesn't have so far to go home afterwards....

[whois]

"Great, looking forward to dinner. Make sure you've got accommodation sorted tho cos I can't put you up that weekend, soz. Do you want to pick the restaurant? Just realised you didn't transfer cash after you forgot your purse last time - do you want to transfer or shall we just even up by this being your shout?"

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

You meet her for lunch, not dinner and you mention that you're only bringing enough cash with you to pay for yourself. Doesn't matter if that last part is not true.

People who are short of cash because they have lost their job and do not work do not go out for dinner without their purse/wallet. Most don't go out for dinner at all unless it's clear that they are being treated beforehand.

Poor mental health is not a good enough excuse for being a scrounger and imposing yourself on those who are unwilling.

[coconutpie]

I would say tell her that since you picked up the bill last time, that you assume she is picking up the bill this time. Also, tell her she can't stay - make up an imaginary guest if you must. I can see why your DP doesn't like her - she sounds like a user tbh.

[ilovesooty]

I don't think I'd want to go out with her at all.

[Pixienott0005]

What Whois said!

[Queenbean]

Whois's message is perfect