Infuriated. MIL gave DS his first hair cut!

(193 Posts)
trulyscrumptious33 Sat 16-Apr-16 07:48:12

I am raging.

One year old DS was being looked after by my MIL yesterday whilst I was at work. Upon my return, I notice that his hair looked a bit different. He has (well...had) a head full of curls, particularly around the sides and back, but I thought perhaps she had dried it patting the curls down so didn't think much more of it.

Until I went to the bathroom.

On top of the toilet was a pile of his curly locks. She had taken it upon herself to give him his first hair cut without asking me.

When she realised I was in the bathroom, she persistently called me to help her with something, was an obvious attempt at trying to distract me before I saw the evidence.

I picked up a lock for the baby book (and to give as evidence when I got back home to DH), and exited the bathroom rather in shock.

I didn't confront her (she is a very difficult character and confrontations are not the best way to deal with her). In the 5 minutes I remained she did not confess nor offer a lock from his first hair cut for keepsakes.

I rang DH on the way home rather aghast, he hit the roof!

Can you believe she would do that?! I am devastated that his beautiful head of curls are depleted to a remaining few, and that she took away a 'first' from us.

WWYD?

wornoutboots Sat 16-Apr-16 07:50:23

WWID? she'd never be looking after him again!

CodyKing Sat 16-Apr-16 07:51:59

What has DH done about it?

ScoutsMam Sat 16-Apr-16 07:52:35

I'd find different childcare.

Fairylea Sat 16-Apr-16 07:52:49

I'd have said something then and there. She was totally out of order and sounds like she knew it too by trying to get you away from the bathroom.

I'd tell her you're very upset she's cut his hair and it's not up to her to do so and please don't do it again!

Catsize Sat 16-Apr-16 07:53:00

I was upset that my partner cut off the matted dreadlocks cut my daughter's hair for the first time without me being there/knowing. With this I would be angry

topcat2014 Sat 16-Apr-16 07:53:30

Hair does grow again though? All this 'firsts' stuff is a bit over-rated in my view.

Frazzled2207 Sat 16-Apr-16 07:54:57

I would be raging.

MumUndone Sat 16-Apr-16 07:55:28

Shave all her hair off whilst she's adleep.

yorkshapudding Sat 16-Apr-16 07:55:40

I wouldn't be leaving him with her again for a start. What was she thinking? It's a bizarre thing to do in the first place but to not mention it to you it is even stranger, did she seriously think you wouldnt notice??

I understand what you mean about confrontation (my own MIL is similar) but your DH needs to confront her about this. It shouldnt be left to you. She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she has crossed a line and that you're both very upset.

MumUndone Sat 16-Apr-16 07:56:01

asleep

PeppaIsMyHero Sat 16-Apr-16 07:57:08

If you want to maintain a relationship with her, you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel.

I remember when I got my DS's hair cut for the first time and all his curls were gone and it was really upsetting, so I can imagine how you feel at someone else having done that without your permission.

Creampastry Sat 16-Apr-16 07:58:57

Have you not called her out yet? You must or else she will think she can get away with this sort of shit. Take a stand NOW.

Swissgemma Sat 16-Apr-16 07:59:43

I would be livid and would've blown my top then and there. I remember when I was young I had waist length hair. My grandma (mums's mil) hated it. On more than one occasion she had my great uncle Jim, a barber give it a chop (hack job). Apparently I "showed him pictures and begged for a cut" I remember tears! My mum lost it every time and banned visits for a while.

RubyGates Sat 16-Apr-16 08:00:58

My mother did this to Big Son. He had long hair wich he wore in a plait neatly to school (he was 5 or 6) . My mother hated it (and indeed hated anything which subverted the gender binary in any way shape or form) and so, while she was looking after him, despite the fact that I'd speciffically told her NOT to do it, of course she did. I was furious.

But she has form. She sold my puppy while I was at my Saturday job, sent my brother back to the adoption society , and chucked me out when I was 17 because she was worried about "what the neighbours would think".

We have a very difficut relationship. In fact, thinking about it I haven't been in contact at all this year.

What your mother did shows a complete lack of respect for you, and your son, and suggests the kind of contempt that means that this is only the thin end of the wedge. I wouldn't trust her ever again. (I realise that my story makes me slightly less tolerant of this sort of Sh*t than most, but I think my point still stands.)

eurochick Sat 16-Apr-16 08:02:15

I can't believe you didn't say anything! This is how this kind of person gets away with bad behaviour.

CoraPirbright Sat 16-Apr-16 08:02:32

How on earth did she think that was ok?? Not surprised you are raging. I would be too. Has your dh contacted her?

ProcrastinatorGeneral Sat 16-Apr-16 08:04:00

I would have calmly got the scissors and snipped a bit of her hair, but I am volatile.

She needs telling she was stupid and a bitch. I'd never leave my child with her ever again.

Wellthatsit Sat 16-Apr-16 08:04:25

I am with Topcoat that 'firsts' are overrated.

However, your MIL clearly has no boundaries and wants control. I wouldn't be cutting contact but you do need to let her know that it's not up to her whether DS gets a haircut.

dementedma Sat 16-Apr-16 08:04:33

It's a weird thing to do but not really getting the angst. It will grow back. I can't even remember things like this as "firsts" so not a big deal for me.
ruby sent your brother back to the adoption centre???shock

Ohsotired123 Sat 16-Apr-16 08:06:11

For me it wouldn't be about his first haircut. It's YOUR child, you lose control over a lot when someone else is caring for your child and when and where their hair is cut shouldn't be one of them. It isn't up to her. I'd have kicked off there and then as that is totally out of order. What will she take upon herself to do next that she thinks needs changing it tidying up? Dumb bitch.

BoboBunnyH0p Sat 16-Apr-16 08:06:29

Defiantly confront her or better still have DH do it. Find alternative childcare for a while. This is very out of order. My DS has hair on the longer side for a boy and my mum always comments it needs a cut, but she wouldn't dare dream of doing it.

MingZillas Sat 16-Apr-16 08:08:36

Fucking hell she MASSIVELY overstepped a line there. I can't believe she thought it was ok to do that. I wouldn't let her look after him again.

VegasIsBest Sat 16-Apr-16 08:09:40

I can see why you're upset. I really don't understand why you didn't say something at the time. In my experience dealing with people whether they are 'difficult' or not, it's best to be clear and straightforward about your own views. Be assertive!

I'd be ringing her up today to say that I'm really shocked she's done this. Explain you didn't say anything at the time as you were shocked. And just ask why she did it. Then explain your views. Don't pussy foot around because she's 'difficult'.

LagunaBubbles Sat 16-Apr-16 08:11:51

It's really weird and shows she doesn't have any boundaries or basically just doesn't care. I think MILs generally get a hard time on here for things that aren't really that bad but I don't understand how anyone could think this was an ok thing to do. And for me it's not really about firsts either - but simply it's not her decision whether your DS should have a hair cut it not! But I really don't get - no matter how difficult you say she is - why you haven't said anything at all!!!confused

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