Just wondering

(10 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Fri 15-Apr-16 15:03:12

recently just realised that my older DB who I always really respected and liked actually isn't a nice person at all and neither is my SIL who I always used to really got on with, AIBU to be sad about this? Has anyone else had this with any sort of family member?

cjt110 Fri 15-Apr-16 15:06:16

Yes. I worshiped the ground my paternal grandparents walked on. Even though my Mum had told me things about how they had treated her and other people - although she never discouraged any relationship and let me make up my own mind. It was sad when I realised exactly who they were.

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 15-Apr-16 15:09:55

cjt I have the opposite, my parents adore my DB as did my grandparents, aunts etc we have always been extremely close and I have also always felt close with SIL, recently though in the last year or 2 I noticed that actually their true colours are not nice, they are very very selfish people and after 28years of always looking upto him I'm now starting to except that actually I don't like him and if he was just a friend I would have distanced myself alooooong time ago.

CaptainCrunch Fri 15-Apr-16 15:17:20

Yup. I thought my sister and her husband were the bees knees for years but it turns out they're actually cunts.

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 15-Apr-16 15:19:05

Captaincrunch, I couldn't have said it better grin

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 15-Apr-16 15:20:56

Captaincrunch how did you handle this with a sibling? When we see them I'm just polite but I suppose distant and quiet but then I'm accused of being rude and ignoring them

Capricorn76 Fri 15-Apr-16 15:24:12

DH had this with his DSis and DBil. They are a fair bit older than him and he idolised his DBil in particular but as he grew older the scales fell from his eyes and he realised they were both nasty racists, DBil in particular is a holocaust denier. DBil is also a misogynistic bully. They home school their children to protect them from 'liberal' values. Most of DH's family keep their distance from DBil.

CaptainCrunch Fri 15-Apr-16 15:25:59

Until Monday I hadn't seen her for 3 years and him for 5. Inevitably it was a family funeral which brought us together. We were all civil and superficially pleasant to each other but that's as far as it goes. I've grown a hard shell where they're concerned.

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 15-Apr-16 15:30:37

I suppose it's difficult because we are a very close family and I'm the only one the seems to have a problem. It's probably because I put them both up onto a pedestal for so long as their also a fair few years older than me. Over the last 5/6 months there's been a massive decline in our relationship which I've told them both i feel sad about which has fallen on deaf ears and after anoner big argument yest I feel like I can finally see who they really are and I don't like them.

Birdsgottafly Fri 15-Apr-16 15:40:10

I thought a young relative was just very damaged and mixed up, but as the years past and she's picked and chose what counselling she did (based on if they agreed with her and was all 'there, there'), it's come to light that she a very nasty individual, that uses people. We all have her another chance, but there will never be contact again.

I've had friends that I've dropped, because they've been ignorant about MH/SN issues, or Racist.

I have limited contact and say outright that I don't want certain topics bringing up, or I leave, with a very close relative I can't always avoid.

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