To set a deadline on the end of my relationship

(15 Posts)
Kiddiewinks2008 Thu 14-Apr-16 19:58:06

Am very unhappy with DH- there are lots of problems for which we are trying to find counselling.
But I feel like in my head/heart I have reached the point where I need a deadline- I'm at the end of my tether after 17 yrs and need to know that there can be an end.
We have holidays booked with the DC and I dont want to let my children down but I feel I need a 'if counselling hasnt worked' I want out by the end of the year. Is that unreasonable?
I feel a bit desperate as homelife is so bad and we can't agree on anything at all- not even the colour of loo roll!

hesterton Thu 14-Apr-16 20:00:10

No, not unreasonable. You sound rational and sensible. I hope things all work out one way or another. flowers

PPie10 Thu 14-Apr-16 20:01:58

Yanbu, that sounds very reasonable and there is enough notice for this to happen.

creativevoid Thu 14-Apr-16 20:02:01

Are you going into counselling with a genuinely open mind and willing to make the effort to make it work? Or do you feel like it's something you "should" do so you can do what you really want to do and leave? If the latter I wouldn't waste the time, money snd your husband's goodwill and I would just end it.

Snapandcrackle Thu 14-Apr-16 20:04:11

Loo roll should always be white

Kiddiewinks2008 Thu 14-Apr-16 20:07:39

I do feel like we 'should' try counselling for the sake of the kids- I want to know that if it does end, we tried everything to sort it out. But also I am not sure I even love my DH anymore either!

Kiddiewinks2008 Thu 14-Apr-16 20:08:18

Ha ha snapcrackle wink

Snapandcrackle Thu 14-Apr-16 20:11:18

The first question they will ask in counselling is do you love each other.

TubbyTabby Thu 14-Apr-16 20:14:19

nah, fuck it - its over.
do what you have to do first, and then set about finishing it.
some things just never come unstuck and its ok sometimes to stop trying.

londonrach Thu 14-Apr-16 20:15:14

Just a quick question here...do toilet paper comes in different colours? Have i missed something?

Optimist1 Thu 14-Apr-16 20:17:42

I'm a great believer in setting deadlines - in dark times you remind yourself that this is not going to last forever whilst at the same time giving the problem your best shot. Whether or not you keep your deadline to yourself or pre-warn your husband is entirely up to you - when I was in the same position I made it clear to him that the relationship was in jeopardy but didn't tell him the date I'd mentally set.

( Snapandcrackle speaks wise words!)

Theladyloriana Thu 14-Apr-16 20:56:18

Having had two bouts of relationship counselling with exh, we were never once asked if we currently loved each other.

Chinks123 Thu 14-Apr-16 21:01:21

Yes they do londonrach we always go for white, (OH has never expressed an opinion over the colour of loo roll) but my nans has always been pink.

Anyway sorry OP, I think it's a good idea to set deadlines. Mine was my bd, I said to myself "If things aren't better by then I'll go" in honestly I did keep pushing that deadline back, and in the end the relationship got back on track. But only you know if it is a dead loss and needs to be ended.

Sorry that was rubbish confusing advice blush

Silvercatowner Thu 14-Apr-16 21:08:32

Counselling isn't just glue to fix a broken relationship. Very often, relationship counsellors will mediate a couple breaking up, if that is the best thing for that situation. And counsellors tend not to ask about 'love' because it means different things to different people.

ForTheSakeOfFuck Thu 14-Apr-16 21:58:09

Imagine yourself five years from now. What is the best scenario you can envision? (Feel free to keep this to yourself.) That ideal future might help to give yourself some insight into where you want to be. Then it's just a case of taking each step, one at a time, till you get there.

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