11 year old acting too old

(106 Posts)
Rocco14 Wed 13-Apr-16 21:58:58

My 11 year old daughter is very mature, both physically and mentally, she is on instagram and I've made sure her account is private and I'm added so I can see what she's posting, I'm not happy with her pouty pictures, one of them makes her look about 18, I don't want her to feel ashamed of her looks but don't know how to talk to her about it, I'm also worried about pics her friends have on there, one of her friends has a pic of her blowing up a condom, Aaarghhhhhh I don't know what to do! If I ban her from social media I'm going to turn her into that wierd kid who didn't have a telly at home, help!!!!

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 22:00:15

Have no idea why you would allow her to be on instagram.

TeenAndTween Wed 13-Apr-16 22:04:14

Don't allow her on instagram.
Or facebook
and definitely not snapchat.

11yos are not mature enough to use social media safely.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Apr-16 22:05:57

11 is too young for Instagram. There is a reason it is 13 age limited. And that is too young as far as I am concerned.

MsJamieFraser Wed 13-Apr-16 22:07:24

you have one choice really and that's to stop her from being on Instragram. You cannot control what her friends post

Mishaps Wed 13-Apr-16 22:07:45

I agree. Bin it.

CocktailQueen Wed 13-Apr-16 22:07:58

Today dd received a dm on Instagram from a boy asking for a 'photo of her tits.' She is 12.

Delete Instagram.

Notcontent Wed 13-Apr-16 22:08:03

Agree with the other posters.

Also, where is she getting these ideas from? Does she have older friends?

Rocco14 Wed 13-Apr-16 22:09:34

Well everyone her age that I know use it, including much more strict friends of mine, She's not on Facebook or Snapchat

Fanfeck Wed 13-Apr-16 22:10:11

Get rid of it asap

coffeeisnectar Wed 13-Apr-16 22:10:40

I agree that she needs to be rid of Instagram until she's older.

Talk to her. Tell her that she's 11 and that she's not mature enough to be coping with the perils of the internet and peer pressure at her age.

Where on earth did her friend get a condom from? I'd be worrying about her friendship group as well if this person is the same age and at her school.

Have you had the 'not everyone is who they say there are online' chat? Because you need to. And you need to explain that nothing is private online. That whatever she posts will be there forever. And she can't stop things being copied or shared and if she even posts one photo she regrets it will haunt her.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Apr-16 22:12:07

Well my SIL's 11 yo DD is now banned because her friend was posting bikini pictures publicly. So you can parent according to 'everyone does it' or make your own decisions.

AnyFucker Wed 13-Apr-16 22:15:54

Who is the grown up here ? confused

Titsywoo Wed 13-Apr-16 22:19:12

My 11 year old is not on Instagram although I know some of the 9 year olds in my DS's class are on it. I won't allow it and think the parents who do are pretty naive to the realities of social media to be honest. DD has a mobile for texting, calling and a few apps. She can contact her friends using that - photos on the internet are not necessary.

mudandmayhem01 Wed 13-Apr-16 22:19:18

My 12 year old isn't on instagram, she asked me and I said no. She hasn't become a social pariah. One friend isn't allowed a smartphone yet, they all take turns at dinner time to let the phoneless girl catch up/ play games. Don't automatically believe that every child has everything and is allowed to do everything!

Rocco14 Wed 13-Apr-16 22:20:38

Oh wow !! I thought I was in the middle ground of strictness, I feel like a completely irresponsible parent now after seeing all these responses!

EatShitDerek Wed 13-Apr-16 22:22:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsmine Wed 13-Apr-16 22:24:41

'there is a reason it is 13 age limited'

And that reason is regarding data stored on dc , as stated on here time and time again. They don't do it because some dc post inappropriately.

I believe if monitored and guided Instagram is a good way for dc to learn how to behave on social media. I give dc strict 'rules', I do random checks and if there's any swearing or dodgy behaviour I address it. The dc who have all kind of inappropriate stuff are the ones who's deluded parents believe they should have privacy.

I'm not a social media fan but realise it's here to stay, all ours started at 11yrs, using Instagram sensibly to share photos with family and friends only. No need for 500 followers or swearing. If any of their pals behave like arses I tell them to block, which they do if they want WiFi or phones topping up grin

ForTheSakeOfFuck Wed 13-Apr-16 22:31:24

In the strongest possible terms, please get her off it. It takes minutes - literally minutes - for things to go irreversibly wrong on platforms like that. As part of my job I deal with online predation. In the last case I dealt with the child tried to commit suicide after being coerced into sending revealing material. She was 12 and from the time of receiving the first message to sending the first compromising picture, it was under ten minutes. Please get her off it immediately.

MattDillonsPants Wed 13-Apr-16 22:33:14

OP don't feel bad. A lot of girls in my 11 year old DDs old class were on Instagram but not ALL. DD luckily had no interest....she said the odd thing was that many of these girls thought that Facebook was the very devil but Instagram was fine.

Itsmine Wed 13-Apr-16 22:34:46

'She was 12 and from the time of receiving the first message to sending the first compromising picture, it was under ten minutes. Please get her off it immediately'

Or, alternatively you teach safeguarding and monitor their use.

MattDillonsPants Wed 13-Apr-16 22:39:07

Itsme I agree with you there but really...when you combine peer pressure with hormones then they'll often do silly things. Why not remove the opportunity until they are mature enough.

NewLife4Me Wed 13-Apr-16 22:50:05

It's a nightmare.
Everytime I delete it, dd will just open another account.
All her friends are on it at school and it creates all kinds of problems.
I know the easy thing to do is remove the phone but that's impossible.
You can't control what others post and we have had another message from school today where dd and another had been involved in inappropriate language.
I'm not sure that teaching safeguarding helps that much tbh, they aren't mature enough to be responsible for their actions or see long term consequences.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Apr-16 22:50:51

Or, alternatively you teach safeguarding and monitor their use. But like everything else, tweens can be foolish, naive or just plain contrary.

MattDillonsPants Wed 13-Apr-16 22:53:24

NewLife what would happen if you just removed her device? That's what I'd do if school emailed me to say inappropriate language had been used.

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