To not want to give away/lend any baby clothes or toys

(62 Posts)
InlandTiger Sun 10-Apr-16 08:38:03

Relatives and friends keep hinting and one asked outright, saying she will give everything back when we need them again. I said no.

I just don't like the thought of them being used by another baby! It seems unhygenic. I don't want someone else's baby getting sick/poo/wee/dribble on them, plus general wear and tear.

We plan to TTC again in 2-3years. Baby is 8months. For now I'd rather pack and store everything (including all outgrown clothes, toys, jumparoo, pram, Bumbo, crib, steriliser, bath etc).

Relatives think this is mean but I bought everything new and would like to keep them in good condition. If I lent things out I'd be inclined to get rid of them when returned and get everything new again.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

Barmaid101 Sun 10-Apr-16 08:40:34

My lo is 19 months and I can't bear to get rid of anything. I have only leant out my perfect prep but by time I get round to the next one my friend will be done with it.
There is nothing wrong with saying no.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 10-Apr-16 08:42:43

If you don't want to lend them out that's absolutely fine.

bigbarns Sun 10-Apr-16 08:42:46

No - yanbu. It's your stuff, you've paid for it, just pack it away and have done with it. Family might be a bit miffed but they've also been quite cheeky to ask.
I've lent stuff in the past and stuff doesn't come back in the same condition - because of this I didn't ever lend favourite outfits or toys.
If there are things you don't really think you'll use again could you perhaps offer those?

Witchend Sun 10-Apr-16 08:42:46

Just say you're saving the stuff for your next baby and so you don't want to lend out stuff.

JuxtapositionRecords Sun 10-Apr-16 08:44:09

Very rude to ask - who does that?? Tell them to buy their own stuff ffs.

Muskateersmummy Sun 10-Apr-16 08:44:26

Is there not a compromise here? Can you not hold back some of the stuff (like the jumperoo etc) which will be very costly to replace and maybe some of the clothes which are extra special to you. And then give/loan other bits that your less bothered about to your friend.

I know lots of people who have things that have moved along the line to family members and then back again when they get pregnant again. Our Moses basket had done all of my brothers children and many of their nieces and nephews before being used for our dd and returned to my brother and SIL for other family members children.

Things get cleaned so I really don't get the unhygienic thing. You would wash them yourself before using on a new baby. Wear and tear, OK I see that, but most people would then replace something they had "borrowed" if it became worn or broken.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 10-Apr-16 08:44:36

Just say no you don't want to lend anything.

LeonoraFlorence Sun 10-Apr-16 08:47:40

Not at all. I have 4 DDs with a small age gap and whilst I'm delighted to pass on things I definitely won't reuse (for example, we bought a new double pram so gave away our first two prams, including a double), I would never offer things I'd want back. I recently gave away two Moses baskets and the recipient (the daughter in law of an acquaintance of my mother) was extremely grateful. There was no expectation though.

SummerHouse Sun 10-Apr-16 08:48:33

I lent and borrowed everything. Your choice.

Pisssssedofff Sun 10-Apr-16 08:48:44

I think it does depend what it is .... Baby grows, vests etc I wouldn't lend out because it only takes one accident that's nobody's fault and they are ruined, people won't replace those for you. The bigger things that are costly, Moses baskets, baths etc are the things that are more robust generally with the exception of prams for some strange reason

toomuchtooold Sun 10-Apr-16 08:49:23

God no YANBU. People should wait to be offered!

Only1scoop Sun 10-Apr-16 08:50:13

Yanbu

Really rude of someone to actually ask.

londonrach Sun 10-Apr-16 08:50:39

Yanbu. My dm was trying to work out who to give my stunning maternity dress to next in the family. (Kindly given to me by a friend on hearing i was pregnant). I havent wore it yet and Very excitely showed my dm. I can see this dress going before i even get to wear it. My lovely dsis is giving me some of her dc clothes but didnt expect it and she apologised for wanted to keep some special ones to her. Hold on to them and explain you keeping them for next dc.

alilupset Sun 10-Apr-16 08:52:01

Why should there be a compromise though? Op doesn't want to give them and you don't compromise on something you don't want to do just because someone is rude enough to ask.

I wouldn't op, i happily gave stuff away and regretted it but time when it came back, it has left pristine and while I expected wear and tear it annoyed me I had paid for it and what should have looked new for dd2 looked tatty. I have finished now and happily handed it over to help out but I would always advice now to keep everything until you are finished. Passing around a group works for some people, I'm definitely not one of those people

TimeOfGlass Sun 10-Apr-16 08:54:23

If you don't want to lend things out, then don't.

I would only be happy to lend out baby stuff if I didn't care about getting it back - as you say, things can get damaged and worn out.

So what I might do in your situation is go through all the outgrown baby stuff, separate out the things I really wanted to keep from the things I'm not bothered about (which in our case would be mostly clothes and toys), and then offered the things I didn't care much about to relatives / friends.

tellmemore1982 Sun 10-Apr-16 08:56:00

YANBU. Tell them they can have it all after you've had DC2, no explanation needed for between now and then.

On no account lend clothes, you will never get them back in the condition you want them. Toys are actually easier to lend and return but you shouldn't feel obliged.

hippoinamudhole Sun 10-Apr-16 08:58:22

Just say "yes you can have what you want when we've decided we're not having any more children, but for now we'll keep them in case"

Empressa Sun 10-Apr-16 09:01:02

I think it's a bit weird and selfish, but ultimately it's your decision.

herecomethepotatoes Sun 10-Apr-16 09:02:08

You're not being unreasonable insomuch as what's yours is yours and if you don't want to share with others you don't have to. At the same time, "If I lent things out I'd be inclined to get rid of them when returned and get everything new again" is a little hmm

We got (both given and sold) some things second hand and people were delighted when we gave them things when our two had finished with them.

I think the hygiene aspect is a little ridiculous. A Bumbo, for example, would need just as much cleaning if it had been in your loft for a couple of years as it would if a niece or nephew had used it.

flirtygirl Sun 10-Apr-16 09:03:17

Yanbu, keep them for your next baby, they were very rude to drop hints. Only give things you are sure you wont use and then only if you want to. I kept alot of dd1 things, i loved using them for dd2 despite a large age gap and they both love looking at pictures from different decades where they have both worn the same clothes, dd1 is 16, dd2 is 6. Also dd1 loves that her sister plays with her toys, dolls got handed over when she was 11 (her fav one at about 13) and lego and other toys like toy pram. Morever its your family memories tied up in the items and noone elses business.

Aspergallus Sun 10-Apr-16 09:07:16

No one else's opinion matters. It's your stuff. This really is a case of No being a full sentence. If you need to get all British about it, "no, it's in storage for our re-use, we'll think about what we can pass on when we're finished with it all".

FuckSanta Sun 10-Apr-16 09:08:07

Won't say too much, but YANBU OP. We lent some baby equipment to a relative whose baby was born within a year of DD, expecting to get it back in good condition. They then passed it around without asking us and when we eventually got it back ur was only really fit for the bin/needed repairing. I wouldn't do it again whether I intended to have more children or not.

flirtygirl Sun 10-Apr-16 09:08:28

I understand the hygiene aspect too, its not wierd, not all families have the same standards or routines so i wouldnt want stuff back either. Some of my family are happy for pets to go on near baby items, i wouldnt be, some also dont clean up sick or wipe lo hands straight away, so things get stained. I wouldnt want most things back espescially items made of cloth or with material parts.

inlovewithhubby Sun 10-Apr-16 09:19:25

I loved sharing my stuff around and got things on loan in return as a result which was an unexpected bonus. At that age babies are in their clothes for weeks and aren't moving so they don't wear. Washing powder gets out all trace of sick and poo - bio soak if necessary - were that not the case you'd hardly be planning to put your second child in the same clothes would you? I loved seeing my friends' babies in my kids' stuff and then getting them back for the next. It feels familial. Plus I like then idea that they are getting good use and saving someone else cash. My kids are two academic years apart and our friends' kids get the uniform in the intervening year when neither of mine wear it. My family and their community did this as a child - it feels very normal.

Jumparoos, cots etc - how can they possibly deteriorate from one/two additional users? I was bloody glad to get rid of ours when i could. I think you're mad to want to bag them up and hide them away.

I think you are being selfish but it's up to you. Just remember that you reap what you sow - I'd take a couple of stains any day for the warm glow of being an active part of a sharing baby community. Why don't you try it with something like the jumparoo which in my experience are unbreakable and washable - you may find you actually like it.

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