To not get up early on a Saturday?

(75 Posts)
ktt512 Sat 09-Apr-16 10:52:53

So I don't think IABU, but before my OH and I have the inevitable argument over it, thought I'd just run it past you guys!

We have my OH's DC most weekends, usually 3 on one off but often it's more (I don't have any DC's of my own). And I love my bed. Monday to Friday, my alarm and I are locked in battle and getting up is the hardest thing about my day hahaa. So on a Saturday, I like to lie in. We're not talking til 1pm or anything, but 10am is about the time I feel ready to face the world.

My OH thinks this is totally unacceptable and because the kids are there I should be up and about when he gets up (8am is a rare lie in for him, usually he's out of bed by 7.30). Apparently, my lie ins mean that they can't go out and do stuff and I hold them all up. For example, this morning, he's stropped off out to do the Tesco shop, even though I told him I'd do it, because I wasn't up by 10am and he thinks he therefore 'has to do everything himself'. I can't tell you the amount of times I've told him 'if you want to take the kids out and do something for the day, tell me the night before and of course I'll get up earlier' or 'you really don't need me to come to the park with you and the kids at 9am, if that's what you three want to do, be my guest!'

I'd also just like to say that I don't take ages to get ready either, I can be up at 10.30 and ready to leave the house at 11 if my OH decides he wants to go out on a whim!

AIBU to not think that getting up at 10am is a massive problem?

Bananasandchocolatecustard Sat 09-Apr-16 10:54:53

I agree with you, he can look after his own kids.

IthinkIamsinking Sat 09-Apr-16 10:58:46

As someone who gets up at 4.50am every morning my weekend lie ins are very important to me so YANBU but I guess I am biased in that respect.
I wonder if he resents the fact that you lie in while he has to get up.
How long have you been together? I think he is BU to expect you to be up at 7.30am every weekend they are there. Does he not want to go off and spend time with them on his own? I can't see why you have to be there all the time.

SOPH781 Sat 09-Apr-16 11:10:26

Yanbu. They are his kids ! He is the only one who needs to get up. Stick to your guns, it is your weekend too.

Joolsy Sat 09-Apr-16 11:13:23

What age are the kids? Just thinking that mine are 7 and 12 and don't need someone to get up and look after them, they amuse themselves till we get up (not particularly late, but not early either).

Fluffyears Sat 09-Apr-16 11:15:01

Hell no that's me just getting showered. Dp has been showered and gone to get our breakfast (he also takes looooong showers at the weekend) but he knows I love my lie ins so he's happy to do something himself whilst I stay in bed.

ktt512 Sat 09-Apr-16 11:22:01

IthinkIamsinking - I think resentment definitely might come into it, I think he has issues surround the fact that i'm not the DC's mother and so I don't have the same responsibility for them. Don't get me wrong, I look after them if he has to pop out, I cook dinner, I play with them, I help them with reading and maths practice, but I don't do the getting up with them in the morning, I don't get involved in bath times, I don't get them ready for bed very often (I think this should be a time they get to spend with their dad without their step mum hovering around).

But no, he doesn't seem to see that spending time with them on his own might be something the kids want, he has a bee in his bonnet about us 'doing things as a family unit' - to be fair the kids do seem to want me around when we go out, but like SOPH said, it's my weekend too!! I don't always want to spend it at the soft play centre or freezing my butt off in the park.

He makes me feel like i'm some sort of lazy slob for not wanting to get up early on the weekend and it's so frustrating! Some times I don't feel like he sees me as a SM but like a substitute mother and because I don't act like i'm their real mum i'm constantly letting him down.

I actually feel guilty for staying in bed and I begin to panic a bit sometimes and hibernate for longer because I know what kind of reception i'm going to get from him when I do eventually go downstairs.

ghostyslovesheep Sat 09-Apr-16 11:23:11

YANBU - I don't get up till 10 on Sat - my kids just get on with it - dd2 made everyone pancakes this morning.

ktt512 Sat 09-Apr-16 11:25:29

Joolsy - they're 6 and 8, so they definitely can amuse themselves, but the little one is always hungry and asking for breakfast by 8am!

Fluffyears - gone to get breakfast?! He sounds like an absolute keeper! grin

IthinkIamsinking Sat 09-Apr-16 11:26:08

I actually feel guilty for staying in bed and I begin to panic a bit sometimes and hibernate for longer because I know what kind of reception i'm going to get from him when I do eventually go downstairs.

Er... fuck that! You need to call him out on it and make it clear you wont tolerate his shitty moods because you wont get up. I would go as far as to plan a couple of weekends away and leave him to his moodiness. I HATE it when people behave like that because they know they can't force you to do something so make the atmosphere unbearable instead.

grapejuicerocks Sat 09-Apr-16 11:36:21

Nope 10am is not really very late at all.

People are different . He may not need a lie in but you do and he needs to respect that. Refuse to feel guilty. It's his problem not yours.

MattDillonsPants Sat 09-Apr-16 11:38:19

I see where he's coming from but feel for you too. I think he wants you all to be a bit more familiy-ish maybe?

DoJo Sat 09-Apr-16 11:39:54

Why doesn't he value the chance to have some time on his own with his children?

Sharesinpampers Sat 09-Apr-16 11:40:31

I wonder if it's because he would like a long lie sometimes? Could you get up early once a month and see if that makes your long lie seem more 'reasonable' to him?

LeaLeander Sat 09-Apr-16 11:46:58

He chose to produce kids, he can deal with them on weekend mornings. He is being extremely unreasonable & controlling and this would become a deal breaker for me.
You need to clear this up. Tell him plainly that your Saturdays are your own, all day, and he should plan accordingly. If you want to join afternoon activities with them you will but you will NOT be pressured or guilted and that if he is going to do so you need to reevaluate the relationship.

Why is he so resentful of being alone with his kids? Big red flag.

LeaLeander Sat 09-Apr-16 11:47:42

She doesn't owe him a lie in. He gets one when HIS kids are not there.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 09-Apr-16 11:49:07

Does he ever get the chance to lie-in if you do so every Saturday?

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 09-Apr-16 11:50:49

Yes, he chose to have kids, but OP chose to get into a relationship with someone with kids. Does that mean she keeps all the benefits of being child-free now?

VimFuego101 Sat 09-Apr-16 11:52:09

YANBU at all. He sounds ridiculous.

AndNowItsSeven Sat 09-Apr-16 11:54:15

I really don't understand this " own kids" if you choose a partner with children you treat them as your own.

ifyoulikepinacolada Sat 09-Apr-16 11:58:37

Yanbu - they're his kids, and he does get a lie in when they're not there anyway!

NeedACleverNN Sat 09-Apr-16 12:03:33

I think you are very fair tbh

You tell him that if he wants a day out, to mention it the night before and you will be up.

No one needs to be at the park for 9am but you have said they choose to go, go!

LeaLeander Sat 09-Apr-16 12:08:00

She is not obliged to treat them as her own FFS. They have a mother.

If she were stopping him from seeing his kids SWBVVVU. She is not. He is free to do as he wishes and she shouldn't be pressured to dance attendance on his offspring.

Just because they are partners doesn't mean they lead life in lockstep. Of course she maintains benefits of being childfree. Because she is.

Sounds like he wants her to be nanny and maid and is pissed because she won't be. Fuck that.

ktt512 Sat 09-Apr-16 12:08:14

He finds lying in physically impossible. Even when we don't have the kids he won't be asleep past 8am, usually he gets up, potters around, has some breakfast and then comes back to bed for an hour or so with his iPad - gives me time to wake up naturally.

I don't think that it's that he wants the lie in, I really think it's because he feels he 'has to do everything', because by the time I get up he's fed the kids, fed the dogs and got them dressed and maybe put on a load of washing consisting of the kids school uniform and his work clothes. I personally can't see how this is a hardship...I take the kids to school on a Monday morning because he starts work early - I feed them, I make sure they're clean and presentable and get them dressed, it takes about 20 mins start to finish!!

ShesAGreatGas Sat 09-Apr-16 12:10:51

Unfortunately, he does 'have to do everything' when he has his DC for A WEEKEND. Their mother presumably 'does everything' when she has them the rest of the time? They are the parents.

Stick to your guns. He is being ridiculous.

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