To not want ex to go on 'play' date?

(29 Posts)
passthesalt Fri 08-Apr-16 08:48:20

Split up with partner a month ago. We still live together, have 2 kids (3 and 1) and until 2 days ago, he has been asking if we can get back together.

Yest he announced that he is taking the kids on a play date with a woman from work and her child. I asked if it was a play date or a date, he giggled and said 'yeah maybe a date, dunno, I know it's a bit soon but...' He's since backtracked and said its just a chance for kids to make a new friend, for him to make a new friend. If he'd said that in the first place, far less of a problem.

My issue isn't necessarily that he's met someone else (but that is odd given that it's so recent, we're still living together, lives tied together really closely still) but what I am really upset about is that he's taking the kids and involving them in this.

Just to be clear, this is a guy who has only ever taken his kids to his parents' house and to the local park by himself, mainly after me suggesting it. And this feels a bit like playing super dad - look at me and my lovely kids, aren't I fab.

Or am I missing something?

Only1scoop Fri 08-Apr-16 08:50:38

Well sounds like she's the reason he's going to play....

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover Fri 08-Apr-16 08:50:54

YANBU this is disrespectful and weird.

He has suggested it might be a date and 'go somewhere' - I think he's being a dick for involving the children.

Maroonie Fri 08-Apr-16 08:54:47

Odd if it's a 'date' but taking the children to do things with another family is normal and good

YellowDinosaur Fri 08-Apr-16 09:00:20

I reckon he's just being a dick and trying to wind you up given that he wanted to get break together so presumably it's you who doesn't. He's probably backtracking now because it's backfired...

TheNaze73 Fri 08-Apr-16 10:31:26

What an absolutely selfish tool. It's far too early to intergrate children. Men (and women) who put their relationships ahead of their own children, really make me angry

AnyFucker Fri 08-Apr-16 10:34:26

He's on the wind up. It won't happen, and if it did would just ignore it

Are you sure you want split though ?

AnyFucker Fri 08-Apr-16 10:34:49

Want to

passthesalt Fri 08-Apr-16 13:54:29

Thanks all for your replies, glad go hear it's not just me who thinks this is weird.

I wouldn't have minded if it was a play date, that's a nice thing to do. That said, he said that if we were together he would have some explaining to do, which makes me think that it is definitely more about the date m, or rather who's doing the playing.

Anyfucker, I do want to split up - it's been a really painful decision, especially with the kids being so small, but it's based on behaviour like this - selfish and thoughtless - that's made me come to this decision. Still hard though.

Twistedheartache Fri 08-Apr-16 13:57:01

Definitely weird but then my ex did this when we were still together with OW & her bf (at the time) so cynical me would say anything is possible!

AnyFucker Fri 08-Apr-16 13:58:28

That sounds like the right decision then, love.

Send him on his silly, staged "dates" with a cheery wave.

Crabbitface Fri 08-Apr-16 14:02:54

No way would he be taking my kids on a first date - which is what this is. Tell him to go on and have his date but to involve your kids is fucking awful. Depending on how old they are and what they know of your situation they are either going to be incredibly upset at your relationship breaking down anyway - and if they don't know about the split they are going to be very confused when Daddy and the nice lady get flirty. Totally inappropriate. He is very likely trying to make you jealous though, so make it clear that it is not the date you object to but the taking of children.

booklooker Fri 08-Apr-16 14:12:41

I'm sorry to go against the flow, but I don't think it's that weird.

He's their dad, and wants to take them out.

cestlavielife Fri 08-Apr-16 14:21:10

If he can be trusted to look after the kids then it s not a big deal he takes them to visit someone.
You don't need to tell him every time you take them to visit someone.

Of course if three year old comes back saying they were left unsupervised then he found daddy and woman in bed together naked then you can call him up on it...

But otherwise let it go. It's just a visit to someone s house .

titchy Fri 08-Apr-16 14:28:14

Make sure they have plenty of red bull before they go .....

coconutpie Fri 08-Apr-16 14:36:28

No, you do not take your children on a date FFS! Tell him he can go on his date but his DC are not going to be pawns in his quest for a new woman. Selfish git.

passthesalt Fri 08-Apr-16 18:43:54

Thanks all, Will dose the kids up with redbull, get their legs shaved and make up on so they look their best.

Seriously though, I've asked him not to take them. He doesn't get it, but hopefully he'll listen. Fingers crossed, and thanks again.

Yeahsure Fri 08-Apr-16 18:47:11

What a twat. I can see why he's your ex. I hope he listens to you.

passthesalt Sat 09-Apr-16 09:21:43

Thanks yeahsure, me too.

Janeymoo50 Sat 09-Apr-16 09:36:37

I love the "no way would he be taking my kids etc etc"....errr, he's their father so they are not just one persons' kids.

cuntycowfacemonkey Sat 09-Apr-16 09:44:51

Oh let him go no self respecting woman would take her kids on a "first date". Sounds like he's trying his best to wind you up

Crabbitface Sat 09-Apr-16 19:58:45

I love the "no way would he be taking my kids etc etc"....errr, he's their father so they are not just one persons' kids

So if the father is doing something damaging to his children the mother has to stand back and allow it because they are "his kids too". No - 'fraid not Janey. The split is so recent that they are still living in the same house and he wants to go and play flirty flirty with a woman from work and let his kids witness this. Seriously not cool. So yeah - no way would he be taking my kids on a first date when we split mere weeks ago...no way!

FirstWeTakeManhattan Sat 09-Apr-16 20:09:59

I very much doubt its a date. The 'OW' is probably being nice and agreeing to meet up for a normal playmate.

Your ex has been trying to reconcile and this is a shot at 'making you jealous.'

I seriously doubt they will be 'flirting.'

CombineBananaFister Sat 09-Apr-16 20:17:14

The date thing aside, your children are very young and if there might be more going on than just a playdate then that just shows how irresponsible he is. Who takes their kids on a first date a month after being seperated?
it's about their well-being too and who you introduce into their lives as temporary/permanent fixtures, if there was a possibility it isn't about the kids and more about him meeting someone I think it's fair to say they shouldn't go until he knows this person better.

passthesalt Sat 09-Apr-16 22:02:58

I think the point about responsibility is a good one, and I agree with what quite a few people have said, that it might be a ploy to make me jealous. It may well be, but tbh that winds me up as well, as that means he's willing to use the kids as a way to get to me. Grrr.

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