Am I being an insensitive twat??

(69 Posts)
MyBreadIsEggy Wed 06-Apr-16 08:13:58

I've got an appointment at the EPAU today as I've had a few minor bleeds over the weekend, and I'm now being scanned early to make sure all is well with baby. My husband is on a course, so was unable to take the morning off to look after DD (11mo) and he isn't in a position where he can take her with him for an hour or two like he normally would, we have recently moved a few hours away from family and I don't have any friends yet that I could ask a babysitting favour from.
I went to the same unit for the same problem when I was pregnant with DD, and the unit is located on the gynaecology ward. Last time we were sat in the waiting room alongside a number of different people: women there for gynaecological surgeries, women who know they have miscarried, women who are waiting to find out if they have miscarried and women having terminations. Is it really insensitive to those people if I have my DD in her pram in the waiting room with me? I feel a bit weird about it confused

StealthPolarBear Wed 06-Apr-16 08:15:17

No I don't think so (but have no real experience)
I hope everything is ok x

MyBreadIsEggy Wed 06-Apr-16 08:24:49

Thanks Stealth I'm hoping everything is ok too.....I just really don't want to upset anyone, but there's not really a solution to it confused

monkeysox Wed 06-Apr-16 08:25:00

You're not supposed to take children to regular scans here. Depending on news people get it would be highly inappropriate. Wouldn't be allowed at our local hospital. Hope all OK btw flowers

Thisisnotausername Wed 06-Apr-16 08:26:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear Wed 06-Apr-16 08:27:45

Ah I didn't know that, sorry.
Op you say you've not made any real friends yet but if you know anyone well enough to feel comfortable leaving dd, ask. I'd be happy to do it in an emergency for an acquaintance, if I could of course.
Is your dd breastfed? Would she be ok being left?

FreeSpirit89 Wed 06-Apr-16 08:28:43

I think you should take her as you have other alternative. I can understand how seeing a child sat in a pram would be upsetting after such news but there is every chance you will see a baby on your way home.

It seems daft to make it a rule that children can't be there incase there presence offends.

Hope all goes well thanks

Thisisnotausername Wed 06-Apr-16 08:29:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

witsender Wed 06-Apr-16 08:29:30

If you cannot leave her, could you try phoning ahead for somewhere quiet/out of the way to wait?

HumTiddlyTum Wed 06-Apr-16 08:30:20

I would say if there is any way round it then don't take her. I've been the one who's had to receive the news that "yes, this is a 3rd miscarriage" whilst listening to someone else's child cry through the wall. I know it was in no way intentional by the parents but it felt like my nose was being rubbed in it when I was suffocating with grief.

ToInfinity Wed 06-Apr-16 08:31:45

I don't think there is a problem with it. I've had 2 miscarriages, and on every visit to the EPU there were little ones there.
Hope you have good news thanks

MyBreadIsEggy Wed 06-Apr-16 08:33:27

My hospital do allow one child at regular scans, and I'm not 100% sure if I'm just seeing the midwife at the EPAU and then being scanned in the normal antenatal clinic - if that's the case, then I'll try to arrive at the EPAU bang on my appointment time, so hopefully won't have to hang around in the waiting room with DD. Or maybe I could pop in to let reception know I've arrived and then wait outside?? If I remember rightly, you walk through a set of double doors, and the reception desk is right in front of you - surely if I'm right outside the doors I will hear my name being called or the receptionist could pop her head out?? I really don't want to make a potentially awful day worse for anyone else confused

AngelsWithFilthySouls Wed 06-Apr-16 08:33:37

Unfortunately I've spent a lot of time in EPAU and each time there were signs saying that children were not allowed so I'd definitely check first as the signs said you'd be asked to make another appointment.

Thisisnotausername Wed 06-Apr-16 08:33:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinAndColonic Wed 06-Apr-16 08:34:14

They don't let older children in but a child in a pram would be unable to grasp what is happening (good or bad) I think they'd allow babies/young toddlers but not a 6yo.

Good luck flowers

Only1scoop Wed 06-Apr-16 08:35:56

I personally wouldn't take her.

I've sat in that awful EPU just after seeing a scan at 17 weeks where I'd had a late Mmc.

I remember a mum and what looked like a gran with a baby and toddler in tow.

AgentProvocateur Wed 06-Apr-16 08:36:06

I think it would be awkward. Can you google for emergency childcare in your area, or ask a neighbour? I know you say you don't know anyone, but most people would be glad to help if asked.

Thisisnotausername Wed 06-Apr-16 08:37:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Only1scoop Wed 06-Apr-16 08:37:40

Hope all ok Op

At least you are considerate enough to care so certainly not insensitive

PageStillNotFound404 Wed 06-Apr-16 08:39:43

I think judging by your last post you're about as far from an insensitive twat as it's possible to be - many people wouldn't consider the effect it might have on those hearing bad news to see/hear a child at that precise moment.

I think finding emergency childcare would be the preferred option, but failing that then waiting outside sounds like a Plan B. Okay, people coming out while you're waiting would still have to walk past you but that could be the case at pretty much any point outside, and it's kinder on those in the waiting room who are there just to have the worst confirmed.

You're a kind soul, OP, and I hope your appointment goes well. flowers to you and to Hum.

Lunar1 Wed 06-Apr-16 08:40:05

I would look for emergency child care. I've sat in those places mid miscarriage several times and at that moment it's just hell on earth to have other people's children, especially babies around. It was bad enough in day to day life but at that moment it's just sole destroying.

I hope everything is ok.

Ifailed Wed 06-Apr-16 08:44:52

have you tried calling the clinic and asking them for advice?

Best of luck.

AgathaMystery Wed 06-Apr-16 08:46:04

YANBU.

There is no way on earth I would leave my 11mo DC with 'emergency childcare' anywhere. Absolutely not. The women in EPAU want their baby not yours. Your DC is too young to grasp what is happening - it's not like an inquisitive 8yo hanging about with you.

Hope all goes well. X

Osolea Wed 06-Apr-16 08:49:04

It's really kind of you to be thinking about this, it wouldn't even occur to many people to try and be sensitive about it.

If you ask the receptionist of there's somewhere else you can wait, or even find out how the appointment times are running so you can wait outside for as long as possible, then I think that's fine. If you had easily available childcare then the ideal would be to use it, but as you don't, I don't think you should feel obliged to pay a fortune for a stranger to look after your child with emergency childcare.

You are there because you need to be for yourself and your baby, and if the hospital allows children then it's fine for you to take your dd. It's just one of those things, and at the end of the day, it's the NHS, everyone there is fortunate to have maternity care whether your baby is there or not.

sparechange Wed 06-Apr-16 08:50:53

My local EPU had signs in the waiting room that said something like 'please show consideration others in the difficult and upsetting position of having to use this department when bringing children into the waiting area'
So not an all out ban, but a polite reminder that while it might be the most convenient thing for you, it is probably the most hurtful and upsetting for a lot of women there

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