To be a little annoyed at my mum organising her own bday party

(48 Posts)
turkeylovessprout Tue 05-Apr-16 19:24:06

It's my mum's 70th at the end of this month. There are five of us children (2 are abroad though) and has organised a big party for herself. She'd not asked if we were doing anything for her (and we would have) but just went ahead and invited about 100 people to this party she has done all by herself.
That's ok, but we, the kids (all in our 30s/40s) are a bit upset that she hasn't asked us to do anything but has asked a host of other friends and family (extended) to get involved in singing, organising, music ect. She has got the daughter of a friend making her cake (which my sister had planned to make) and other friends doing the meal.
Ok, so my mum is quite a self centred woman, she enjoys a lot of attention and can get a bit stroppy if that is taken away from her. It's hard to explain really the background, but it's almost like we don't cake her standard.
We feel a bit put out because we feel it makes us look bad, like we haven't done anything when we would have if she hadn't planned it all herself.

PPie10 Tue 05-Apr-16 19:25:40

The end of the month is not far and if by now the 5 of you haven't made any plans, maybe she took it upon herself. You all knew the date so why didn't any of you plan something.

PennyHasNoSurname Tue 05-Apr-16 19:26:44

Maybe, just maybe, she wants you all to be able to relax and totally enjoy the party without any responsibility?

Maybe get together with your siblings and put all of that eagerness into arranging a wonderful gift.

turkeylovessprout Tue 05-Apr-16 19:26:55

She's been planning it for nearly a year PPie before we'd even thought about it

quietbatperson Tue 05-Apr-16 19:29:07

Sounds like she knows what she wants and didn't want to delegate. I would be relieved tbh because then you can't be accused of getting something wrong.

PPie10 Tue 05-Apr-16 19:29:41

But why haven't any of you stepped in to offer if she's planning this for a year? Or have you just found out now?

PollyPurple Tue 05-Apr-16 19:33:10

Your Mum sounds fab! Let her do what she wants, I'm sure she feels great that she can organise this herself at this ripe old age.

Why should you feel put out? Who will think you've not had anything to do with it?

turkeylovessprout Tue 05-Apr-16 19:34:24

My sister and me offered to do lots of things. As said in post my sister offered to make the cake. I've offered but she hasn't wanted it.

guerre Tue 05-Apr-16 19:34:39

YABU- she wants it the way she wants it; it's her party!

PollyPurple Tue 05-Apr-16 19:35:11

Can't you tell your Mum how you feel?

oneowlgirl Tue 05-Apr-16 19:35:50

It's her party - let her arrange it how she wants & just go & enjoy yourselves.

argentinasaurs Tue 05-Apr-16 19:35:55

Yabu as you have had a year to offer to do bits for the party. Or did you not know she was organising it? Maybe she just wants you all to enjoy it?

argentinasaurs Tue 05-Apr-16 19:37:37

Cross posted. That's a bit of a shame yanbu then. I'd be a bit annoyed if I'd offered and it was turned down. Could you ask her why?

curren Tue 05-Apr-16 19:37:55

Are you seriously annoyed because an adult woman has organised a party for herself? And done it how she wants?

How is that selfish?

If you have know for a year, then in all likelihood you would be free anyway. You would know the date and keep it open. So why does it matter?

LIZS Tue 05-Apr-16 19:40:32

Dm arranged her own 80th. We might have done things slightly differently but it was just as she wanted confused

Pinkheart5915 Tue 05-Apr-16 19:41:12

I don't see a problem with it. It is her birthday at the end of the day.
My mum is a woman that knows what she wants and how she wants it so for her 50th she annoyed that she would be arranging it and all she wanted was the family to turn up, she has let us arrange every birthday in the past but in her 50th she was doing it her way

Sunflower1985 Tue 05-Apr-16 19:41:53

Yanbu to be upset but I reckon yabu to be surprised. As a child of a narcissist mother I've accepted she will never change. It makes it easier to go with the flow with things like this.

Justmeagain78 Tue 05-Apr-16 19:42:51

My friend is the same. She insisted on organising her own 40th. She's a self confessed control freak and also enjoys organising. Any interference would not be welcome and would just complicate matters! We just accept that's the way she is and she enjoys it more if she knows exactly what's happening.

SeriouslyFuckThisShit Tue 05-Apr-16 19:44:01

As said in post my sister offered to make the cake.

That is not what you said in you op at all.

blueskyinmarch Tue 05-Apr-16 19:44:56

She is 70 so i imagine she knows by now what she likes by way of a party. She has probably enjoyed organising it given she has been planning it for a year. Why don’t you and your siblings just chill and enjoy the party?

Lemonblast Tue 05-Apr-16 19:45:49

Perhaps she didn't ask you because none of you showed any enthusiasm for organising anything?

NerrSnerr Tue 05-Apr-16 19:46:03

What a bitch organising a party for herself. How dare she do what she wants for her own birthday. I would go no contact.

You said your sister planned to make the cake, not that she offered.

IamCarcass Tue 05-Apr-16 19:46:24

It's her party, let her have her fun, as she wants it!

BackforGood Tue 05-Apr-16 19:47:44

YABU - FAR more sensible to organise your own 'do', then you get it the way you want it.

gingerboy1912 Tue 05-Apr-16 19:52:00

I would just concentrate on getting a present for your mum instead. You could all club together and get her something pretty special seeing as you haven't had to fork out for the party.

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