To let them win sometimes?

(9 Posts)
NFmama Mon 04-Apr-16 21:06:30

I'm exhausted. My son is being assessed for autism and his behaviour had deteriorated rapidly over the last 3 weeks. He isn't responding to usual discipline methods, I usually have a time out for 5 minutes (he's 5) and he loses his favourite toys for 24 hours.

Right now nothing seems to work. He won't go to bed and wants to sleep in my bed tonight. I usually make him go to bed in his own bed and he migrates into mine at some point in the night. At the moment he's saying he can hear scary noises, his finger hurts, he needs a wee - basically anything to avoid going to bed. Should I just give in tonight and let him fall asleep in my bed? I don't want it this to be the norm.

OceanView Mon 04-Apr-16 21:22:07

Personally I would try not to give in where sleeping in concerned. I think it's important for you to have your own space, for me that space is my bed.

I wonder, with regards to the discipline. If removing his favourite things isn't working could you instead reward good behaviour? Something to work towards? After trying various methods we've got two jars. One has 20 marbles in it and the other is empty, when DD for example cleans her room, helps set the table, has a majority good behaviour day etc she get's to moves a over to the other jar. Once all the marbles are in the jar she get's a small treat. We don't ever move the marbles in reverse, if she's been particulary misbehaved then she just wouldn't get a marble. For us it's visual, a goal and a bit of fun and most importantly, it works for us.

flowers

OceanView Mon 04-Apr-16 21:23:09

sorry that should have read get's to move a marble over to the other jar.

Sirzy Mon 04-Apr-16 21:25:44

I tend to sit with Ds in his room until he is asleep rather than letting him go to sleep in my bed, I know with him if he does it once he will expect that every night.

He is still normally in my bed by 2am but at least I get a few hours!

(He is 6 and autistic too)

NFmama Mon 04-Apr-16 21:45:15

I don't really mind him coming through in the middle of the night, most of the time I do t even wake up. I've always insisted he goes to sleep in his own bed though. I feel like such a crap mother for not being able to deal with his behaviour sad

OceanView Mon 04-Apr-16 22:26:48

You're not a crap Mum. You're doing your best, and that's all you can do. Can you get an early night? I know it's cliche but I do tend to find that a good nights sleep helps.

NFmama Mon 04-Apr-16 22:27:09

He is finally asleep in his own bed. I am exhausted and have no idea what to do with him at the moment sad

OceanView Mon 04-Apr-16 22:46:49

What is it you are struggling with most? It probably all seems hard but is it possible to break it down into a must deal with, put plans in place to deal with, need help to deal with and can wait list?

I know it seems a bit strange but sometimes it can help to write it all down and separate it all out to start tackling it. Not right now though, right now get some sleep.

Witchend Tue 05-Apr-16 00:01:28

Do you mind him.in your bed?
I didn't and let him and he's now 8yo and only really wants to when ill ( or now when I'm ill and he thinks he can look after mw). At that age he usually came through during the night anyway.

Was a battle I couldn't be bothered to fight as it didn't bother me.

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